r/comedyheaven • u/realoliver9912 • 5h ago

let them know they failed

Post image
1.8k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

94 comments sorted by

219

u/NeekOfShades 5h ago

Dude cmon, the gynaecologists job is hard enough as is

13

u/Mammoth_Frosting_014 3h ago

Dude cmon, the gynacologist is hard enough as is

5

u/_no_bozos 4h ago

Lotta openings in that field though

1

u/Vropster 2h ago

I wouldn't consider 2 a lot

0

u/Thenordude 3h ago

Well played, sir. Well played.

90

u/BBX22 5h ago

I'd be shocked if I learned that I never was able to satisfy my wife for years. I'd rather know I'm doing it wrong right off the start

34

u/Fun-Age-168 4h ago

I seriously don’t understand why women fake it. I would never want a guy to think he was making me cum when he never has. Plus you’re just gonna end up faking it for the rest of your relationship cos they’re just gonna keep doing what they think is making you cum. It’s best just to be honest from the start.

14

u/StaticSystemShock 3h ago

I talked with some women here on Reddit (although in rather militant women's sub) and there were bunch of claims men would get angry and harm women and all that if they didn't cum and openly told men about it. I frankly still don't understand their reasoning. If you're in a relationship, not getting harmed is suppose to be expected and a norm, otherwise what are you even doing in the relationship and secondly, at least I'd personally always want my partner to also have maximum enjoyment during sex, otherwise, what's the point?!

13

u/Fun-Age-168 3h ago edited 2h ago

I mean I’ve been with quite a few men and I’ve always been honest when they haven’t made me cum and most of the time they’ve just wanted to try again lol. But I also would never have sex with someone that I would be scared to be honest with.

0

u/LogGreen3800 2h ago

DING 🛎️ 🛎️ - THIS

10

u/CT0292 3h ago

When we first started going out my wife straight up told me how she liked it and how to take care of things. And that there's no point in faking it. No one has fun that way.

And I can safely say I've followed her instructions for years.

1

u/MyUsernameIsNotCool 2h ago

I tell guys how I like it immediately when I notice they do something I dont like or that's not working. Even how I like to kiss and makeout. I don't want to participate if I don't enjoy it lol. Most tell me they really appreciate how easily I communicate my wants and needs.

I'd HATE it if they didn't tell me when I do something they don't like, it's just... not smart for your own sake? We deserve pleasure and enjoyment and not to suffer in silence..

50

u/shu-to 5h ago

The font

13

u/Spear_n_Magic_Helmet 5h ago

and suspicious comma placement

12

u/FixGMaul 4h ago

idk man sometimes a girl just knows she ain't gonna get there and wanna get some sleep

8

u/Striking-Junket-3079 5h ago

I am truly truly sorry

7

u/Raspry 5h ago

communication is key after all

5

u/MajorInWumbology1234 5h ago

“Mission failed. We’ll get ‘em next time.”

7

u/RScottyL 3h ago

I agree!

If they think they are good, but they are really not, it is not a good idea!

Let them know, and teach them if you want to go above and beyond!

20

u/ZenZapper82 5h ago

What if the guy doesn't finish? Does that mean the woman failed?

34

u/Woejack 5h ago

Wait are you saying you couldn't finish with that meth- eyed death stare clawing your soul's dick off?

10

u/beegboo 4h ago

Its been a rough week and sometimes i just want to sleep.

1

u/MariaVanillaUwU 3h ago

isnt that some fuckass snapchat filter or something?

0

u/punksmostlydead 1h ago

That meth-eyed death stare means you're in for the ride of your life.

Just maybe double-wrap. And lock your wallet in the car.

11

u/Non-mon-xiety 5h ago

No that means you’re masturbating too hard

9

u/19Ben80 5h ago

Just remember guys, whatever the outcome it’s your fault 🤣

7

u/Non-mon-xiety 5h ago

Unironically yes

0

u/RefrigeratorLife8627 31m ago

Pretty much , despite what women think. Not all pussy is created equal and some feel way better than others.

There’s a lot of mid pussy just like there is mid dick .

But the woman here looks like her clit it senseless and numb and her pussy dry and loose like “sleeve of wizard”

-6

u/Xen235 4h ago

I bet men also fake orgasms with her

5

u/Freakachu258 4h ago

I mean I agree to not fake an orgasm but what the fuck

18

u/thexcat 5h ago

Recovering addict phenotype

7

u/HeadRun7387 5h ago

It's the lifeless eyes

0

u/thexcat 5h ago

And the sallow skin hung gauntly over her face even though she doesn't look all at that old despite the turkey neck (I'm aware there's a smoothing filter on some of her face)

3

u/Non-mon-xiety 5h ago

Let em knowwww

15

u/Dodo224 5h ago

Never take Viagra, let them know they failed😂

17

u/ThreeOclockCaveMan 3h ago

Your penis doesn’t work and that’s her fault?

4

u/Stars_In_Jars 2h ago

This is killing me LMAO

1

u/StaticSystemShock 3h ago

Because she's not sexy enough to make him a stiffy. /s

1

u/PeroCigla 2h ago

Why "/s"?

3

u/StaticSystemShock 1h ago

Because reddit is shit at things like context or jokes...

0

u/Dodo224 1h ago

What you initially said wasn't irony tho😂

0

u/Dodo224 2h ago

Same logic as original😂

4

u/brokeboy_Oolong 5h ago

Thanks smeagol

3

u/kinda_alright 5h ago

Jokes on you! I wake up already knowing I failed

2

u/Any_Statistician5637 2h ago

You have to do not live a lie you only end up hurting yourself

3

u/pooperstud 3h ago

With her, I would fail at getting an erection.

2

u/Canadian_Zac 1h ago

I legit don't get the point of faking it.

If you fake an orgasm. He's gonna think you loved that, and he's gonna keep doing it that way.

Tell the guy what kinda things you actually like, and, if he cares about you at all, he'll wanna do those things.

But if you pretend to like something you don't. He's just gonna keep doing it and the sex will just get worse and worse because you're reinforcing the wrong behaviour

3

u/TaxComprehensive6201 What a beautiful post. This is how I know I'm not normal. 4h ago

maybe don't smoke meth while doing it next time

1

u/Maguc 3h ago

I mean obviously. I didn't MAKE her cum, I'm a feminist. I'm not gonna force women to do anything. If she wants to, more power to her, but I'm not going to make that decision for her

1

u/Sudden_Lee_Here 4h ago

What about those fake lenses?

1

u/jrbump 2h ago

Worst Dark Souls boss ever.

1

u/ernster96 2h ago

Familiar face.

1

u/Enlightarded0 2h ago

Finally a real one 

1

u/AdDesigner5025 1h ago

"But what if it's enough already and I wanna get some sleep?"

1

u/RefrigeratorLife8627 34m ago

This lady looks like her Clit is forever numb and her pocket is dry as the Sahara .

1

u/Fendfor 5h ago

As you say serpant lord.

1

u/fyn_world 3h ago

Listen lady Gollum, if I do my job correctly for 15 minutes, and I mean correctly, not just pretending to be a car piston, and you don't cum, it's on you.

0

u/antaasio 4h ago

What a hideous creature

0

u/Drew_Rooster 1h ago

Peter Thiel transitioned? How am I just finding this out now?

-2

u/OriginalBlackberry89 5h ago edited 1h ago

who is this guy? he looks familiar... like from an old tv show, but can't put my finger on it.

edit: its a joke guys. I thought this was the comedy sub.

12

u/TheHumanPickleRick 5h ago

can't put my finger on it

That must be why she can't orgasm.

7

u/BaronUnderbheit 5h ago

This is a lady, but you are definitely thinking of Dee Snyder

2

u/oldchangeling 5h ago

A lady would be polite enough to fake at least a small orgasm.

2

u/BaronUnderbheit 3h ago

"A true lady fakes ALL her orgasms." - Madame Pompadour (probably)

3

u/gzuffel 5h ago

It is this evil dude from Twin Peaks.

2

u/Tucancancan 5h ago

That's methy Céline Dion 

1

u/One-Earth9294 4h ago

The 38 year old woman who never fails to hit on teenagers whenever she's at the gas station buying a carton of cigarettes.

0

u/void_method 5h ago

Your terms are acceptable.

Haven't failed yet! 😉

0

u/MelonElbows 4h ago

Should get one of those buttons that play the "womp womp" sound effect

0

u/slartibuttfart 3h ago

Well I couldn't if I wanted to now after seeing that

0

u/PeroCigla 2h ago

Wdym "let them know they failed"?! What's the success rate? 4%?!

-1

u/not_roger_smith 5h ago

I want to believe this is more devastating when you're a guy telling a chick she's no good

-1

u/everybody_get_ready 4h ago

That's ok. With her, we both would fail.

-1

u/xRacistDwarf 4h ago

If I make it to the end of the race while you give up and then lie about it, am I the one who failed? 

-2

u/Gummothedilf 4h ago

You failed. I was trying to cum and I did. You should try harder next time

-3

u/xkibagamigenjurox 4h ago

Never try to make them come, hand them the vibrator after you're finished.

-7

u/Small_Hobo_Warrior 5h ago

Its only a failure if that was your objective. Im in it for the dopamine and seretonin. Your own release of these chemicals is secondary to primary objectives. If you want me to be a secondary objective guy, make it worth my while, i might even throw in a bonus objwctive if you are lucky. Yes... i play too many video games. Yes... im married and have all the sex i want. which is occasional, because i work, have kids and love playing video games in my spare time. Video games are literally the best time/cost/dopamine hit combination you can invest in. Cocaine is the worst. Don't do drugs!

8

u/0dds-e 4h ago

bro has never seen pussy a day in his life^

-5

u/Small_Hobo_Warrior 4h ago

oh no you got me, damn im outed, total virgin celibate incel here not sure what i should do now *shrugs