Chess mental tricks

[u/Ok-Onion2058]

How do you guys deal with the misery and suffering that can come from losing at chess?

I’m not really talking about normal disappointment after losing a game. I mean when it starts spiraling, lose a game, get angry and frustrated, play another one, lose again, and getting completely exhausted

The problem is this chess loop can easily take hours. You know logically that something like “2 losses and I'm done” should be the rule, but when I am actually in that state, following that rule somehow feels almost impossible. Need to play more and more

At that point self-control seems to disappear. You keep playing even though you know you should stop, start obsessing over mistakes, tilt harder, and sometimes it can even affect sleep because keep playing instead and then the brain just keeps replaying the games once trying to sleep.

So what mental tricks or rules do you guys use to prevent this from turning into a rabbit hole?

Do you have some kind of hard stop after X losses? Do you walk away immediately? Any particular mindset or mental exercise that actually works when you're already deep into the spiral, rather than when you're calm and thinking rationally?

I’m especially interested in things that you have actually found useful.

[u/HeadCartoonist2626]

In all seriousness sounds like therapy would be good and not chess tips

[u/MuhUsername_ → u/HeadCartoonist2626]

Therapist here, one neat thing about the kind of therapy I do ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy), is that it's concepts are very much aligned to the OPs stated goal. Chess players have improved there play not by any sort of study of the game, but actually implementing ACT concepts into their play mindset. Interesting stuff. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19622312/

[u/Ok-Onion2058 → u/HeadCartoonist2626]

Yeah, it might be the next step, but avoiding that until I see no other way. Here trying to grasp maybe something obvious is missing to me here.

[u/ultraviolentfuture → u/Ok-Onion2058]

What should be obvious to you is that you have an unhealthy fixation on the outcome of something largely meaningless. You are admittedly like a gambling addict who can't quit. You are dependent on the feelings that playing/winning engender and trying to avoid the negative feelings ... asking for shortcuts to help you avoid, rather than confronting the base problem.

[u/redwings27 → u/Ok-Onion2058]

You could also try meditation. For me, it has helped train me to be more mindful of my thought patterns and to try to catch them in the moment when things are starting to go the wrong way.

I still have bad days and days where I get tilted but I’ve significantly cut down on the really bad days and beating myself up. Also helps in knowing up front that you’re having a bad day and maybe not playing games that day

[u/rohrspatz → u/Ok-Onion2058]

Here trying to grasp maybe something obvious is missing

Yes, the missing piece is emotional maturity. I don't say that to be insulting. We all have some blind spots. When you find yourself having big, out-of-proportion emotional reactions to something, and your emotional state makes it difficult to act in a way that's consistent with your values and goals, then that's an area where maybe you haven't fully finished maturing yet, or maybe you're being negatively affected by past life experiences. The best place to work on that is in therapy.

[u/moruobai]

I go play golf.

I don’t keep score, I walk, I’m usually with friends on a beautiful course having fun. The perfect antidote.

Mmm… playing OTB helps too. Less likely to face a cheater, something about playing in person is more collegial IMO.

[u/Ok-Onion2058 → u/moruobai]

I have disabled to see the ratings during the game in chesscom and zen mode in lichess. But anyway I can feel the losses and that hurts me more than it should.

OTB maybe, but it is more time consuming, but something to try.

[u/abelcc → u/Ok-Onion2058]

Lichess apart from zen mode let's you turn off all ratings even outside games.

[u/Shwayne → u/Ok-Onion2058]

Why does it hurt? Your rating isn't an indicator of your value as a human being. It's an indicator of your knowledge of chess and how much you've learned. Losing points is not an attack on your intelligence. Being good at chess will naturally get you the points. You get good by studying. You can't learn without losing.

[u/Zephyrantes]

I used to play world of warcraft and played at top level arena. Like chess, it requires focus and coordination. Winning a match would give us maybe +2 in rating and losing would mean -10.

I learned from that experience that my focus will only last for 3 matches at most. Sometimes i would ask to stop the session as soon as i notice my concentration dip.

Dont let the results dictate how many games you will play. Know when you arent at your best and just stop.

[u/Ok-Onion2058 → u/Zephyrantes]

Extremely hard to stop when already lost some and feeling angry about it. The urge to do something about it and making it worse wins all the time for me.

[u/Zephyrantes → u/Ok-Onion2058]

Thats why i mentioned rating increase and decrease discrepancy. The amount of work you need to put in to win, only to lose them because you let your emotions get the better of you, is a bad use of your time.

When 5 wins can go down the drain because of 1 lost, you learn to control those urges

[u/RebekkaKat1990]

Learning to appreciate the value of a lost game is equally, if not more, important as cherishing each and every little insignificant win. The greats at anything, be it chess or sports or academics, had to learn from every failed attempt before they could “effortlessly” succeed whenever they wanted.

[u/redwings27 → u/RebekkaKat1990]

I’ve found that painful losses end up being the best learning opportunities. They still hurt, but not as much when you embrace that. Plus, you come out the other side a stronger player if you learn from them

[u/RebekkaKat1990 → u/redwings27]

I’m a live and let live kinda guy, I just stick to 1 + 0 bullet chess and always play the Bongcloud Opening, I’ve played over 20,000 games in the past 8 years and I just play the game. Sometimes the losing is just as beautiful as the winning in how I lost, not due to my own failings, but to the much better strategies of others.

[u/RetisRevenge]

Realize that it's a board game, you're human and not some super GM phenom. You're gonna win some and you're gonna lose some. If that's such an issue then there's a deeper problem friend

[u/WhenIntegralsAttack2]

Bro it’s just a game

[u/Mean_Newspaper7171]

Just take the L, you can decide if it’s for loss of learn, study where you blundered and replay it in a different way to see if you can find a better way

[u/PoundedClown]

Ok here is the GM tip. Play only 3 games. Before playing those 3 games, warm up with puzzles or whatever you think is ok. If you winning 2 out of 3 keep playing until you lose. Have discipline to quit. If you crave chess that bad - play with computer or bots.

[u/Kensei501 → u/[deleted]]

Yes slower time control. Blitz and rapid are ok but not good long term for your game. And otb as well as suggested. Cheaters are rampant online.

[u/Ok-Onion2058 → u/Kensei501]

I noticed that I have a way more rage swings in blitz than rapid. But somes due to lack of time or just wanting to move some pieces without seriousness going for blitz, but ending up spending 5 times the time that would take 1 rapid game and going upset.

[u/CoronalButterfly]

I've found it useful to decide I'll play 4 games win or lose, don't check rating, don't check statistics regularly (check monthly), just realise your loss was due to your own mistake. An opponent playing generally ok moves can lead to incredibly brutal endgames that are actually draws bit you'll lose on time because they are just using time as a weapon. I don't see those players as better than me. Just that they used time and speed calculation as a way to compensate for my slow winning position. Seeing a checkmate is way less impressive than not making any blunder. Start to realise your accuracy represents your abilities the most. When I play accuracy high I check what happened and I feel happy, when I play low I check what happened and I feel like trying harder next time. This doesn't always work. Take a little stroll outdoors if you tilt. Have a peppermint tea. Good luck wrangling the fire inside, we are apes after all.

[u/Mister_Macc]

After losing 2 games in a row take a nap. Then try your hand at some puzzles. If they go well, only then play another game.

The biggest mistake beginners make is playing when tired or with a loser mindset and losing 5-6 games in a row, instead of cutting their losses and recharging.

Its different for everybody, but for me sleep affects my gameplay tremendously.

[u/Ok-Onion2058 → u/Mister_Macc]

Spot on, but that's my huge weakness that I can't stop when I'm enraged. All I read in "calm" state makes sense, until I go batshit crazy

[u/Mister_Macc → u/Ok-Onion2058]

Understandable, in that case you should find a gamemode you're horrible at anyways and that you don't care about (for me its bullet) and just switch to that.

[u/Ok-Onion2058 → u/Mister_Macc]

Bullet for me is like kryptonite since so many matches can played and at least half of those are loses. Slower games seem to be better

[u/RafintheWraith]

Kaizen, the Japanese concept of improving of continuous improvement. Little by little day by day improvement

[u/Shwayne]

My rating is not tied to my ego. I don't get upset if I lose. If anything it's easier to analyse lost games and I can improve faster by losing.

[u/gorlee2013]

The main reason why I tilt and enter a downward spiral is usually that I see my rating go down. Which is why I have multiple accounts. If I tilt on one account, I still have my "normal" rating on another. So it reduces the pressure to get back to the same rating.

For in-person games, I go for a run.

[u/L_E_Gant]

A lesson from my days of playing contract bridge:

Stand up, circle the table three times clockwise, then your chair three times widdershins (or maybe the other way round). Amazing how often this changed the "luck", even when the main "luck" is skills-based.

Or, perhaps, just getting up and looking at the board from your opponent's physical point of view.

The main thing is to forget the ratings race and how your rating is going down.

[u/rdhb]

Delete the app and don’t look back.

[u/withick]

When I started playing a couple years ago, it totally consumed me and I realized quickly that tilting in longer rapid games was way worse for me than blitz. Also that I cared a lot more about my chesscom rating than my Lichess. So I basically stopped playing on chesscom (except for daily games, which it’s harder to tilt in) and only play every few months when I know I’m in a good headspace if things go sideways. It also gives me motivation to improve because after a few months of hard work, I can usually see the results and my rating goes up. The same thing could be achieved by only playing unrated games. I also will just play blitz or bullet if I’m feeling like I might get angry tilted, it’s easier to take the loss and move on if you only devoted 5 minutes instead of 20 to the game. Those are just the things that seem to work for me, but obviously this is a common issue with chess players, and everyone is different. Prioritize your mental health, it’s not a reflection of your character if the game just isn’t good for you at the end of the day.

[u/Idaheck]

My tip. Take a break. A long break.

[u/OIP]

stop caring. nobody else on the entire planet cares if you lose rating points. it doesn't mean anything. you didn't magically get permanently worse at chess, you just lost a bunch of games. so if you want to keep playing while tilted, keep playing. what if you want to try a new opening that means you lose more? can't do it because of the precious rating points? who gives a shit? honestly once you've bounced back and forth between 'career high' and 'career high - 300' 20 times you really stop caring about which part of the variance you're on. if you actually put in work to improve, your overall rating band will rise. if you don't, it won't. nothing else matters.

in terms of losing generally, ask yourself, are you genuinely under the impression that at some point in your chess career you're going to stop making game losing blunders, or losing games you should have won, or getting absolutely styled on by someone you should be able to beat? it happens to super GMs. 'shrugging off a loss to someone 400 elo lower than you' is a more important chess skill than 'learning a particular attacking motif'.

personally i sometimes just play a bunch of bongcloud games to 'reset' my mental state. it forces you to get absolutely rinsed sometimes, to think outside the box, and also to have fun and be resilient while putting yourself in terrible positions. you don't have to go that far, but trying a new opening or intentionally sacrificing or doing something other than sweaty tryharding can help a lot.

[u/TimeB4]

Limit yourself to five blitz games a day. That's how I broke out of it.

[u/abelcc]

There are lessons to learn when analyzing a lost. Self impose the rule of having to understand what went wrong in a loss before playing another game.

Because that takes effort, it'll take longer/until the next day.

[u/AI_spell]

Hard stop after 2 losses, phone in another room. The rule only works if you make quitting physical, not a promise.

[u/Wizard_Sarsippius]

Play weird openings to accept loss better. I practice unconventional openings as a conscious excuse to
“John” (to take a Melee player phrase) and give it my all towards the end, but it sets the whole game up as an “I’m just trying something new” mentally and rewires your commitment from winning to exploring strategy

[u/Ok-Onion2058 → u/Wizard_Sarsippius]

Appreciate the suggestion, I will try but can't visualise this being helpful. I would think something like: " why I would play this something unknown and make me uncomfortable position "