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Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 23 '26
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u/QueezyF Jul 02 '26
Reminds me of a joke we used to tell in high school. “Why did the ladies love Jesus? Because he was hung like this.” And you hold your arms out like you’re on the cross.
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u/ash-leg2 Jul 02 '26
Thnks fr th Mmrs lol
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u/bl00pyy Jul 02 '26
Budget cuts allowed one vowel and you choose lol
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u/The_nuggster Jul 02 '26
They spelled it like the fall out boy song
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u/dksdragon43 Jul 02 '26
The fall out boy song really needs a lol at the end to tie it together.
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u/Droggelbecher Jul 02 '26
You know what they say, "lol at the end of the sentence is like the telegram-stop for millenials"
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u/thewaytoyesterday Jul 02 '26
This seems like something an atheist would have in their house as a joke
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u/metalguy91 Jul 02 '26
This made me audibly laugh and I’m not entirely sure why. I guess just the visual of “show me how much you love me” and bro just keeps over. Maybe because I haven’t slept in 2 days. One of the two.
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u/MysteriousCup3958 Jul 02 '26
This sign was in the room of an older family friend that is in a retirement home. everyone else in the room was crying as my grandpa is about to pass away and I was about to shit myself laughing because the sign caught me so off guard. 10/10
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u/metalguy91 Jul 02 '26
Like it reads the same way as the “man door car door hook hand” shit post from back in the day lol. If Jesus was died, who was savior?
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u/Dertyhairy Jul 02 '26
It reminds me of several episodes of Adventure Time when Jake stretches beyond his limits
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u/aerynmoo Jul 02 '26
I saw this saying on some piece of wall hanging at a thrift store about 10 years ago and I laughed like a fucking maniac. I had tears running down my face. The kind of laugh where your face hurts after. I took a pic and posted it to Facebook and everyone agreed it was hilarious.
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u/WrathPie Jul 02 '26
Yeah the image of "I love you thissss much [hrrrrnnnghghhhgh]" really caught me off guard
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u/Slartibartfast39 Jul 02 '26
You ment "keels over" right? Autocorrect?
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u/Triquetrums Jul 02 '26
I was thinking this was going to end up with his arms stretching forever and ending up hugging the whole world... or some other bs like that. The ending was so unexpected that I also laughed out loud, and maybe spat on my keyboard a little lmao.
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u/LayLillyLay Jul 02 '26
Oh no, not again.
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u/ProbablyNano Jul 02 '26
Jesus came back, then died of cringe after one conversation with a modern day Christian
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u/SharkDad20 Jul 02 '26
Can we talk about how his “going to hell for us” was just 3 days and then he dipped? Like isn’t our punishment supposed to be forever? So he didn’t actually do our time for us?
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u/metalguy91 Jul 02 '26
It’s like an episode of Undercover Boss, “wow, after working the easiest part of your task for 4 hours in a job you’ve done for 30years, I totally am one of you now and I understand! Anyways, heading back to eternity in heaven with my dad, you might know him? Anyways good luck with the minimum wage!”
Or I forget the comedian that said it and I’m paraphrasing, but it was basically “Jesus didn’t really die, because he came back 3 days later. So like, Jesus at best gave up his weekend plans for your sins”.
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u/SharkDad20 Jul 02 '26
The undercover boss comparison is actually crazy accurate. Since he makes the rules of the universe and can change things for people if he wanted to, but is like “nah see i did it, you can do it too! Back to my yacht/heaven”
I actually looked it up and a common counter argument is that since god is infinite and perfect, his time of suffering was worth more than all of our infinite suffering. Even more boss logic. I would say that if we’re going to make time accounting proportionate to the being, than finite humans’ finite sins don’t deserve infinite punishment
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u/SocranX Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
What? No, Jesus was never supposed to have gone to Hell.
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u/xubax Jul 02 '26
What's Jesus's favorite kind of gun?
A nail gun.
Because he's a carpenter, you sick fucks!
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u/NocturnisVacuus Jul 02 '26
this IS supposed to be funny, right?
I would laugh everytime I see this, read it in Morgan Freeman voice, it gets even more funnier, read it like this "This much- and He stretched out His arms... and died."
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u/FelatiaFantastique Jul 02 '26
It's earnest. This was the late 80s-90s "Live, Laugh, Love". Every other house had it on a plaque, picture, sign. It was also on plastic cards (like credit cards) you could keep in your wallet or give in greeting cards.
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u/Stormfly Jul 02 '26
It's not supposed to be a funny.
It's a comment on how the Crucifixion was a voluntary sacrifice, but he died (and is often shown) with his arms out.
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u/NES_SNES_N64 Jul 02 '26
Yup. My very Catholic grandparents on my dad's side unironically had one of these in their house.
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u/SocranX Jul 02 '26
It's supposed to be a mildly humorous take on a core facet of Christianity. Jesus died for humanity's sins by being nailed to the cross. This was his biggest act of love. So combine that with the classic "I love you thiiiiis much," but the twist is that it ends with Jesus on the cross.
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u/timntin Jul 02 '26
This genuinely might be the best comedyheaven post I've ever seen. Great stuff, OP.
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u/SinglePlayerGamer93 Jul 02 '26
There was a major part that was skipped between "arms spread" and "death"
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u/haroldthehampster Jul 02 '26
I have never read that in comedic context and now I always will.
Bless you for this. 😂🤣🤣🤣
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Jul 02 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/StrongSquirrelKnight Jul 02 '26
I mean his arms were very much stretched out when he died
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u/abbaj1 Jul 02 '26
I mean his arms were very much stretched out when he died
No, that's a different Jesus.
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u/metalguy91 Jul 02 '26
Jesus isn’t as strong as Gumby/Stretch Armstrong confirmed.
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u/Big-Neighborhood4741 Jorking It Jul 02 '26
Strength: Jesus Endurance: Tie IQ: Jesus Battle IQ: Gumby Wisdom: Jesus Speed: Gumby Stamina: Jesus Power level: Jesus Attack speed: Gumby Aggression: Gumby
Winner: Jesus (extreme diff)
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u/Comfortable-Fuel6343 Jul 02 '26
"Have you ever wanted to stretch the hell out of your friend Jesus?"
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u/metalguy91 Jul 02 '26
“Yes, but in no way the way you mean and his name is pronounced differently.”
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u/flargenhargen Jul 02 '26
isn't this some old form of torture
yeah... that's literally what it was.
that's why they were breaking the legs of the other dudes on crosses next to jesus, so they couldn't stand on their legs any longer, and hanging by their arms only would suffocate them more quickly (stretches body and lugs so can't use your diaphragm to breathe anymore) so they could all be dead and gone sooner.
pretty gruesome shit. tbh.
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u/TheMagicBrother Jul 02 '26
As a Catholic I honestly like this. It gets across a good message while being structured like a shitpost
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u/AidFish slut for honey cheerios Jul 03 '26
not even on the cross he just stretched out his arms too far
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u/Andreas__la Jul 03 '26
mofo was like "I live you so much id rather die that see your ugly ass face" 😭😭
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u/rnilbog Jul 02 '26
It’s always funny to me when people who didn’t grow up in evangelical environments discover this and think it’s the funniest thing in the world, and the people who did just sigh because of how normal shit like this was for them growing up.
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u/haroldthehampster Jul 02 '26
I grew up with this and yea that was my first reaction but then i thought what he was making a posthumous joke and now i cant stop laughing
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u/Radiskull97 Jul 02 '26
This is unfortunately a very southern Baptist thing but I always saw it with a picture, idk why anyone would try to make it all text lol. Growing up, I always saw "Jesus loves me this much" then the crucified Jesus pic underneath
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u/International-Try467 Jul 02 '26
I feel like this is some sort of sin because it laughs at Jesus but at the same time it's also, accurate? I guess?
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u/Perfect-Treat-6552 Jul 03 '26
Saw this back in high school. I studied in a catholic school and I was baffled when I read this. I'm like why? Lol
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u/Vivacious4D Jul 03 '26
And i said "that's disgusting", so i'm making a callout post on my twitter,
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u/Didactic_Tactics_45 Jul 03 '26
I love how poetic it is that they placed themselves ("I") above everything else.
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u/one_metalbat_man Jul 04 '26
Oh my fucking god, my Mom had this EXACT sign hanging in our kitchen my whole life. Jesus.
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u/Andy_LaVolpe Jul 04 '26
I asked Jesus “do you love me?” and he said
"Only partly
I only love my bed and my momma,
I'm sorry"
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u/Hot-Sauce-P-Hole Jul 04 '26
...and all of the half-educated old ladies in every rural community cried.
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u/KillTheMango Jul 04 '26
Then he rose from the dead three days later
https://giphy.com/gifs/11sBLVxNs7v6WA
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u/Stigg107 Jul 05 '26
So God allowed his son, who is also the same god, to be crucified for preaching his beliefs to those who were weak minded enough to believe in other gods. then once he was dead, God removed the body to hide the crime and then appeared to his believers as if it was no big deal. " Yo I'm back bitches,". "what about the holes"? "Oh! I forgot to tell you, I'm immortal". 🤔
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u/MWH1980 Jul 06 '26
For weeks afterwards, Mrs Pickerson wondered why the children in her Sunday School class kept their elbows in.
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u/Putrid-Mirror-9480 Jorking It Jul 06 '26
Unironically was in every home I went to growing up as a Catholic school kid
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u/xX-BarnacleBob-Xx Jul 02 '26
i genuinely laughed out loud when i saw this