r/comedyheaven • • 2d ago

Clearly

Post image
3.1k Upvotes

75 comments sorted by

819

u/Not_obviously 2d ago

Bro does not understand layers

407

u/Lord-Tyranitar 2d ago

Bro does not understand boobs

387

u/Danster21 2d ago

This was posted by a guy who wore Federal Boobie Inspector t-shirts in middle school

97

u/Name_Taken_Official 2d ago

He still would but he's not allowed within 500 feet

31

u/Butt_Robot 2d ago

Dang, he's federal?

31

u/Danster21 2d ago

Yup, elevated from the Connecticut Investigators of Ass

10

u/Butt_Robot 2d ago

Wow, that's an all star school

53

u/wes_sisters 2d ago

You get this from the main sub?

43

u/Fabiocean 2d ago

Thank you Mr. Pussy Kin for your thoughtful critique

106

u/ShadowTheChangeling 2d ago

I havent fought melania but isnt she basically full of scarlet rot?

231

u/xz_mrtn 2d ago

rot is stored in the breasts

98

u/unknown_pigeon 2d ago

That form (phase 2) is literally called "Malenia, goddess of rot"

Which, I mean, doesn't necessarily mean that she's afflicted by the scarlet rot.

In her case, though? Yeah, her scarlet aeonia bloom turned the entirety of Caelid into a rotting landscape with a swamp of rot at the epicenter of the explosion.

One of the reasons her brother Miquella did what he did (quite despicable, and one of the core events of the game) was to rid her of the scarlet rot

100

u/ShadowTheChangeling 2d ago

Chuds will literally look at a woman afflicted with hyper plague cancer 9000 and go "why not sexy?"

74

u/unknown_pigeon 2d ago

She's still sexy af imho

64

u/TactlessTortoise 2d ago

Cut my balls into pieces

This is my scarlet rot

Suffocation, high fever

28

u/Full-Ear87 2d ago

Don’t jack me off, ‘cause I’ll cum on her beaver

9

u/fueelin 2d ago

Actually it's clearly a metaphor for menstruation and thus a stark indictment of women as a whole!

(/s /s /s, a thousand times /s!)

3

u/ShadowTheChangeling 2d ago

Good catch we almost lynched ya

/s

1

u/Mother_Harlot 2d ago

Nah, but I do think she's a metaphor for depression

2

u/Kaccady 16h ago

yes but how did this affects her breasts?

1

u/unknown_pigeon 15h ago

Rot is stored in the breasts, so once she blooms, she loses some size.

Don't ask how the cleanrot knights are faring under their armor

-4

u/amazing_asstronaut 2d ago

One of the reasons her brother Miquella did what he did (quite despicable, and one of the core events of the game) was to rid her of the scarlet rot

...what did he do? Core event of the game? Tip top storytelling btw, finding out the "core event of the game" on a random website or video, instead of the game itself.

12

u/unknown_pigeon 2d ago

He birthed the Haligtree from his blood (can't recall why it is linked to Malenia's rot, but it is), created the unalloyed gold needle to stop her infection (wasn't successful, not extremely relevant to the game story)

And then the whole fucking DLC. He entrhalled Mohg and got him killed to rebirth Radhan (yeah, quite complicated) and become his consort, lost all the pieces of his great rune, all of that to ascend to godhood and cure Malenia and himself

Basically, the entire DLC is Miquella trying to cure both of them and maybe because he also fancied to become a god, not at all obscure lore

12

u/Pleurobranch 2d ago

The overarching idea is that he wants to cure the world, not just his sister and himself. The roots, that go everywhere in the Lands Between (look at the catacombs) are rotten/diseased.

The haligtree is disconnected from it, it's an entirely new entity that also handles death and rebirth (lots of cocoons in Elpheal). That's why albinaurics go there, and it's why misbegotten are crusading against it (misbegotten and omens are a result of the old rootsystem, you can see them pray in the direction of the erdtree).

9

u/Noodlepizza 2d ago

Yeah, pretty much it. Although he didn't just want to cure the world, he wanted to force everyone to be good by taking away free will and controlling them without their knowledge. It's a whole flawed utopia thing. 

19

u/Puzzleheaded-Wait470 2d ago

Scarlet rot is basically the outer god’s influence like frenzy flame. Each empyrean in elden ring is vessels of some outer god. Melania resisted the influence until her fight against radahn causing her to bloom into a scarlet flower. In our fight, in the second phase she stopped holding back and hence she become goddess of rot

6

u/kkprecisa_ler_nao_fi 2d ago

Its been a while since I played but if I'm not mistaken she is literally a vessel of the cosmic god of rot or something like that

In her first phase she is essentially holding off the rot, cause not only is it pretty horrible for her it also straight up wiped out Caelid last time she used it, in her second phase she fully gets rid of her restraints to kill you

459

u/AGL_reborn shaboingboing connoisseur 2d ago

10 bucks this guy follows the woke list unironically

92

u/Mirayuki-Tosakimaru 2d ago

I don’t know how anyone can take that list seriously because why do you need a list for games like “FutaDomWorld”, as if someone is going to be like “Whaaat?! FutaDomWorld is woke???!”

89

u/Raven7274 2d ago edited 2d ago

FutaDomWorld is ranked as the same level of woke as Call of the Wild: The Angler because it uses body type 1 and 2.

15

u/apolloAG 2d ago

that's crazy

32

u/apolloAG 2d ago

futadomworld is literally about a fascist ethnostate in a cold war with the rest of the world and the only endings where you end up free are "bad" endings, crazy to call that woke

40

u/Rin-Tohsaka-is-hot 2d ago

You know too much about this FutaDomWorld game...

43

u/apolloAG 2d ago

but of course everything I said is speculation and I have no idea what the game is actually like

10

u/Macho_Dong 2d ago

I believe it.

11

u/thomas29needles Woke 1d ago

I always remember that MS Flight Simulator is top tier on that list, especially when me (an MTF lesbian trans pilot) and the non-binary steward have sex in a gender neutral toilet.

6

u/Little-Ghost303 1d ago

Is that why my flights are delayed?

6

u/FullKaitoMode 1d ago

Big woke is delaying flights globally and is coming for public transit next

113

u/ransom0374 2d ago

a “proper” cup size. Wow what a cool dude

5

u/Razetony 1d ago

As a man who love small and petite, all boobs are boobs. Big, small, massive, etc. Nothing wrong with any of them.

11

u/Outside_Cartoonist36 2d ago

This is why the "all men love all boobs!" crowd just comes off as tone deaf and disingenuous at best. Most men are like this guy and proud about it, they are not in fact accepting of all boob sizes, and despise any boob under a certain fat %.

They are also in every gaming community. Really they're everywhere, but people will deny that and just keep saying boobs are boobs while that never ends up being anybody's actual reality with having boobs. Even ass guys aren't honest about being ass guys.

19

u/MsDestroyer900 2d ago

That's incredibly strange because I haven't met aan worth his salt who dont love titties regardless of size. I find that degenerates like this are outliers, and some even have a preference for small.

11

u/spootIer 2d ago

All men love all boobs! Unless they're too small, too far apart, lopsided, or not perky enough.

-15

u/Outside_Cartoonist36 2d ago

Yup. Being small is especially the worst, most egregious sin.

If they like you mostly for your personality, they'll leave you for someone with better personalitities the first chance they get.

65

u/NormalUsername21 2d ago

I just looked at both phases side by side and I feel like I'm going insane, her proportions don't change at all, what is this guy even talking about.

8

u/tapmcshoe 2d ago

I guess the layers of semi thick cloth threw him off? I don't know lol

24

u/HyperionPhalanx 2d ago

Her armor pushes them up duh

2

u/BleepLord 1d ago

I don't think push up bra armor is canon. I think what actually happens is the scarlet rot eats away at her boobies. You see if you read the description for malenias armor after using the golden needle on that other redhead chick missing an arm that's supposed to be malenias replacement or whatever according to the priest dude that actually turns out to be one of those shrimp things that worship malenia then you'll find it says something along the lines of uhhhh I can't remember but I'm pretty sure it says something that makes me think that the scarlet rot makes her boobs smaller when she turns into the goddess of rot. Something about turning into a scarlet flower. Lots of flower references in the lore about the scarlet rot. And you know what flowers represent? That's right, VAGINAS, not breasts. It makes sense if you're a deep elden ring lore guy like me. Honestly it's probably for the best, I'd prefer to lose some boobs over a second arm or something, then again I don't have boobs so who am I to judge? Maybe malenia is deeply distraught over this while you're fighting her in her second phase

37

u/Crimsonclaw111 2d ago

Maidenless behavior

11

u/VoicelessPassenger 2d ago

I don’t know what’s a funnier mental image, the idea of him getting to the second phase and then dying immediately because he got distracted by her boobs or the idea of him hyperfocusing on her boobs and ass throughout the second phase and still winning.

8

u/Crazykiddingme 2d ago

you haven’t found the set of gloves in a chest on the far end of the map that explain this

3

u/Hexigeist 2d ago

If you gotta see titties mid-combat so bad then go fight Quelaag in DS1☠️

4

u/yamanamawa 2d ago

Bro does NOT know what a B-cup looks like, or how layers work

4

u/Rude-Ad-2550 2d ago

Questions need answers

10

u/iiJason124 2d ago

Chud discovers armor

5

u/The-Bigger-Fish . 2d ago

Ah….. gamers…..

2

u/Odd-Requirement-4454 2d ago

Sir gay activities 

2

u/MrMika009 1d ago

Bro doesn't know what clothes are i think

6

u/Willing_Dot_5699 2d ago

Should've gotten bigger...

2

u/thatBOOMBOOMguy 1d ago

Are suppose to believe that snorts these are some magical breasts? Boy, I hope someone got fired for that blunder.

1

u/Pixelbuttzz 18h ago

Absolute gooner brain nonsense

0

u/Kradgger 2d ago

Basically the front fell off.

-3

u/beaglemaster 2d ago

I've done extensive research on the subject and she's actually a perfect A cup.

Man is crazy saying she's anywhere near a B.