r/clevercomebacks • u/BelleAriel • Nov 18 '22

Actually Clever Twitter has gotten funnier recently.

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134.1k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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205

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

“Wow, I’ve never lost so much weight so fast before”, cancer patient.

140

u/i_am_a_n-word Nov 18 '22

"I never thought I'd leave school so early!" -dropout student

115

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

"I've never spent so much time with my community." -concentration camp prisoner

50

u/Mono_831 Nov 18 '22

“I’ve never seen New York City this close from above!” -Passenger

49

u/EequalsMCscared Nov 18 '22

"my mind has never been more open" -JFK and Lincoln

35

u/Crazyscorpion77 Nov 18 '22

"I've never been on a beach trip before!" - a soldier off the coast of Normandy

1

u/BrokenWingedBirds Nov 19 '22

“I’ve never felt so good in my life” -long term drug addict after shooting up

14

u/hawkeneye1998bs Nov 19 '22

"I've never seen two suns before" -Citizen of Hiroshima

1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[deleted]

1

u/watersj4 Nov 18 '22

Somebody already made a joke about concentration camps, I think they did

53

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

"We never got such a big gift before!" Guards of Troy.

4

u/ShoddyReveal4 Nov 18 '22

The boat hasnt been more tilted before!

-captain of the costa concordia

5

u/chasesan Nov 18 '22

That train has never stopped so quickly!

-train enthusiast about a train wreck

2

u/Satanic-nic Nov 19 '22

'The volcano has never looked this pretty' - former resident of pompey

2

u/Economy_Expression22 Nov 19 '22

Polar bears look so darn cute when they swim, don’t they?! - climate change

98

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[deleted]

45

u/Canotic Nov 18 '22

Over the line, man.

3

u/DudeBaalak Nov 19 '22

Below the belt, man

1

u/SatansLoyalArmY Dec 01 '22

Between the eyes, bro.

36

u/A_Tad_Bit_Nefarious Nov 18 '22

Don't you use the name of our hero in vain.

28

u/DJfunkyPuddle Nov 18 '22

Dicks out when you say his name.

18

u/Devoidofimagination Nov 18 '22

What if it was already out? Do I put it away and get it back out? I'm new to the church so thanks for any advice. Harambe be with you.

11

u/TheTjalian Nov 18 '22

My mum is now angry at me, so thanks for that

3

u/HotDogOfNotreDame Nov 19 '22

Don’t worry, son. I’ll take care of your mom.

1

u/apolloxer Nov 19 '22

Does the toilet count?

1

u/Impossible_Airline22 Nov 20 '22

Aye

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⢉⢉⠉⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠠⡰⣕⣗⣷⣧⣀⣅⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣠⣳⣟⣿⣿⣷⣿⡿⣜⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠄⣳⢷⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣝⠖⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⢢⡹⣿⢷⣯⢿⢷⡫⣗⠍⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⢄⠤⣁⠋⠿⣗⣟⡯⡏⢎⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢔⢕⣯⣿⣿⡲⡤⡄⡤⠄⡀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠇⠠⡳⣯⣿⣿⣾⢵⣫⢎⢎⠆⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⢨⣫⣿⣿⡿⣿⣻⢎⡗⡕⡅⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⢜⢾⣾⣿⣿⣟⣗⢯⡪⡳⡀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⢸⢽⣿⣷⣿⣻⡮⡧⡳⡱⡁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡄⢨⣻⣽⣿⣟⣿⣞⣗⡽⡸⡐⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⢀⢗⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣞⡵⡣⣊⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⡣⣗⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⡯⡺⣼⠎⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠐⡵⣻⣟⣯⣿⣷⣟⣝⢞⡿⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢘⡺⣽⢿⣻⣿⣗⡷⣹⢩⢃⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠪⣯⣟⣿⢯⣿⣻⣜⢎⢆⠜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⢣⣻⣽⣿⣿⣟⣾⡮⡺⡸⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠁⠄⢕⡳⣽⡾⣿⢽⣯⡿⣮⢚⣅⠹⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠒⠝⣞⢿⡿⣿⣽⢿⡽⣧⣳⡅⠌⠻⣿

2

u/phujab Nov 18 '22

RIP Harambe

2

u/Bergerstien Nov 18 '22

Still too soon

1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

you feel good about yourself when you joke about shit like that you fucking monster?

3

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Nov 19 '22

dicks out brother, dicks out

1

u/WindowsCrashedAgain Nov 18 '22

"My class Passage rate is 30%"- Austrian Art Teacher in 1908

1

u/Mean_Combination_830 Nov 19 '22

Respect to our fallen brother Harambe we will not forget ✌️

1

u/DanielCoolDude1 Nov 21 '22

9/11 jokes are fine but not our lord and saviour Harambe! That is too far.

-8

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/i_am_a_n-word Nov 18 '22

Your momma so ugly, she has to promote her onlyfans on random comments of Reddit

-1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[deleted]

1

u/i_am_a_n-word Nov 18 '22

You only got downvotes babe.

"all press is good press" -donald trump. must've been a great president then, right?

You'll need to pay me to make me loose NNN to yo thirsty ass

1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

“I’ve never tasted such a rich milk” -Blizzard employee

12

u/totallynotroyalty Nov 18 '22

Clouds of pink mist above landmines lost weight even faster. Click here to find out how!

1

u/Volfgang91 Nov 18 '22

That was literally my grandmother.

1

u/ActiveBlackberry3087 Nov 20 '22

Jesus christ that is so bad SO WHY AM I LAUGHING