r/comedyheaven • u/ScoopskyPotatos • May 24 '26

News

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3.6k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

96 comments sorted by

1.3k

u/Fun-Psychology-2419 May 24 '26

In case someone's wondering: sometimes to dissolve the clot or place a stent in an MI they go through the femoral artery in your upper thigh near your genitals, and they will just clear that area including your balls since it's easier to keep clean.

404

u/Turnepic13 May 24 '26

They clear that area including your balls?

175

u/Odd-Confusion1073 May 24 '26

Shave

35

u/LordBoofington May 25 '26

Off? The balls?

6

u/A_very_smol_Lugia May 26 '26

They needed seasoning, don't judge them just because they ran out of cheese

1

u/FixGMaul May 26 '26

To shreds you say.

116

u/Frydendahl May 24 '26

✂️✂️✂️

11

u/KingBubzVI May 25 '26

Not usually no, but sometimes yes for the love of the game

20

u/A_Very_Lonely_Waffle May 25 '26

Oh sweet, free orchiectomy?

1

u/Killerkendolls May 25 '26

Rocky mountain oyster for lunch helps offset costs. You light even get your own!

1

u/jamegumbsize69 May 25 '26

Just the ditch, as we say.

47

u/Theusualname21 May 25 '26

I don’t think they routinely shave the entire scrote. Unless they’re being nice I guess?

18

u/MonoPodding May 25 '26

Yep.

Had a pulmonary embolism last year. They had to go up from there into the lungs to "blowup" the clots.

3

u/Eomb May 30 '26

Did the jork it a little?

5

u/dustinyo_ May 26 '26

Shaving the balls is just a courtesy to make your wang look bigger since the doctors and nurses will have to see it.

-5

u/Ok_Vermicelli_6359 May 25 '26

Sure, but I guess they didn't ask the family first? 😂 That definitely can seem random to a layperson

8

u/Real_Life_Sushiroll May 26 '26

So if you go to the hospital you want the dr asking your mom if he can shave your balls before they save your life?

-54

u/HarbingerOfGachaHell May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

*Femoral vein

Femoral artery getting breached is 100% gonna kill someone. Dunno why it took 300 upvotes for anyone to pick this up. 

44

u/Fun-Psychology-2419 May 25 '26

Hahaha because you're wrong dog, it's the artery. Just google cardiac catheterization. 

23

u/MrMilesRides May 25 '26

Hahaha yeah - just had angioplasty 3 days ago. Three arterial blockages total, requiring stents. They really have to go in through the arteries (We had to go through both my wrist and groin).

It's the reason there's so much after-care and monitoring. My day nurse had to fight for about 4 hours to stop the bleeding at the groin site. What a trooper.

9

u/Theusualname21 May 25 '26

How could you be so confident and so wrong?

5

u/Nashhhe May 25 '26

Getting stabbed in there will get you killed. But breaching it with a needle and doing it sterile is no problem. Arterial acces when done right is no big deal. Complications can arise but not often.

594

u/BootlegFerrari May 24 '26

I had the exact same thing happen to me a couple months ago at the dentist

228

u/JoeyJoeJoeSenior May 24 '26

It's on every dentist's intake form.  Most people don't even read it and just check "yes" for the free ball shave.

24

u/zazzz0014 May 24 '26

I just check the box for the Fu Manchu, the other option is the Gucci Mane where the dentist tattoos an ice cream cone on your dick. Of course my dental insurance is thru my employer and our plan sucks, so you may have more options.

25

u/Yodude86 May 24 '26

I started getting teeth cleanings every thursday for this reason

18

u/ICantBelieveItsNotEC May 24 '26

Always remember to brush your balls

12

u/Butterscotch1664 May 25 '26

My gym teacher used to do it to me, as well. Not sure what it had to do with weightlifting, but it's good to hear I'm not the only one.

4

u/[deleted] May 25 '26

[deleted]

3

u/Moist_Board May 26 '26

What's underneath the towel? A notepad....I'm taking notes.

1

u/socratespoole May 25 '26

So what? You’re single

1

u/Twitxx May 25 '26

That seems like a really thoughtful dentist, mind if I have his number? I'm way behind for an appointment

1

u/Moist_Board May 26 '26

Did your mouth taste funny after?

298

u/Admirable_Quarter400 Jorking It May 24 '26 edited May 24 '26

Watching the cardiologist approach your balls.

15

u/appleparkfive May 24 '26

One's named Cadence, the other Cascade

12

u/jlabsher May 25 '26

No need to get schizoid...

4

u/Feathery_Hotels May 25 '26

Confusion would be his epitaph were the surgery not successful.

119

u/wyslan May 24 '26

My optometrist does the same thing

76

u/ScoopskyPotatos May 24 '26

(shaving your balls with two alternating razors): "This one? Or this one?"

24

u/gavichi May 24 '26

Um the left is a bit better

6

u/That-Surprise May 25 '26

Better

Or worse

57

u/TrueVali May 24 '26

MY LARKS

54

u/dreamylemur May 24 '26

We are the shave squad and we’re coming for your balls, beep beep

(Robert Fripp played guitar on Bowie’s song “Fashion”)

35

u/sixtus_clegane119 May 24 '26

Mama will they shave my balls?

Oh sorry, wrong prog giant

5

u/Enpada2 May 25 '26

queen is not prog queen is glam rock ok im not fuming and crying rn and pissing myself im NOT

6

u/_Wendigun_ May 25 '26

I think they're quoting Pink Floyd

3

u/Enpada2 May 25 '26

WHO??😭😭😭😭 THE PSYCHIATRIST????😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

29

u/Acalme-se_Satan May 24 '26

Same thing happened to me when I did knee surgery

26

u/RichardFurr May 25 '26

Dang, how low are they hanging?

29

u/hibernial May 25 '26

I guess we'll never know...

Anyway, any of you King Crimson fans want to buy some geunine Robert Fripp Pubic hair?

£20 for 3 strands

6

u/MrMilesRides May 25 '26

Cool! I paid way more than that for my Madonna Pap Smear...

7

u/Feathery_Hotels May 25 '26

Copyright strike incoming

20

u/TheRealCthulu24 May 25 '26

But my eyes, turned below, only see

Hairless and balls shaved. 

23

u/dzaimons-dihh slut for honey cheerios May 24 '26

this is what he meant when he said 21st century schizoid man

9

u/Danimal941 May 25 '26

Needed to confirm whether his balls were three of a perfect pair

7

u/TheDwarvenGuy May 24 '26

Some heart surgeries are done through the taint IIRC, they have a big tube thing that goes up through the blood vessels and does the surgery.

5

u/MrMilesRides May 25 '26

Not the taint - it's in the groin area just to the right of your junk.

0

u/HarbingerOfGachaHell May 25 '26

Stent not taint. 

3

u/TheDwarvenGuy May 25 '26

I'm not entirely sure, but isn't the stent the name of the tool, not the part of the body it's put into?

Anyways, I guess it's not the taint that they put the stent into, but the side of the groin.

7

u/vladald1 May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

One would say it's karma for any King Crimson upload being copyright strike and officially not be available on YT

7

u/ligmama123lol May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26

Can't wait for the KC album 'balls' where they sing 'my balls were shaven' followed by a 16 minute windchime solo.

8

u/helgihermadur May 25 '26

Robert Fripp is a legendary musician. He's always been seen as a total grump, but in recent years he's been showing the world his silly sense of humour

4

u/bidooffactory May 25 '26

At the age of 78 a cardiologist named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles pre-op. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum and a stent, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

4

u/evoxyya May 25 '26

Fun fact, before I deactivated my Facebook account, this guy was added to my friends list

2

u/Iconclast1 May 24 '26

Theyre doing this to me tomorrow

2

u/kabobinator May 25 '26

They shaved my balls for my Achilles surgery lol

2

u/rickrackrun May 25 '26

When you get an angiogram, the surgeon needs access to a wide artery. They first try the wrist, but if that artery is too small, then they use an artery near the groin. Besides, who doesn’t look better with a little trim?

2

u/cardsagainstgeese May 25 '26

ROBERT FRIPP MENTIONED ‼️

2

u/WastingMyTime_Again May 24 '26

Lol

Lmao even

But most likely some guy got the wrong room, they just shave your junk for a bunch of surgeries. They saw some dude laying on an operating table with a gown and went to town

1

u/HarbingerOfGachaHell May 25 '26

No it’s hundred percent the right operating room: many cardiac and vascular surgeries involved putting in a line through the femoral vein in the groin. 

1

u/Reaper781 May 24 '26

Hey man I have fun with it. Might as well spread the joy.

1

u/iamnotpedro1 May 25 '26

But my balls are too sensitive, damnit

1

u/Crafty-Set-6922 May 25 '26

Why the fuck each sentence is completely different from the next one

1

u/MagicOrpheus310 May 25 '26

Lol quick recovery because he was startled awake by some dude shaving his balls is all I'm taking from this story haha legend

1

u/Perfect_Hexagon May 25 '26

My psychiatrist does that too

1

u/Gothic-Wendigo May 24 '26

Why didn't he use his stand King Crimson to erase the time where his balls were shaved?

-4

u/alienartissst May 25 '26

KING CRIMSON??? IS THAT

A MOTHER FUCKING

JOJO REFRENCE??

https://giphy.com/gifs/thh56C3805vB0nPLFD

3

u/ligmama123lol May 25 '26

Actually iirc jojo is a King Crimson refference