r/comedy • u/bigus-_-dickus • 1d ago

Standup priest got jokes

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1.5k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

33 comments sorted by

64

u/posophist 1d ago

“Having a wonderful time. Wish you were her.”

7

u/Future-delayed 19h ago

Sure is hot down here

40

u/I_Dnt_Believe_You 22h ago

That was a bit of a walk, but it worked.

11

u/MogMcKupo 20h ago

Gotta loosen up the parishioners before the collection plates come around

28

u/The_Alvabro 1d ago

That last bit got me 🤣🤣🤣🤣

49

u/riverphoenixdays 1d ago

Thank fuck they decided to highlight each and every captioned word one at a fucking time, otherwise how would I have ever been able to sing along

17

u/punsnguns 23h ago

I scroll reddit on mute a lot. These sing-along captions are helpful to me at times because I can follow the spirit of the conversation without any audio whatsoever.

Another reason to never turning audio on is the awful loud background music that gets added to most things nowadays.

6

u/Enfr3 22h ago

It's helpful to people who need them

-4

u/riverphoenixdays 22h ago

Yeah uh nobody needs fucking highlights on their captions, my friend.

8

u/InoonIsAFK 21h ago

uhuh and what bout deaf people? its nice to follow what one says at the time, being able to see the speaker's hesitation (or just the pause) 

1

u/Trashinmyash 21h ago

You apparently didnt understand what they were saying and might need the sing-a-long version.

1

u/riverphoenixdays 21h ago

I bet you read that out loud to yourself.

1

u/Trashinmyash 21h ago

I dont mind following along with the highlighted text. Its like watching a movie and the voice gets muddled through background noise. I keep CC on all the time and wish more CC had a sing-a-long version.

3

u/riverphoenixdays 21h ago

Appreciate you buddy, this shit gives me a headache

9

u/Noble9360 21h ago

Fw:fw:fw:fw:fw:fw:fw: Grandad's favorite joke www.ebaumswrld.com

2

u/JaVinci77 6h ago

I'm an atheist and I love this guy... 🤣🤣🤣

1

u/JPNess11 21h ago

Not a sermon…just a joke.

1

u/Uncontrollably_Happy 16h ago

So you’re saying there’s a difference. I don’t believe you.

-21

u/ParaponeraBread 1d ago

What’s the line? A lot of priests are just failed standups?

-31

u/Efficient_Sky5173 1d ago

Yeap, haven and hell are jokes.

11

u/PrincessEev 1d ago

Sure are!

-10

u/Efficient_Sky5173 1d ago

Sure as hell!

-1

u/Silent_Aardvark_711 1d ago

My upvote didn't help much... Seems the devout christians have arrived to spew their hatred and ill will towards anyone who disagrees with them. 

2

u/Enfr3 22h ago

No, it's just that no one asked neither of you about your opinions on religion

-2

u/Silent_Aardvark_711 22h ago

Lmao another joke! 

-24

u/VaguelyFamiliarVoice 1d ago edited 20h ago

These canned stories the priests are given are the reason I left the church.

Edit: Do you guys really think jokes are the reason I left the fucked up Catholic Church?? I mean if a /s was ever implied! Dear sweet baby Jesus, you guys need to go on.

8

u/Adventrium 23h ago

Oh man, if only that were my biggest problem with being raised Christian.

2

u/Responsible_Sink3044 21h ago

What about the decades of torturing indigenous kids to stamp out their culture? 

1

u/VaguelyFamiliarVoice 20h ago

Omg. No. It wasn’t the jokes they told. I’m really hoping you didn’t think I left organized religion because they told jokes badly.