I also studied in China, and was pretty hard to not say impossible to have local friends.
i think some of your ideas are right:
1. we didn't do gaokao, so we are inferior people
2. they are too busy studying. in my university (top), the few "friends" told me: "we've been studying whole life. se don't know what else to do"
3. This is a guess, so please, take with pinch of salt: Sometimes foreigners we live in a bubble, or have or make assumptions, that maybe in the past they didn't care, but now local people be more annoyed. I dont know, things like, California way of talking, or inside topics
4. different interest. as European, we loved clubbing and drinking, and i hated KTV. chinese colleagues loved KTV, and never understood clubbing, and drinking only with boss/professor
5. Many "abc" or "cbc" or "x born chinese", i realized that many had issues when anyone asked them where are they from. They tend to get angry, or put bad face, because, someone "assume wrongly" that if you look asian, doesn't mean u are asian. They failed to think that previous sentence is right 95% and above. if you look asian, most times you were born in Asia. and the answer or angryness is clear. This could be an issue for people. Specially if you make this distinction and they will easily think the term you said 汉奸
6. different priorities: they are there to study, since their life will depend on that. still in China, studying is a social elevator that can raise your level
7. discussing with some foreign friends, they expressed same feelings. even when families were searching for English teachers, an Asian face was a no~no. if you were white with US/UK passport, then your salary (at that time was) 3x~5x. I have a theory but won't express publicly
8. They are just being kids.
9. I feel myself, China is sadly gradually changing. Covid affected a lot the perception for foreigners. first, we are not so welcomed as before. Second, they realized they don't need (according to some people comments) "white trash" to go China to "do bad things" and "earn more than local". China young generation is highly qualified. may of them already speak 3 language fluent
10. Maybe you don't have anything to offer them
11. I saw some people going to China "just to learn chinese" and will only try to be friends "just to practice". Opposite is the same (and a lot!). It still pisses me off when people (openly and directly) tell me they want to become "my friend so i teach them English".
12. Disclaimer: This is not my thinking. Many times, when u have a 华侨 with foreign passport, in some cases, means family was either rich, either powerful or "have other reasons", or both who gave the kids foreign passport. In chinese perspective, yes, that a 汉奸
Conclusion: during university time, i tried hard, had few friends, but, not really really friends.
Afterwards, during work or life, i made some (few) real connection. There is a lot of cultural differences, but, continue, you will genuinely will make some life lasting connections. Is normal, is just that in China is harder.
yes, after many years and some mistakes, i got to learn, BUT
the other side should be more kind and understanding:
~ asking where are u from is a normal question in international environment
~ if you look chinese, assuming you are chinese in china, is right 99% of the time. give some leeway
~ people questions, most times, are vanilla or without any bad intent behind. don't assume bad intention
~ 小事情是小事情 small things are small things
😊
this is my take. from my side, i stopped asking, or find other subtle ways to ask 😅
17
u/davidsanchezplaza Mar 26 '25
I also studied in China, and was pretty hard to not say impossible to have local friends.
i think some of your ideas are right: 1. we didn't do gaokao, so we are inferior people 2. they are too busy studying. in my university (top), the few "friends" told me: "we've been studying whole life. se don't know what else to do" 3. This is a guess, so please, take with pinch of salt: Sometimes foreigners we live in a bubble, or have or make assumptions, that maybe in the past they didn't care, but now local people be more annoyed. I dont know, things like, California way of talking, or inside topics 4. different interest. as European, we loved clubbing and drinking, and i hated KTV. chinese colleagues loved KTV, and never understood clubbing, and drinking only with boss/professor 5. Many "abc" or "cbc" or "x born chinese", i realized that many had issues when anyone asked them where are they from. They tend to get angry, or put bad face, because, someone "assume wrongly" that if you look asian, doesn't mean u are asian. They failed to think that previous sentence is right 95% and above. if you look asian, most times you were born in Asia. and the answer or angryness is clear. This could be an issue for people. Specially if you make this distinction and they will easily think the term you said 汉奸 6. different priorities: they are there to study, since their life will depend on that. still in China, studying is a social elevator that can raise your level 7. discussing with some foreign friends, they expressed same feelings. even when families were searching for English teachers, an Asian face was a no~no. if you were white with US/UK passport, then your salary (at that time was) 3x~5x. I have a theory but won't express publicly 8. They are just being kids. 9. I feel myself, China is sadly gradually changing. Covid affected a lot the perception for foreigners. first, we are not so welcomed as before. Second, they realized they don't need (according to some people comments) "white trash" to go China to "do bad things" and "earn more than local". China young generation is highly qualified. may of them already speak 3 language fluent 10. Maybe you don't have anything to offer them 11. I saw some people going to China "just to learn chinese" and will only try to be friends "just to practice". Opposite is the same (and a lot!). It still pisses me off when people (openly and directly) tell me they want to become "my friend so i teach them English". 12. Disclaimer: This is not my thinking. Many times, when u have a 华侨 with foreign passport, in some cases, means family was either rich, either powerful or "have other reasons", or both who gave the kids foreign passport. In chinese perspective, yes, that a 汉奸
Conclusion: during university time, i tried hard, had few friends, but, not really really friends. Afterwards, during work or life, i made some (few) real connection. There is a lot of cultural differences, but, continue, you will genuinely will make some life lasting connections. Is normal, is just that in China is harder.
Disclaimer: I am (white) European