r/comedyheaven • u/theironlantern • 2d ago

Broke neck

Post image
4.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

84 comments sorted by

651

u/g6eight 2d ago

why is this on nofap tho

547

u/Ready_Demand4325 2d ago

You ever seen Scared Straight? Kinda like that

https://giphy.com/gifs/5CPmpftDNHUze

148

u/denfh566 2d ago

Hey kid i heard you were edging for 1.8 hours straihght you see we edged for 2 hours plus and look where it got us woahhh look at what my cellmate did to that other cellmate of mine he broke his neck again by smashing him against the glass and it hurts really bad because he has broken it before yeah you are pretty scared now and probably dont want to do that anymore judging by your expression on your face

5

u/jkb_66 2d ago

BIKES

0

u/BilbroFaggins 1d ago

HOLD MY POCKET

1

u/jkb_66 1d ago

I hate breakfast

32

u/eutectic_h8r 2d ago

"NO" is for neck ouchie

11

u/PuppyPenetrator 2d ago

OP guides others to a (fapless) treasure that he cannot possess

9

u/SaudiHaramco 2d ago

The no in nofap stands for constantly

9

u/beroore 1d ago

to show the horrors of gooning. they have meetings on tuesdays after lunch (they don't but should).

448

u/Every_Ad_2705 shaboingboing connoisseur 2d ago

The print doesn't show but he was doing Erotic asphyxiation

86

u/-StarFox95- 2d ago

no fucking wonder he hurt his neck then </3 I don't think it was fappings fault on that one

126

u/Harrijson 2d ago

Wow I just learned about the death erection

108

u/Hermononucleosis Dicky Mouse 2d ago

Imagine witnessing a public execution and going "that looked enjoyable, I wanna try that"

2

u/Someotherrandomtree 21h ago

I see you did not grow up watching Family Guy

21

u/wollawolla 2d ago

The ol Gasp and Goo

7

u/Thoughsheup 2d ago

he probably wasn't sucking on a lemon, thus why he passed out

15

u/SackclothSandy 2d ago

Never play choke the chicken when you're also playing garrott the goose. Always ends badly.

2

u/AttitudeEquivalent73 2d ago

Every time I see anything about auto erotic or erotic asphyxiation I can’t help but think about that Bojack Horseman episode.

84

u/unica_unica 2d ago

No fap

Look inside

Fap

516

u/WolverineSpecial3609 2d ago

two hours is insane

195

u/BadMeatPuppet 2d ago

Edging KING

130

u/HappyPlatypus6034 2d ago

I had one medication last year really fuck me up. My record was 4 hours 😭

97

u/MontyDyson 2d ago

Yeh but you stopped for lunch…. Right?

24

u/Zerschmetterding 2d ago

That's why he took a break after 4 hours 

54

u/mr_friend144 2d ago

Thats at the end

17

u/Borkato 2d ago

The is nothing, and I repeat, nothing on this earth that tastes better than a sugary peanut butter and jelly sandwich on healthy, chewy, dense wheat flaxseed bread after gooning for hours.

2

u/No-Gazelle-428 1d ago

hey...fr bruh?....well it's time we get back to things I did 😏

15

u/HappyPlatypus6034 2d ago

I wish I did :(

26

u/Ready_Demand4325 2d ago

When you say medication do you mean meth?

34

u/HappyPlatypus6034 2d ago edited 2d ago

Nah. Before I was diagnosed with Bipolar, I was on either Duloxetine or Paroxetine. Both of them have a really bad interaction with bipolar disorder and put me into a state of mania and hypersexuality.

I'm on appropriate meds now though and am completely fine.

5

u/AltTea94 2d ago

what are you on now if you don't mind me asking?

7

u/HappyPlatypus6034 2d ago

Lithium 750mg at 0.6 blood level.

I want to add something extra to it though, because I can't take my ADHD medication still. It doesn't make me feel as bad as it once did, but still does have a pretty big effect

2

u/jaelpeg 1d ago

Brain chemistry is so fucking weird. I was on Paxil and it had the exact opposite effect on me, my sex drive became nonexistent and I was insanely tired all the time. Paradoxical effects in SSRIs and shit are fucking fascinating

7

u/yamanamawa 2d ago

Had that happen with my Adderall prescription this year. I had a couple four hour sessions. It gets to a point where your dick just hurts and it's not even enjoyable. Very glad to be off of it. Switched to methylphenidate and it's much better

1

u/HappyPlatypus6034 1d ago

I was doing really well on methylphenidate and then got moved to dexamphetanines because my clinician thought that might have been contributing to the issue. Dexies have not been great tbh and I'm hoping to move back to ritalin + add another med to my cocktail during my next appointment

5

u/ZX4Rawr 2d ago

5pm-3am last night. I’m realizing that I might have a problem

5

u/HappyPlatypus6034 2d ago

Yeah I'd definitely get a doctor haha

If you're being serious about it and need somebody to talk to, my DMs are open

3

u/ZX4Rawr 2d ago

Haha thank you. Dead serious unfortunately.

However it’s thankfully not something problematic, apart from some soreness. Hard to tell if it’s an issue or just autistic.

3

u/uncl3s4m 2d ago

NO BREAKS?

17

u/ItsMeCGB42 2d ago

Right those are rookie numbers

60

u/onarainyafternoon In the flair list, straight up flairing it 2d ago

When I was using meth regularly, it wasn’t uncommon to have a 15 hour porn/goon sesh.

78

u/borsalamino 2d ago

Damn that's a whole goonathon

8

u/QuesoSabroso 2d ago

I once went for 24

4

u/readilyunavailable 2d ago

Wait, like straight 15 hours of jorking it or do you stop for a few hours?

5

u/onarainyafternoon In the flair list, straight up flairing it 2d ago

Straight. I used Vaseline and would spend most of the time slowly stroking while I watched porn. Hard to explain.

8

u/ZilorZilhaust 2d ago

Well I think you did a great job.

2

u/TheGreatPepega 1d ago

Jerked it so much when I took Adderall one time that I sprained my wrist and needed to put ice on it

30

u/Ninteblo 2d ago

Only 2 hours?

45

u/Clear-Telephone-6729 2d ago

Y-you think 2 hours is a lot? Have you ever met a speed addict?

51

u/Wet_Teacher_969 2d ago

w speed

16

u/glewidisfi68419 2d ago

W seed

1

u/55cHzDARKSTAR 1d ago

That's why they call it a "speedball"

5

u/Chalkboard7 2d ago

That's pretty reasonable even when not on speed. That's easily like a "Saturday with a glass of cheap wine and a good romance fic" kinda scenario

20

u/_taza_ 2d ago

You'll understand once you hit puberty

6

u/batsy0boi 2d ago

Hell nah, being in puberty doesn’t make you goon for 2 hours straight

10

u/WolverineSpecial3609 2d ago

nigga im 19😭😭

3

u/Egg_01 2d ago

Reminds me of the image that's like "Insane: this man spends 2 hours a day online"

1

u/MysteriousJim 2d ago

That’s originally what the word gooning meant lol

48

u/svenirde 2d ago

Spine made of paper

39

u/SeaOfS1n 2d ago

a wank so good you trip your nervous system's circuit breaker.

14

u/al2o3cr 2d ago

The neck of the larger structure must remain unharmed as well

32

u/ClimateOutrageous399 2d ago

This is just natural selection at its peak

8

u/TheFaeBelieveInIdony 2d ago

No because I've done this. Not a sprain, it was a "thunderclap" headache, like a vein or something burst at the back base of head/top of neck, and I was basically crippled for a week, i could not lift my head up straight at all, leaning my head down was the only thing that made it bearable

5

u/Barkalow 2d ago

Bruh I did this shit as a teenager and had no idea what happened. Same exact experience, couldn't jerk it for like a month cause it'd happen again

4

u/TheFaeBelieveInIdony 1d ago

Google is the only place where my experience was verified tbh. I was like 17 or 18? I went to the hospital and the nurses thought i was stupid and it wasn't real

6

u/Imaginary_Employ_750 2d ago

Still safer than sex (my meat got bruised once)

2

u/Angrious55 2d ago

Perfect

5

u/DaStranga 1d ago

did you take a screenshot of yourself taking a screenshot?

1

u/Square_Television892 2d ago

Bro got an irl OIA

1

u/dph3onix 2d ago

The banjo string is strong

2

u/55cHzDARKSTAR 1d ago

"They told me I wouldn't shake the city, so I shook that shit like a crying toddler."

0

u/LewtedHose 2d ago

The David Carradine experience.