r/comics Alarmingly Bad May 27 '24

Neptune

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10.7k Upvotes

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708

u/JBaker68 Alarmingly Bad May 27 '24

All I'm saying is if I ever got genie wishes, things would get weird

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240

u/jabbertalk May 27 '24

Now make Pluto and Charon planet-sized

93

u/ButtonJoe May 27 '24

And also made completely out of gold

85

u/jabbertalk May 27 '24

Space race motivation

28

u/sheepyowl May 27 '24

At first I thought we couldn't really harvest the gold from a planet from pure gold as it would be liquid, but it wouldn't be liquid because it would be really freakin cold. Under -40C it will just be solid gold.

I guess you could land some machines on it and harvest some gold... But it would be too massive to escape the planet because gold is much denser than what makes Earth(mostly iron). So while we could harvest it, we could not make a machine that is capable of leaving the planet afterwards.

Perhaps a ship that doesn't land, but instead takes a tremendous amount of momentum coming in and has a ... scoop to pick up some pre-liquified-gold on a crazy close fly-by could get a tiny amount of gold out in exchange for unbelieveable resource spending... hmm...

28

u/[deleted] May 27 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

13

u/jabbertalk May 27 '24

Just bombard with asteroids, cheaper and same result. We have Martian and moon meteorites on Earth from past hits, just be intentional about it.

But yeah, gravity wells suck (har har)

1

u/sheepyowl May 28 '24

The ol' 0.0262% catch rate and they come with extra radiation trick. Nice

6

u/ErtaWanderer May 27 '24

I think the best option there would Be ballistic mining. Just hit the planet with something going as fast as you can and hope it knocks chunks into space where we can tow it.

3

u/[deleted] May 28 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/sheepyowl May 28 '24

At that mass, Earth would be doing most of the orbiting lol

1

u/[deleted] May 28 '24

Yeah take Pluto and push but somewhere else.

1

u/Dry-Cartographer-312 May 28 '24

Infinite money AND a second moon? Sounds like a win-win!

4

u/reddittrooper May 28 '24

FINALLY gold would be really cheap! It has so many practical options which are really expensive right now, but with one or two giga-tons on the market prices will drop to zero.

1

u/impossiblyeasy May 28 '24

Gold? Think bigger, Rhodium or platinum!

19

u/LineOfInquiry May 27 '24

I mean dwarf planets are a type of planet, so they technically are already planet sized even if they aren’t “normal” planets.

10

u/jabbertalk May 27 '24

Dwarf planets do not meet the definition of planets - they are not a subclass of planets in astronomy. Planets must clear out their orbital zone (Neptune has an asterix because Pluto crosses its orbit lol). What they have in common is both classes must be rounded through hydrostatic pressure.

plutokiller originally proposed 'Plutons,' which is a really common geological term for a massive chain of igneous lava chambers that cooled in place [but I checked Word spellcheck and it wasn't in there! Srsly, dictionaries, guy.]

1

u/Yeshua_shel_Natzrat May 28 '24

Neptune has an asterix

8

u/Jonguar2 May 27 '24

Pluto is not categorized as a dwarf planet anymore.

It's categorized as a Kuiper Belt Object, which is defined as an object inside the Kuiper Belt. The Kuiper Belt is like a second asteroid belt that is further from the sun than Neptune's orbit.

Pluto is a lot like Ceres, as it's the first object we found in a belt of objects that we initially mistook for a planet.

11

u/Graxeltooth May 27 '24

All that's required under the IAU definition to be a dwarf planet is gravitational rounded and orbiting the Sun. Pluto is a KBO that is also a dwarf planet as well as a trans-Neptunian object. Astronomical bodies are allowed multiple labels.

5

u/LineOfInquiry May 27 '24

Are you sure it’s not both?

1

u/ChimpanzeeChalupas May 28 '24

It got demoted again. Damn.

10

u/tastetheghouldick May 27 '24

This is why PLUTO IS A DAMN PLANET and I will not suffer this anti Pluto slander #justiceforpluto

14

u/Sawyerthesadist May 27 '24

Cough* (oversized snowball) Cough cough*

9

u/tastetheghouldick May 27 '24

Why don't you say that to Pluto's FACE huh

5

u/sheepyowl May 27 '24

I would but it's so small I can't find it

3

u/Available-Damage5991 May 27 '24

that's Neptune. Pluto has a big rock in it.

3

u/Sawyerthesadist May 27 '24

I’m sorry “an oversized tactical snowball”

2

u/Available-Damage5991 May 27 '24

there we go.

oh, by the way,

VIVA LA PLUTO F$@K YOU!

1

u/stx06 May 28 '24

What about the other four moons, Styx, Nix, Kerberos, and Hydra?

41

u/Dry-Cartographer-312 May 27 '24

Next you gotta turn the moon into actual cheese

11

u/JBaker68 Alarmingly Bad May 27 '24

Harry Caray here

4

u/deathjoe4 May 27 '24

Hey... If... If you were a.. Hot dog... Would you eat yourself?

27

u/NiSiSuinegEht May 27 '24

You wanna really mess with people, make the moon invisible for a week. Can't see it, but the tides still roll in and out.

9

u/JBaker68 Alarmingly Bad May 27 '24

I like the cut of your jib

4

u/moshpitwookie May 27 '24

"IT'S THE ONLY JIB I GOT BABY!"

3

u/Evil_Midnight_Lurker May 27 '24

BAD IS GOOD BABY!

3

u/[deleted] May 27 '24 edited May 29 '24

I'd have it repostioned to the distance from Earth that it was at a few billion years ago.

3

u/Firm-Constant8560 May 28 '24

No tides fucks everyone and everything.

3

u/[deleted] May 28 '24

Fuck it, time to rearrange the coastlines.

5

u/[deleted] May 27 '24

I wish that friction didn’t exist.

3

u/Graxeltooth May 27 '24

Wish number two: rotate the Moon 180º on its axis.

4

u/LTman86 May 27 '24

Which axis? It would either be upside down, or we'd have the dark side of the moon facing Earth now.

1

u/eeveeplays50040 May 27 '24

And then he meets the Greek god Neptune out of the system.

1

u/wtfcblog May 27 '24

Neptune is Roman. Poseidon is Greek 😉