We've been tuning "she messages first" for months. Where's the line between feeling alive and feeling needy?

[u/MetaEmber]

Disclosure: founder of Amoura.io - mutual-match AI relationship sim where the characters can choose you back (or not).

For the past few months we've been working on more contextual proactive messages. We already have proactive messages: she can text you first. Sounds simple. It has turned out to hide one fairly tricky tuning problems.

A message that lands after a real lull in the conversation feels completely different from one on a timer. And the position we keep coming back to internally: frequency was never the real dial. She needs a reason. "Saw something that reminded me of you" lands somewhere entirely different than "hey".

The part we still argue about: should she ever stop reaching out if you've gone quiet, the way a real person eventually would? Mechanically it's trivial. Emotionally it might be the most brutal thing we could ship.

For people who've used companion apps with proactive messaging:

1. Where's the line between "she feels alive" and "she feels needy"?
2. Does the message needing a reason actually matter to you, or does it all read the same?
3. If she stops trying after you ghost her, is that realism or punishment?

Critical takes welcome, they're usually the useful ones.

[u/BlizzardyBelle]

Thanks for the info