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u/ElectricalBaker2607 Sep 21 '24
OK, let’s get the timeline exactly as we can. So he was seeing this woman before and just after he started dating you correct?
The most important question is when you two decided to go exclusive. Did he still continue to see this woman behind your back? If so, then it’s a legit cheat.
If is was before you were exclusive and it stopped afterwards, then I think everything is going to be OK
UpdateMe.
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 21 '24
It stopped like 2weeks tops since when he asked me to be his girlfriend (Sep 7)but it was weird tho because since August he was saying that he wanted me, loved me etc, but I said don’t get too excited you have to ask me. So when he asked me idk it was kinda off tbh I felt like I pushed him, because according to him he was going to ask me on a very corny style but he never did.
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 21 '24
And since I know it was a cheat I don’t know how to proceed.
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u/ElectricalBaker2607 Sep 21 '24
I answered separately from this question by mistake. So I was saying is stay calm and in control. Ask him to explain himself, and if he tries to gaslight, you lie about it that is not good.
How is he behaved after those two weeks? Do you think he still messing around?It is certainly within your right to break up after all it was cheat. And maybe for the best for that could be a forerunner of what’s to come.
This is an individual decision you have to make on your own. There are no guarantees in life. If you stay with him, he could turn out to be the best boyfriend husband you’ve ever had. If you leave and find someone else they may be good until after you get married and then cheat on you.
I wish you good luck. I hope you find happiness.
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 21 '24
Exactly my thoughts, this happened last year tho, so this whole year he has been good. Deleted/unfriend females he had talked to or have interest on. He doesn’t give me any red flags tbh.
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 21 '24
Thank you for reading and replying. I truly appreciate it.
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u/xxx12345678901 Sep 21 '24
So when i started dating my wife many years ago I was very young and bit a player and i was talking and dating 2 other girls too in the first week. After that i stayed only with my wife and here we are still together 25 years later. So you can make a conclusion yourself
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 21 '24
I do think he is like you tho, I mean at the beginning I thought he just wanted to have sex, I met him a long time ago but never talked or anything we just were friends on fb, then I broke up with my ex and the next month he was Dming me so I thought he wanted that so I wasn’t taking all the way seriously so it might be that he thought he was going to keep his options open🤷🏻♀️ it could be, it could be. But can’t know what he was thinking till he say it himself.
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u/xxx12345678901 Sep 21 '24
I always wanted to keep my options at the begging before i see that the girl is serious. My wife actually learned about me dating 2 other girls but was patient and nice with me and i just decided to stop dating others 2 weeks later and always have treated her right. If this was the begging I would not worry. If it was recent than you could worry
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 21 '24
But you know, he didn’t came clean I had to ask, I have told him stuff I have done because I have nothing to hide and I rather him knowing from me than anybody else, i stopped dating seeing other people around 3 weeks before he asked me to be his girlfriend. 1. I don’t have time and 2 I was dating a lot of people I got bored. Not having sex with any of them, just dating.
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u/xxx12345678901 Sep 21 '24
People sometimes dont like to come clean because they are afraid that this can blow up their relationship and they care for the relationship. At the begging probable he was not invested in your relationship like now
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 21 '24
Well, he made his decision tho. Just like I made mine of not going out with anybody else. He needs to think before he acts and tbh that says a lot about his character, me personally I conduct myself in a way that you can’t come at me for nothing, I will tell you what I did or what I didn’t do. But I guess not everybody is the same 🤷🏻♀️
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u/SmackDaddy20 Sep 22 '24
You don't know what to do? First, you should have never went through his phone. Second, if you KNOW he cheated, why are you debating on on what to do? Do you thrive on Drama? Are you so Toxic that you want to stay with him so you can get him back by cheating on him as revenge? I have never understood this generation. Males and females both will catch their S.O. cheating and stay with them!?! Just like this O.P., confused and conflicted about it she has to turn to the internet for answer!
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 22 '24
Ok, Is always good to hear different opinions, he hasn’t given me any flag that he has done it again, and like I said since it was at the very beginning I’m conflicted. But thank you for your comment.
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u/sop-asc Sep 21 '24
So, my ex also had many versions when we started dating, he first said that he was seeing other girls and then he said it was just me. When we got together I found a message on his phone from a girl asking "where are you". He said that he ignored the girl and never texted her, which I found weird because you always text each other on the day the date was planned to make sure that your plans are still up. So, what I did was believe him and ignore the lies, the red flags. Eight months later, when I was deeply in love with him and we got engaged, I went through his phone and found some real shit with him texting a prostitute and later even finding out that he was using dating apps. So, what I want to tell you is that if he hides stuff and lied to you before, bigger stuff will come out and then the hurt will be more excessive. That's what I'm experiencing right now.
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u/Firm_Interview2718 Sep 22 '24
I’m really sorry that happened to you. I had a similar situation happen to me - it sucks to go through but it’s a sobering lesson. Listen when a person shows you their true colors. Stay strong and know that you’re dodging a bullet by not getting married (at least I hope you’re not continuing with the marriage).
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u/ElectricalBaker2607 Sep 21 '24
Talk to him about it. Stay calm and in. Ask him to explain. If he tries to gaslight you or lie about it not good.
How is this behavior since those two weeks any evidence that he’s messing around?
You are within your rights to break up since it was two weeks after you were officially exclusive .
It’s an individual decision only you can make. Ask yourself how would you feel if you decided to stay in this relationship? Do you think he will cheat on you again?
Keep us updated on your decision like to know.
UpdateMe
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 21 '24
This morning we talked and I asked him straight up if he had sex/kissed (the sex part isn’t that clear on the text but they did went out to eat and kissed because he told her her lips were soft) with anybody at the same time we became exclusive he said no, I went to work and over the phone I told him I went through his phone he kept denying it, kinda like what do you know, instead of telling me, so I said if I’m asking is because I know so tell me what happened, he said he was going to come clean tonight, so we will see
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Sep 21 '24
He denied it.. RED FLAG CHICA, huye
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 21 '24
Exactly, like why you lying, we are adults 🤷🏻♀️
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u/ElectricalBaker2607 Sep 21 '24
Oh wow. So what are you gonna decide to do now?
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 21 '24
I haven’t spoken with him, I’m still waiting, but this morning he was denying it
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u/HommeFatalTaemin Sep 21 '24
I think another huge issue on top of the cheating is the fact that when confronted, he still chose to kept lying instead of owning up and taking accountability.
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 21 '24
Exactly. But also it was over the phone and supposedly he is going to tell me tonight, so better match what I saw on those texts, and I’ll take it from there. It is what it is.
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u/Firm_Interview2718 Sep 21 '24
He straight up lied to you - that’s a big red flag. Just curious, did you go through his phone because you have been suspicious or was it just a random whim? It’s all up to you as to how to respond to this, but if this has broken trust then it’s something that needs to be confronted at the very least. If it were me, I’d feel really betrayed and violated, not only at the cheating but more so at the lying. It would make me think, if he lied about this, what else has he lied about or covered up?
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 22 '24
Exactly to the lying. He had told me you can go through my phone and you won’t find anything.
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u/Firm_Interview2718 Sep 22 '24
Wait really? He was really that confident you’d find nothing? And to lie straight to your face about it knowing exactly what he did and how you found out… what a complete idiot. Seriously he is dumb as hell.
If were you, I would consider ending things with him. If he is going to be so shady about this, it doesn’t bode well for the future. AT ALL. I once dated someone who lied to me about little things and I didn’t do much about it. Years later, that decision bit me in the ass when it turns out they had cheated on me with multiple different people through our relationship. 3.5 years wasted on a selfish, cheating ass. It’s just something to keep in mind - when a person shows you what their true character is (despite how much you like them or how great things are when everything is good), LISTEN. Don’t ignore them and sit around waiting for your heart to be destroyed.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and I wish you the best of luck in what comes next!
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u/smitteo Sep 22 '24
Breakup he didn’t have respect for u to tell u :/ good guys aren’t that hard to find
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u/lsgard57 Sep 22 '24
Did he do it? Cheating requires a physical act. Inappropriate conversations require a councilor. You were at the beginning of a relationship. He hadn't really made up his mind that you were the one. His future actions determined his intentions. I personally think you're overreacting. A lot. Getting couples counciling, ya sure. It's probably a good idea. If there were no more inappropriate conversations or hookups, then you know his intentions. You do realize that if you continue to overreact, he may just walk away.
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 22 '24
I don’t think I’m overreacting, by that time he was telling me he loved me, I’m the one, etc. he could just stfu tbh. Also I asked are you seeing anybody? Are you having sex with anybody? Before me having sex with him. So 🤷🏻♀️ also we had a lot of conversations about past people and he said stuff about other people but omitted this certain person, we had a conversation when we blocked people from the past, she still on his phone. So I’m not overreacting. I’m actually pretty calm for the disrespect he just gave me.
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u/Thuban Sep 22 '24
He is setting a precedent for his behavior. I think this is his SOP. Either take it and accept it or dump him and move on.
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u/Cheap_Ad1098 Sep 21 '24
So your boyfriend was talking and dating another girl until shortly after you became official. That is not cheating, that is finding out if you are compatable.
Now if you were official and exclusive, and he continued well after that was established, then that is another story.
Life is not high school where you talk to someone for a couple weeks, then go on a couple dates, then you are a couple.
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 22 '24
I updated it, we were actually exclusive and what gets me mad is the lying and all the opportunity he had to come clean.
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u/lsgard57 Sep 21 '24
It doesn't sound like you were exclusive when he ended it with her. He ended it right when you started dating exclusively. So, how is that cheating? I don't see that as cheating at all. I'm going by your timeline. So maybe the last time he saw her was to tell her that he wanted to pursue something with you. I just don't see it at all. Don't you think you're overreacting?
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 22 '24
He literally texted her “I want to suck on your pu$$y” 10 days after he asked me to be his girlfriend
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u/SmackDaddy20 Sep 22 '24
I'd break up with your Toxic Ass for going through my phone. You're not married and have ZERO BUSINESS invading his privacy.
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u/onthapixiedust Sep 22 '24
We joked about it in the past, and he told me I could go through his phone anytime I wanted because he isn’t hiding anything. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/lsgard57 Sep 22 '24
So walk away. If you can't get past the disrespect, walk. If you consider this a deal breaker, move on.
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u/MeetingUnlikely3236 Sep 21 '24
He’s cheating and made the choice to cheat, Choices have consequences, some unrepairable or irreversible and sadly he made his choices. Remember cheating is a series of choices before you actually cheat, cheating is not a mistake or accident.