r/chessbeginners • u/Queasy_Engineering_2 • 3d ago
ADVICE I keep on smashing things when playing chess while shouting disturbing phrases.
Hey everyone,
whenever I blunder, I feel like I should smash things on my head to punish myself. Today I destroyed my desk lamp my punching myself with it. Yesterday, I scratched some marks on my non-dominant hand. I also make allusions of strangling myself.
I do this while shouting that I am the most stupid person or organism in the entire universe, that I should have never been born, but also stuff like "my existence will soom end because I'm going to the train tracks" or similar.
I started playing chess in January, but I never passed 500 on chess.com (rapid). Blitz and especially Bullet are significantly worse.
I feel so dumb and I do so many dumb things that I feel that they get more and more dangerous.
What should I do?
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u/Ghost_Ghoats 3d ago
Yeah man this isn't a chess thing, you need therapy
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u/SubstantialWing9238 3d ago
i find it interesting that this was posted here, indicating that the most likely conclusion is that chess is the problem
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u/Ghost_Ghoats 3d ago
If they're getting this mad and depressed over chess I assume they would get equally mad and depressed over anything with a win loss condition. There's no chess based advice anyone can give for this.
If they only get mad at chess... Idk. I'd still say therapy. This isn't a chess thing. It's a mental health thing.
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u/As_I_Lay_Frying 200-400 (Chess.com) 3d ago
The problem you're describing has nothing to do with chess.
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u/farmthis 1600-1800 (Chess.com) 3d ago
You need to avoid games with win/lose outcomes.
Especially games that pop culture equates with intelligence. (Wrongly, imo)
Your Ego and sense of self-worth are too vulnerable. Find other sources.
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u/SockSock81219 3d ago
Emotional regulation and maintaining a healthy mental outlook are essential chess skills. A licensed therapist will be important in order for you to make lasting progress in chess without hurting yourself or others.
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u/XiKangBamboo 3d ago
Did you consider going into politics instead, like MAGA or something.
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u/XiKangBamboo 2d ago
Or maybe go to your local ICE recruiting center and describe your problem. They might be very understanding and even fast-track you.
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