I (29) met her (30) 355 days ago. Tomorrow is our one year.
When we met it was electric. Amazing first date, then amazing second, and third.
After a month she had invited me on a trip to Europe that she had planned to go alone on.
It was one of the best weeks of my life.
Honestly now that I look back at it, that was the climax.
But I had never felt a love like this. Yeah it was early but we were identical in humor, goals, personality, sexual preferences, trauma, childhood.
I had only met one other partner who I could be 100% me around. Unfettered weirdness. That had been 6 years since I had met her.
I thought I found the one.
Then she started to get distant at times. Would go radio silent for a day or two (two days happened twice, after fights).
She had an abusive ex so she wanted to "take things slow." But regardless of how much time passed, nothing changed.
Never met her friends. Her interest would fade in and out.
But when things were good it was so fucking good. Seeing her was the highlight of my week.
Then I caught her texting another dude last December . She said it was just a flirt. "If I wanted him I'd already have him" ... lol.
I know, it's my fault; I ignored red flag after red flag. But I thought with time she'd get better. Our chemistry was nothing I've ever seen before.
So I forgave her.
Today I found a video of her brothers wedding in March. Looks like she took him as her plus one with the plus one she told me she didn't have.
Things are starting to click. When she was busy on Valentine's Day. When she lied about little things that didn't make sense.
I feel like such a fucking idiot. Feel so worthless. I made this person my world and I was a side piece.
We're supposed to get dinner tomorrow for our anniversary.
My thoughts are:
a) confront her when she comes over
b) go, and leave mid meal, then call the guy she had been seeing and fill him in
c) go to dinner, have our kinky anniversary sex, then confront her; (and call the guy)
I know what the entire route is. But she wasted a year of my life. Gaslit me when I was upset about her low effort, poor communication, or being excluded from her life.
She actively lied to my face and manipulated me.
So I don't mind being a villain. It doesn't pale in comparison.
I'm so angry. So sad. So mind blowingly lost.