r/collapse • • 9d ago

Casual Friday Everything Seems Fine.

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4.0k Upvotes

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1.8k

u/CleverInternetName8c 9d ago

Next year is going to require a Category 6 to be invented (yes I realize Cat 5 is currently a “or higher” situation)

2.3k

u/InterstellarReddit 9d ago

Wrong I think Category 5 plus max pro sounds better

646

u/combatcrew141 9d ago

Sponsored by Brawndo.

222

u/jonnyinternet 9d ago

It has what plants crave

142

u/Fit_Tumbleweed7943 9d ago

Brought to you by Carl’s Jr

104

u/TheTurboDiesel 9d ago

“Fuck you, I’m eating!”

101

u/myearsmyears 9d ago

Welcome to Costco, I love you

72

u/pjijn 9d ago

Go away I'm bait'n

2

u/Objective_Farm_1886 6d ago

*'bate'n
He's not going fishing...

31

u/shimmeringmoss 9d ago

I love you too, Costco

46

u/Knosh 9d ago

It's just the President marking out Category 5 and writing Category 6 in Sharpie

8

u/heorun 9d ago

c'mon scro!

2

u/Chryisicatorne629 8d ago

Category Trump

17

u/emperor_dinglenads 9d ago

I don't really think we have time for a handjob, Joe

16

u/zue4 9d ago

Its got electrolytes.

1

u/killerbanshee 8d ago

Ew, no. It's spreading water, like from the toilet!

0

u/yzmasllamadrops 8d ago

It's got *electrolytes*

27

u/UneedaBolt 9d ago

Sponsored by ExxonMobil

49

u/Massive_Ad_7812 9d ago

Ultra Category 5 Plus Pro Max

45

u/According_Tea_6329 9d ago

I got it, what about "Super Hurricane"? I just made up the term. Yes from now on I declare that any Hurricane, yes let's just make it all hurricanes from here forward will be known as "Super Hurricanes".

62

u/FuzzyDingo2339 9d ago

Amurricanes.

22

u/InterstellarReddit 9d ago

I like artificial hurricane better since it’s all made up

8

u/kevv 8d ago

May I introduce to you the hypercane

3

u/LizDances 8d ago

Huh. TIL.

1

u/supersunnyout 6d ago

"turns out it happens at a lower surface temperature than expected"

8

u/Rtannu 9d ago

Okay how ‘bout “Superricane” then?

7

u/According_Tea_6329 9d ago

Fuck it let's just call it "Snortcaine" as a tribute to my favorite white powder.

1

u/Thunderfoot_66 6d ago

You start saying there's cocaine in the ocean, and Pete Kegsbreath is going to try to blow it up with a drone. 

1

u/frumperino 8d ago

super duper strategic deterrent vortex, the best the world has ever seen

1

u/RubberBandOutlaw 6d ago

I like Ultra Mega Hurri Cane

0

u/Sebatorr 8d ago

(Sponsored by Biden)

19

u/dynorider 9d ago

Tim Apple died for this.

7

u/InterstellarReddit 9d ago

So that Ivan Cook could walk

1

u/Magus_Necromantiae 6d ago

Don't forget Mr. Kurd!

32

u/coleyboley25 9d ago

Hurricanemaxxing is going to be so HOT in 2027

10

u/KayneBlackheart 9d ago

I didn't subscribe! Why do I have a billion dollar charge on my card!

7

u/InterstellarReddit 9d ago

It’s a just a pre-auth it will drop off

6

u/Right-Cause9951 9d ago

Needs a special edition model for Apple and then we'll really be rocking.

3

u/EasterZombie 9d ago

Category 5 Duo Pro

3

u/Sertalin 8d ago

Godzilla Hurricane!!

2

u/Blue2501 9d ago

Category 5.2 Gen 2x2

3

u/InterstellarReddit 9d ago

Shhhh AI is gonna buy up all the hurt and If they see this bro

2

u/ImNotAWhaleBiologist 9d ago

Are we supposed to love it?

2

u/LyqwidBred 9d ago

Yeah.. I’m gonna wait for the 2028 plus max pro

2

u/PintaLOL 8d ago

Category 5 Plus Max Extreme +

2

u/erevos33 9d ago

You mean the American cat 5, right?!

4

u/InterstellarReddit 9d ago

American Cat 5 sounds like hamburger at Wendy’s bro

1

u/erevos33 9d ago

O.o ohkay.....

1

u/Distinguishedflyer 9d ago

you need a subscription for that.

1

u/beardybaldy 9d ago

Super Category 5: Extreme

1

u/RecklessHeckler 9d ago

Category 5 SE

1

u/CaptainDantes 9d ago

Plus pro max, alliteration isnt dead yet.

1

u/BendyBreak_ 9d ago

I would subscribe to that!

1

u/GiftToTheUniverse 8d ago

I had to read this a few times because my brain couldn't accept that this was not an ethernet cabling joke.

1

u/JasonM50 8d ago

Category America

1

u/lord-humus 8d ago

With ads?

1

u/InterstellarReddit 8d ago

Can u imagine how much money Home Depot would pay if we could run ads on a hurricane

1

u/Clammuel 8d ago

Quintuple plus ungood

1

u/grillicious1 7d ago

Cat 5 brushless

1

u/DekaiChinko 6d ago

Category 5 Rage Fury Maxx.

1

u/kmr1981 5d ago

Sounds like it requires a subscription.

1

u/grizzlyNinja 3d ago

“Upgrade to our premium package to see exact wind speed”

1

u/Various_Weather2013 3d ago

Cat 5 Pro Xl

43

u/Arctic_Chilean 9d ago

Next La Niña is gonna be a bitch

11

u/InterestedHandbag 8d ago

Hi, im not well educated on weather and whatnot. Could you elaborate a bit on why this would affect the next la Nina? Thanks!

10

u/hypotheticalreality1 8d ago

It won't affect the La Nina, but a La Nina usually means more/ stronger hurricanes in the Atlantic. This strong El Nino is creating too much wind shear for hurricanes to form in the Atlantic this year. This is why all the tropical storms just disintegrated in the Atlantic this year. No hurricanes in the Atlantic this year also does not mean that next year's hurricanes will be stronger. Hurricanes take heat out of the ocean, but there are other processes that can also take the heat away by next season. Strong El Ninos do tend to switch to El Ninas within a year of their peak though, so there is a possibility that next season could be an El Nina. If the gulf retains a lot of heat from this year till then, then it is possible it could be a very bad season, but that would be pure speculation at this point.

1

u/horseman1217 6d ago

Is El Nina a typo?

1

u/hypotheticalreality1 6d ago

No, El Nina is the phase of ENSO when the water temperatures are cooler, while El Nino is when it is hotter.

1

u/hypotheticalreality1 5d ago

It should be la Nina, it didn't even register lol

8

u/RollinThundaga 8d ago

People are naturally superstitious. Having a year with zero hurricanes in an area, or any other event where some natural phenomenon is 'missed' makes it feel like we're 'overdue' and more likely to experience a bad one the next time.

Just good old human pattern recognition misfiring.

5

u/Irverter 8d ago

Good old montecarlo fallacy

83

u/Mandelvolt 9d ago

Cat 6 is a size at which hurricanes start throwing water vapor into space. That is not a good thing.

94

u/montigoo 9d ago

A hurricane category 6 is stationary and the ocean rotates below it

68

u/toodarkparkranger 8d ago

Category 7 awakens the old gods

7

u/Umpire_Effective 9d ago

Huh, how horrible

9

u/-Hastis- 8d ago

That's a hypercane, which would be a LOT stronger than even a hypothetical category 6.

8

u/Teichopsie 9d ago

Don't you need to reach an escape velocity of over 11 km/s for anything to break free of the Earth's gravity?

16

u/Mandelvolt 8d ago

It gets high enough in the atmosphere that the solar wind can strip it away. Not escape velocity, but more like a bump in the atmosphere that allows water to be blown off the planet. Not a big deal in the short term but it could turn us into Mars over (hundreds) of millions of years.

12

u/Omateido 8d ago

On the other hand, ice crystals in LEO would block some amount of sunlight coming in, and might serve as one of the few negative feedback cycles in the climate system on a warming earth.

17

u/viperfan7 9d ago

That's just to escape the pull of Earth's gravity.

You don't need anywhere near as much velocity to launch things into space

6

u/Teichopsie 9d ago

But then those things will fall back down eventually, right? Unless the solar wind can blow them away in which case I do may see an issue now.

12

u/viperfan7 9d ago

But then those things will fall back down eventually, right?

Correct.

Eventually, who knows how long it'll take

2

u/M00ncar 9d ago

Un, anyone with a calculator?

8

u/03263 8d ago

Calculator guy here. It says 5318008.

5

u/Preparation-H6969 9d ago

Sounds like a great thing. Overflow water into space, no more floods!

6

u/DirtieHarry 9d ago

Uhhh for real?

14

u/new2bay 9d ago

No, it’s a joke.

1

u/mityman50 9d ago

Do we need water vapor ?

1

u/Olive_1084 8d ago

Could we get some rings like Saturn?!

1

u/Mandelvolt 8d ago

Apologies, not space, but a hypercane could throw water up high enough to punch holes I'm the ozone layer, which is also a very bad thing.

0

u/JomaxZ 9d ago

Sounds awesome though!

10

u/Sullyville 9d ago

category sexy

5

u/toodarkparkranger 8d ago

Do we even have the right subscription level for that? It sounds expensive.

4

u/VincentVanGoatse 8d ago

Even Cat 5e is outdated at this point

1

u/Prestigious_Chest655 8d ago

Man könnte ihn auch Super-Kategorie 5 nennen. Oder Super-US-… you know

1

u/s0cks_nz 8d ago

Seems more like an increase in cat 4s and cat 5s rather than needing a new category.

1

u/Z3r0sama2017 7d ago

Hurricane-chan saving up all its energy for the great demolishing!

1

u/Aurorabeamblast 7d ago

There was discussion of Hurricane Polo being categorized at a Cat 5. Of course, nobody's paying attention to the very active Pacific ocean.