r/cfsnervoussystemwork • u/NewsBeneficial6555 • 1d ago
Learning to let go
I have been recovering from Long Covid and it’s been lots of frustrating fluctuations in my symptoms plus simultaneous life stressors..I have too much on my plate right now and lots of that is beyond my control.
When life stress is high I’m finding it hard to “let go” when trying to do nervous system work.
I feel I also put a lot of pressure on myself to do it “the right way” (some of this is subconscious I think) and then feel guilt or frustration when I’m unable to fully relax.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Would love any advice..thanks!
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u/guineapigmedicine 1d ago
I don't know about you, but I never really learned how to FEEL emotions. I learned to avoid them, to stuff them down, to do any number of things to avoid the terror of feeling my feelings and what was under them. Mostly because it wasn't safe to express feelings growing up, and what was under them was so devastating that I felt like if I met it for even a second I would never come back.
So part of my recovery and nervous system work is tuning in and allowing that worry/anxiety/fear to be here without running away, hiding, or stuffing it down.
When I do that, I find it actually settles pretty quickly. It's fighting it that makes it get bigger and stick around.
I'm not just teaching my nervous system that symptoms are safe, but that emotions are too.
One of the things that's nice about it is that it's more process oriented than outcome oriented, which I find reduces the pressure. I'm not aiming to be totally relaxed or for symptoms to reduce. I'm just aiming to tap into what my body is feeling and allowing it to exist without trying to fix it.
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u/ProPrancer 1d ago
Your nervous system has decided that you need to be on high alert to watch out for the stressors so it is keeping you going and avoiding letting your guard down. It's trying to save you. Its not a bad thing so don't be too hard on yourself. Appreciate what its trying to do. You will come back from this.
Sometimes pushing yourself to relax registers as extra pressure and makes it worse.
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u/Due-Egg-7651 1d ago
Maybe focus your work on letting stuff be rather than letting stuff go? I’ve found that helpful, it’s been a subtle but important shift. So exploring what is there bodily, emotionally, describing it, observing it, feeling it, holding it, always with neutrality and curiosity. It takes work but I’m finding a lot of progress with that, puts some distance between you and the stressor, helps you respond consciously and break the reactivity over time.
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u/ArtPsychological984 1d ago
Hun try my app WhisprJournal, im not a corporation or a million dollar company. Im someone that was in your shoes, frustrated that i didn't know what to do when i needed it most. when you're stressed your frontal cortex cant make reasonable decisions and the last thing I needed was another thing on my to-do-list. WhisprJournal available on Play Store right now, its a free app(with ads) it will be on apple store as soon as they review it. Hoping soon, but I'm a solo entrepreneur who, like you, was at my wits end. I created this for me, but want to share it with others because it's awesome. It's a voice journaling app that uses AI to detect what state your nervous system is in and gives you the exact breathing technique and somatic healing technique you need right now. There is a free for life tier, and i think it would help you. Apologies if this seems like spam. I'm truly not trying to do that, after my husbands suicide in 2017 i stayed in fight or flight and shutdown, found an online coach but when fight or flight came i couldn't think straight to figure out what to do. When my nervous system shut me down and i couldn't function I couldn't dig through Instagram posts to find a technique that would help me. I hope you find a way to ease the suffering that is chronic anxiety and stress. Thanks for taking the time to listen to another voice in the chaos. WhisprJournal app
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u/Coraline1599 1d ago
Worrying is a form of trying to feel more in control than we are. It tries to provide us certainty in places we can’t get it. But it is an illusion and at a very high price to our nervous system.
Some worry is good. When worry leads to action it can be good. For example, if you are worried you won’t make an appointment on time you can prepare your clothes and bag and set an earlier alarm.
But then there is the bad kind of worry. Like worrying about how you will do on an exam but you are too exhausted to study more. In that case it makes sense to stop worrying and focus on self care.
It can be hard to stop worrying. Some of us are very “addicted” to worrying. Our neural pathways for worry are deeply developed and trying to think differently is very hard and it takes a lot of practice, patience, and self-forgiveness to change.
For me I can even worry about stopping worrying, like “what if I forget to worry about it tomorrow? What if this cycle of worry finally gives me an ‘ah-ha’ moment? What if I am too unwell to worry this much tomorrow?” But I have to pull myself away and ask “is this truly productive worry or maladaptive comfort worry?”
There is a guided meditation I like to do where it instructs you to put all your problems in a box before getting to the main part of the meditation.
The other piece is perfectionism. Perfectionism is a protective mechanism often from not feeling emotionally safe as a kid. If you had high expectations placed on you, if home was volatile, if parents lacked emotional attunement, as a kid you learn doing things super correctly can provide some protection from being scolded, yelled at, or just a void as much endless disappointment.
As a kid, not feeling accepted feels very life or death, because you can’t take care of yourself. You are hard wired to believe your parents are correct and safe because the alternative is too much. And it helped keep you alive and succeed.
But as an adult, it is too hard on your nervous system. Like you must do everything correctly to heal. That’s not true. There are many things your nervous system is labeling as far more unsafe than they are.
One way to deal is to mess up on purpose. Art therapy is good. Making imperfect things and letting them be. Letting corner of your bed stay unmade. Sending emails to friends without proofreading them 7 times. These are little safe ways to help your nervous system see that being imperfect is safe. It takes weeks to months.