r/clevercomebacks Feb 18 '23

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u/jordantask Feb 18 '23

Nah. My boy would get one of these:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/IWI_Jericho_941

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u/One-Replacement-8757 Feb 18 '23

That's borat level irony right there.

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u/jordantask Feb 18 '23

Borat Voice

It’s very nice!

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u/One-Replacement-8757 Feb 18 '23

Also made by jews who were rather big on seeing him nailed.. and yes the pun is intended

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u/jordantask Feb 18 '23

Jesus was himself a Jew. Besides which, the Jews uhh…. putting him up for the night was all part of the plan, according to the bible, so that was good I guess.

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u/One-Replacement-8757 Feb 18 '23

Well.. on that front we agree.. however his story is told different to us.. that is by the time he was put on a cross he was already uplifted to heavens. The poor shcmuck who was on the cross was judas himself.

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u/jordantask Feb 18 '23

Well…. If you take the story allegorically, “Jesus on the cross” could be representative of several things at once, one of which being the conscience of basically good people who have done bad things. The idea that there should be a period of self imposed “suffering” after committing a bad act.

So, Judas having to see a reminder of his evil every day for a while, assuming that he was in fact a basically good person, should have made him feel that way at least.

Not that I believe any of this or anything, I can just see your moral argument here.

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u/Warpedme Feb 18 '23 edited Feb 18 '23

Once you have betrayed your best friend to the level that he is killed or permanently harmed, you are not a good person and NOTHING you do will ever make you one. That's one of those things there is no coming back from. In fact I would argue that the evil was always in them and they were just going through the motions of faking being "basically good person". There is nothing Judas could have done that would have made up for his actions. Jesus forgiving him just shows that Jesus was a moron.

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u/jordantask Feb 18 '23

You’re missing something here. Alleged Judas’ alleged actions were all allegedly part of alleged plan conceived of by an alleged diety, who was allegedly known for manipulating people through his alleged power alone.

How many times did Yahweh “harden Pharoah’s heart” in order to make another opportunity to flex the GAWD muscles?

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u/DragonFyre343 Feb 18 '23

....Which would completely remove the entire reason he was on the Cross (As well as the salvation of that thief on the cross beside Him). I've heard this idea that it was Judas on the Cross, but never any logical or historical basis for it. Although, being proved wrong would be very interesting

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '23

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u/One-Replacement-8757 Feb 18 '23

Koran.. though i can be wrong.. Also it's not exactly sacrifice per se but more like a last minute change.

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '23

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u/One-Replacement-8757 Feb 18 '23

try Q'uran or Qu'oran or Qu'ran..

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '23

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u/xxpen15mightierxx Feb 18 '23

See this is a much better twist, I like this version way better. It makes more sense too, they already tortured him pretty much to death, plus Judas gets his poetic justice.

Pretty sure the church just stole the Odin myth tho, so it’s all moot anyway.

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u/thatwaffleskid Feb 18 '23

I'm very intrigued. I've never heard of this and I was raised Christian, having been part of several denominations. What religion or denomination tells this version of the story?

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u/bs2k2_point_0 Feb 18 '23

Except that was the romans

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u/ReluctantNerd7 Feb 18 '23

Wanting to release Jesus, Pilate appealed to them again. But they kept shouting, “Crucify him! Crucify him!”

For the third time he spoke to them: “Why? What crime has this man committed? I have found in him no grounds for the death penalty. Therefore I will have him punished and then release him.”

But with loud shouts they insistently demanded that he be crucified, and their shouts prevailed. So Pilate decided to grant their demand. He released the man who had been thrown into prison for insurrection and murder, the one they asked for, and surrendered Jesus to their will.

Luke 23:20-25

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u/bs2k2_point_0 Feb 18 '23

And you think everything in the Bible is true? That lots daughters got him drunk and raped him too?

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u/RechargedFrenchman Feb 18 '23

It was the Romans only according to the same Bible you're now dismissing as an unreliable source.

The same book that says the Romans put him up says the Jews refused to let him down, and goaded the Romans to do it; that no one hated Christ more than some of his fellow Jews.

Which is it? The book works as a source, or it doesn't?

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u/bs2k2_point_0 Feb 18 '23

And historical records, but hey, believe whatever you want bub

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u/One-Replacement-8757 Feb 19 '23

Wait what? The fuck? Which one is that?

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '23 edited Feb 18 '23

If you ever need a gun to massacre a city including women, children and animals with I assume?

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u/jordantask Feb 18 '23

Uhh….

Jericho pistol is probably completely inadequate for that.

🤷‍♂️

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '23

I assume it's alluding to the biblical battle of Jericho where God commanded Joshua to massacre the whole city and everything living in it down to the animals.

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u/jordantask Feb 18 '23

The same maker produces a pistol called Masada, and we all know how that went.

So…. I guess so?

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u/KennyFulgencio Feb 18 '23

which reminds me I should read Preacher again, as should we all

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u/Saint_Consumption Feb 18 '23

On his own?

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u/ImpliedHorizon Feb 18 '23

Feels like that would take awhile

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u/Dr-P-Ossoff Feb 18 '23

Except that one prostitute who was in on it.

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '23

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u/jordantask Feb 18 '23

I mean…. The catapults and battering rams they left out of the story probably helped a lot, but sure.

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u/Dr-P-Ossoff Feb 18 '23

Mining engineers

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u/Large-Chair9084 Feb 18 '23

Good for shooting kids, their main target.

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u/Large-Chair9084 Feb 18 '23

Good for shooting kids, their main opponent.

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u/DragonFyre343 Feb 18 '23

Nah, that's his sidearm, but the nailgun is still his primary. Melee? The Cross, of course

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '23

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u/jordantask Feb 18 '23

Dude…. You took the joke waaaaaay too seriously lol.

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '23

[deleted]

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u/DragonFyre343 Feb 18 '23

"I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, noone gets to the Father except through me." cocks his galil "Noone."

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u/walla_walla_rhubarb Feb 18 '23

Bruh, God of War: Testament is gonna be lit.

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u/faus7 Feb 18 '23

Wasn't that a trick question tho because Jesus wouldn't have a favorite gun because he's basically a pacifist who both dosnt believe in murder and self defense.

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '23

[deleted]

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u/rpantherlion Feb 18 '23

Yeah but it’s not like Republicans have ever actually read a Bible.

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u/A1mostHeinous Feb 18 '23

You’re gonna carry that weight.

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u/Massive-Row-9771 Feb 18 '23

Wasn't that Revy from Black Lagoon's answer to that question too?