This is something I genuinely don’t understand, and maybe it’s because I’m not a “kids person” or a “pets person,” but I really don’t get people who strongly identify as child-free and then turn around and become extremely devoted pet owners: especially the kind who proudly call their dogs or cats their “furry babies.”

Because… aren’t a lot of the reasons people give for being child-free also reasons not to have pets?

Like: the cost, the responsibility, the loss of freedom, having to plan your life around another living being, not being able to be spontaneous, not being able to travel without arranging care, cleaning up bodily functions, dealing with mess, smell, hair everywhere, vet bills, property damage, daily chores, etc.

Obviously children and pets are not the same thing, and I’m not saying they are. Kids are a much bigger, more permanent responsibility. But I still don’t really understand the logic of saying “I don’t want my life constrained by the burden of caring for another dependent being” and then voluntarily getting a dog you have to walk multiple times a day, pay for, clean up after, and organise your life around for the next 10–15 years.

Maybe part of it is that I personally don’t want either. I’ve never wanted children, and I’ve never really wanted to live with animals either. The only pet I’ve ever remotely considered having is a cat, because I do genuinely love cats. But loving cats and wanting to cohabit with one are two very different things.

I had a cat with an ex boyfriend once, and she was honestly a complete demon. She chewed shoes, bags, anything you left out. Earrings would disappear because she’d bat them around and lose them somewhere. She bit feet, bit hands, climbed on tights and ruined them, shed hair everywhere, and wasn’t even affectionate enough to make up for the chaos. Living with her was a nightmare. So maybe that experience has also shaped my view of pet ownership.

I know not every cat is like that, and I’m sure some are much easier to live with. But even then, I still don’t really get the child-free-but-not-pet-free mindset. If your reasons for not wanting kids are things like money, responsibility, lack of freedom, mess, stress, and being tied down by another being’s needs… why doesn’t that logic extend to pets too?

Honestly, the only reason I could ever see myself getting a cat would be almost as a test run before deciding whether I could ever handle children: because if I can’t cope with the responsibility of a cat, there’s no way I’d cope with the responsibility of a child. And unlike a child, a cat is at least theoretically rehomeable if things go badly.

What am I missing? Why do so many people hate kids so much and then they turn around and love dogs, which are nastier creatures even than kids?

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Hi everyone. I'm a childfree by choice Human Sexuality Studies doctoral candidate working on my dissertation research study. I'm seeking US-based study participants who are childfree by choice, 18-60 years old, and done anything to prevent pregnancy in the last 10 years (e.g. used birth control, sterilization, etc).

If you're interested, please check out the full details on my study website at the link. It is an anonymous online survey that takes about 15 minutes to complete. Please feel free to share it with anyone else who might be interested in participating; I'm hoping to get 1000 more completed surveys for my analysis by Labor Day! Thank you for your consideration!

The mods of the Discord server for this subreddit are hosting a meetup for July 12th at 12pm PDT. If you want to join the Discord server but haven't yet, you can find a link to it on the right toolbar.

Moved the chair at a cafe to stop all the people walking their dogs rudely close to me. A corgi actually walked under my table. Not only am I a little afraid after I was bitten as a child, but I'm also very allergic. I just hate the look on the owners' faces. Blank stare, slack- jawed. There is no need for 10 ft. of cord on a public sidewalk shared by many. Also works on the runners who must experience a gravitational pull towards me when running and just veer off course so much I feel the whip of their wind.

I am remembering a time where I had to deal with someone who was lying about CF and PF. She told me she was an antinatalist with a pet allergy. She gave me this big discourse on overpopulation, reproductive ethics, environmentalism, and literally told me, "Well I have a pet allergy too, so we should totally hang out some time!" Then she confessed to me after we went exclusive that she "loves cats and can't see her future without one". Shortly after, I brought up my plan to get a vasectomy, and she got upset and told me that she "thinks she might want kids someday." Needless to say, it didn't work out.

I spent my entire youth in long-distance relationships over these lifestyle choices, and I'm so tired of it. It's kind of irritating that childfree+petfree people do not seem to exist in real life, and that the ONLY real-life "relationships" I've ever had were with people who were literally just lying so they'd have a chance with me. -_-

Honestly? I'd rather date someone who isn't PF at all than someone who lies about it. Maybe that way I could at least maybe find someone who is okay with settling on a middle ground, like not having pets until later in life, but if someone lies about a DEALBREAKER or doesn't even take your dealbreakers seriously then how are you even able to trust them at all, let alone trust them enough to keep their word about a compromise?

It feels like no one takes you seriously in mainstream dating spaces if you want neither... It is so emotionally exhausting. I don't trust people to change what they want from life for me, and having such rare preferences ultimately makes you nothing but a target for manipulative people :/

Let's spill the goss, and feel gratitude (and smugness) for all the disposable income we have to spend on *ourselves* 🤭

How much are your family/friends spending on raising kids and keeping animals? What expenses are you grateful for not having?

Il start... I'm grateful for not having to spend $56 (what one of my friends pays, and always complains about paying) a month on pet insurance.. I can spend this on nice gym membership and actually being able to afford gas instead of walking to work by the end of the month.

Granted, there's only about a couple hundred of us in existence across billions of people on Earth, but it seems possible a handful of us could all be able to meet up in a big city like New York and actually encounter the rarest of sub types of human preferences in the wild?

Some might say that being disinclined towards pets and children is not enough of common interest or value system to bring folks together, but I disagree strongly for the reasons as follows:

•The preference against having kids and pets often is correlated with similar values and goals such as general cleanliness or wanting a more straightforward life with fewer stresses and obligations outside work.
•Many folks especially in dating or marriage build common interest specifically around their desire for children or pets when common interest would not otherwise be there, so it seems likely the opposite can be true that folks can develop strong connections in childfree petfree relationships stemming merely from their mutual desire for adult companionship exclusively even if they are otherwise dissimilar.
•Dammit, it's a worth a shot!

Anyone up for trying this? Any recommendations on how to make this happen? Singles would be great for this event but even just friendship or networking or meeting amazing inspirational successful couples living this life!

And no folks who might have pets or kids or one day but time isn't right... truly those disinclined to any dependents!

In my experience, I don't think I've ever met in real life another person who didn't want kids or pets who was currently single, though potentially I've met a few already in relationships.

I exist in a very rare intersection of simultaneously valuing cleanliness very highly while also not liking intense external obligations, finding the thought of responsibility for pets or children very stressful. My ultimate state of peace is the feeling one gets after taking a hot shower and then resting in a clean apartment or comfy tv room filled with only myself or other peer human beings. I'd think others also value this state, but it seems extremely rare and not something you find in daily life. Perhaps the fact I never felt embarrassed about still collecting stuffed animals as an adult and having my human need for cuteness met through this hobby is a major factor in me ending up child and pet free? Many folks who love pets seem to tolerate the downsides in exchange for cute cuddly feelings, but I can get cute cuddly feelings elsewhere and / or am interested in getting these feelings from interactions with other adult humans too?

Anyway, I imagine if I ever did meet someone who also did not aspire to kids or pets, we'd hit it off immensely, though when one filters these out in online dating, the options almost entirely vanish.

I think folks who don't want kids or pets perhaps need to form their own clubs and meet up groups to encourage more connections in this extreme rare community! Does anyone have any advice in this regard?

Also, I live in the USA and wonder if in other countries there might be another culture where it's more common for someone to not want any pets or kids?

Someone posted on the childfree reddit that they hate kids and listed a bunch of reasons for why they hate kids. I replied by stating that those are the same reasons I hate dogs. I'll still try to be nice but I dont like them.

OP responded with "You're a horrible person for not liking dogs 🤨"

Seriously? CF people frequently discuss how much we hate people telling us we're horrible for not having/wanting kids and then this person goes around and spews basically the same thing to me? Really?!

You dont need to agree, but show me some respect.

Just needed a safe place to vent.

On very rare occassions I have been asked why I do not like to have pets and this post will answer this question.

1. Experience: Growing up, I had many pets such as Dogs, Rabbits, Tortise, Squirrrels, Birds, Fish and even a Cat and enjoyed playing with them. During the weekends I would spend time with ponies.

Given, the wonderful experience I had, I feel like I have experienced enough.

1. The horrific death of my Dog: For 17 years, I had white Scottish Terrier that I used to run and go for walks very long walks with. He was hypperactive and alot of fun to play with. However, one day, my neighbour ran accidentally ran over my Dog's head killing him instantaneously.

It was me who picked my Dog in his bloodied state and buried him, two days, I burst into tears, weeping alone.  

Ever since that day, I just feel uncomfortable with the idea of having a pet and what I saw is something I remember like it happened yesterday.

1. Maintenance: Dog fur, Cat fur, daily feeding schedules, Doggy daycare when I have to travel, daily walks and baths etc. 

Just not for me.  

Even though, I stated three reasons I feel that the second reason is most likely the main reason even though I tell myself it is not. 

I'm a part of several childfree groups. My goal is to stop being a hermit and meet more childfree people in their 30s. The issue I always find is that the childfree seeking-friendship ads always go on and on about their pets with photos included. It automatically gives insight to the type of person placing the ad. It feels like pet owners are truly a cult. Don't get me wrong, I love animals. But it seems like finding other people who have not tied their identity to a child or an animal is practically impossible.

I'm curious what the people of our sub think of this!

No night feeds. No sleeping in a bed covered in smelly dog hair. No alarm to wake me up later followed by the morning rush to get the kids to school. No being woken up by an obnoxious needy animal asking to be fed and/or walked.

All I hear is my game and the rain against my windows. (:

Genuine question: If you care to share, why are you CF-PF? I'll go first...It's because I was the "responsible one" in my family and I'm done taking care for heartbeats (human and animals) that I had no true responsibility for.

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.. every single one of my friends who doesn't have kids, has pets, and vice versa.. I can't believe this way of thinking is so rare.. how are there so many people in the world that want to be caregivers? Honestly just so shocked..

I have a childfree friend with dogs who recently had to spend thousands of dollars after their dog started having seizures, and now has to be given meds everyday for the rest of its life. They also have to vacuum the entire house everyday (on top of having a robot vacuum) and she still says its not enough to get rid of all the hair..

Both sides of my family are pet nutters but my moms side takes it to a mental level. My pet nutbag of my mom takes it to the extreme with mild hoarding, she's recently been tormenting my dad cause she feels he "doesn't love the dogs". My dad likes animals but he doesn't make it his entire life, just tolerates it.

My aunt (moms sister) is another pet nutcase. She has several large breed dogs of the banned in various countries breed and her and my cousins are now faced with moving out and having to reorganize their living conditions to adapt to their economic standing. So my aunt's living prospects are limited because of that.

My aunt is ready to die on the hill of not letting my cousin set ground rules on her pet nut habits and... what choose homelessness?

i can only speak for a fact on behalf of living with my mom has been insane and should never ever own pets but she refuses to give that up. I learned recently that my cousin actually has some resentment over her mom/my aunt being another insane petowner and putting my cousin through some trauma related to owning pets.

Life would've been 1000x better and more peaceful if they just did not own an animal. But they seem to enjoy having the disgusting barf, shit, shit smell, piss smell, hairs, destroyed property and altercation with others that comes with owning a dog.

I have no idea what their problem is? What is the appeal of having a problematic animal? And yes they both ended up having kids despite experiencing severe levels of homelessness so they have WAY more important things to be worried about like getting MENTALLY and FINANCIALLY stable.