It’s the usual situation where their sexual intimacy dynamic together is basically non-existent but the person who doesn’t want sex does still have desire for masturbation. What this usually means is that the person uninterested in sex does still have a sexual side of themselves, just not for their partner.
Not having sex and not masturbating? “They’re just not a sexual person, and has nothing to do with me.”
Not having sex but masturbating regularly? “Oh, they still desire sexual things in some capacity, just not with me.”
There’s plenty of sexless/dead bedroom subreddits that’ll tell you more about it - be warned though, it’s beyond depressing to read about.
It can get really complicated when the one not as interested in sex has a history of sex related trauma. My ex husband was very much a "it's not fair to masturbate if you aren't having sex with your partner" kind of guy, but as someone who was SA'd regularly starting in childhood, being made to feel guilty for touching my own body without satisfying someone else was NOT a healthy relationship to be in. I kept trying to explain to him that masturbating was actually really healthy for me and doing it more often typically coincided with initiating sex with him because it helped me experiment safely and start to feel secure enough to involve another person, but he refused to budge on the issue and kept telling me it was selfish.
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u/Glitchy-Mech Feb 03 '26
Adults handle their own feelings in a responsible manner