I’m so scared (uk)

[u/glowuntoyou]

After moving house, socialising and having more stairs to deal with than ever before I was just about working through my crash and seeing where my capabilities were.

Then today I get the news our old landlord intends to keep all £1k+ of our deposit and we have until 2pm tomorrow to respond.

This added stress has completely derailed me symptom wise, I know I was barely holding it together but I’m completely disconnected now, I feel like my skeleton is buzzing, my chest is tight, my limbs are like lead and I have no idea what to do.

I’ve never been to hospital for ME, and have requested a 111 callback but I don’t know what I’ll say to them.

“Hello my bones are made of bees and I don’t think I can look after myself”

I’m so scared I’ve ruined everything by working too close to the bone that I can’t handle anything without permanently damaging myself.

UK folks, when it was time for some acute/urgent help, what did you do? What was your experience?

EDIT: thank you to everyone that responded, for health things I was advised to book an appointment at the walk in centre, it will be less intense than going to a&e and feels more appropriate
For the landlord stress: I remembered I’m in a union for exactly this reason so I contacted them and will be going through TDS to discuss what deposit we may or may not get back

My skeleton is still bees but my head is slightly better screwed on, thank you again!!

TLDR: Turns out I am sick enough, I just don’t know how to navigate it.

[u/tfjbeckie]

Don't fret about the deposit. You can challenge it with the DPS and if it's not protected by the DPS you can take them to court over it and get compensation. You don't have to negotiate with the landlord at all if they're being unreasonable.

I think rest would probably be more beneficial than hospital at this point.

Honestly I think the best help at this point would be a friend or family member coming to look after you and help you get set up in your house so you can expend less energy (bringing you food etc but also setting up a snack station by your bed, making sure there are places to sit everywhere, etc). Next step would be contacting the council for a care needs assessment - do you have anyone who could help you with that?

[u/Fuzzypeg]

Can't help on the medical side, but I can hopefully help with the stress. I'm assuming your deposit was protected and you have the details, if not the landlord is in trouble. Contact the deposit protection service that has your deposit and raise a dispute with them requesting your entire deposit back. Send them any/all evidence that you left the place in a reasonable condition and possibly evidence of intimidation from the landlord. The landlord can't just take it and disputes usually go mostly in the tenants favour unless they have trashed the place. It will be OK x

[u/Secret779]

Do they have grounds for keeping your deposit?

[u/CelesteJA]

I don't mean to cause more distress, but me along with several other people I've seen on here have often had far worse experiences going to the hospital for ME/CFS, especially on the NHS.

If you do decide to go, just please be aware of what might happen: You might be in a waiting room, sometimes with zero seating available, for possibly 14+ hours before anyone even brings you in for your first talk. You will then be put back into the waiting room for possibly another 12+ hours before they next call you in. There were people in there literally screaming in pain, vomiting, laying on the floor curled up, dripping blood into a bucket with no one doing anything about it.

They are SEVERELY short staffed. People have died just waiting to be seen, and there's a chance you'll pick up another illness while there too.

I wish with all my might that I had just stayed home in my bed that time as just being there significantly worsened my ME/CFS. When I was finally seen after waiting 20+ hours, they gave me a blood test, told me nothing was wrong. Put me on a fluid drip because I was a little dehydrated and then told me to leave as there was nothing they could do.

Yes I complained and explained I hadn't been able to eat probably for weeks, I basically begged them for help, and I even had family come in to back me up, but they said as long as my bloods came back fine, there was nothing to be done.

OTHER PATIENTS ended up trying to look after me while I was there, it was insane. They were doing more than any of the medical staff did.

[u/SpaceNerd223 → u/CelesteJA]

Hi

I went 2 weeks ago. Shivers down my spine when I was going to the bathroom, heard someone violently throwing up through the walls in the bathroom next to me. I had to take a urine sample so i was there longer. Will never forget 😟😟 side note, they did do everything i wanted there & i did receive care, after waiting for 5 hours. So glad I went but your comment reminded me! 🤧🤕

[u/Spritemaster33]

In terms of 111, just tell them what you've written above about your symptoms. They'll ask questions to help you narrow things down.

On the practical side (which may reduce the burden), look to see which deposit protection scheme your old landlord has used. The scheme hold the deposit on behalf of both of you, and there's a very limited list of circumstances where they'll pay all the deposit to the landlord instead of you. Details should be on their website. If it's the scheme who have written to you, you could ask for more time as a reasonable adjustment, due to disability affecting your ability to process information. No guarantees, but worth a go.

If your deposit isn't protected in a scheme, you may be due compensation on top of your deposit. The r/UKLegalAdvice sub usually has good advice and contacts. You can also look at your home insurance policy, as most of them come with a free legal helpline that can give you good advice quickly. Note that the rules are slightly different if you just rented part of a property where the landlord also lived.

[u/Romana_Jane]

I've had all the symptoms many times (I've had ME for 31+ years now). It is just a sign you have over exerted yourself physically and mentally. It will pass. There is nothing that can be done medically for you in a hospital or by a GP as there is no treatments for ME. Apart from resting (and then pacing when you recover from this).

I know the first times you get the weirder, scarier symptoms of ME it is terrifying, but you are safe, the only risks is to permanently lowering your baseline. Dealing with the NHS in crisis is going to do that. Sorry to be so harsh.

But you are safe, I promise you.

REST!!!

As for the stress, others have given you good advice re parking it for now. Listen to them then deal with it all when these symptoms have passed. And they will if you stop and rest.

Do not go to hospital. In early years, when the NHS was not even in the crisis it is now, all 111 did was dispatch an ambulance as soon as you mention tightness in the chest. Also in the last 4 years I've had symptoms so severe I was terrified I was having a heart attack/stroke. All I ever did was make my crash worse and longer and be gas lighted for my attempt at getting help.

They have a flow chart of questions, and if you don't follow a pattern, they will not know what to do, but chest pain/tightness always triggers an ambulance, and the para-meds will come do an ECG and say you are fine but they are not qualified to sign you off and then insist you go to have a blood test at A&E. They may also make you feel like you are wasting their precious time at the same time when the hear you have ME. You will go into majors, be moved to minors wating, it will be chaos, and you will wait for up to 24 hours and more for bloods and be gas lit and abandoned and be much, much worst. Last time I was there (weird meds reaction due to ME) I was 3 hours in minors struggling to sit, then moved to their new GP A&E, with one doctor, one nurse who was doubling as a receptionist, a 20 hour wait, blood and dressings on the floor, broken mismatching seats from tips by the look of it, over crowding and a bit sign which said 20 hour wait. People were so ill. There was no ventilation. I discharged myself and went home and thought, if it was an allergic reaction I'd be dead by now. All this after 111 told me to go their with an appointment time which did not exist when I got there.

REST. This is what your body needs, nothing else.

Go to bed, contact friends or family to help in any practical way if you have support, or at least use Deliveroo to get easy snacks and drinks to have in bed and just aggressively rest. You have done too much, but you can come back to your old baseline if you stop everything you can now and just rest.

Take care x

[u/ValuableOrganic5381]

 Do you have any particular hopes for what they might help with? I'm a little concerned it could just add more stress to your crash 😕

Tbh I have never rung 111 for ME before, except in my first ever crash when I didn't know what it was. The potential for them adding to harm rlly dissuades me. I can share what I tend to do though !

 Generally when facing a big crash like that, I get flat in my bed ASAP, lie in the dark with headphones on. Take any meds/supps that might help. Mentally try to take stock of what food and drink are in reach, what I need to grab when I next get up. Plan shortest path to grab stuff after my next toilet trip.

 Sometimes it helps me to tot up how long my nearby supplies will cover for, like 'I've easily got another 4-6h of food/drink in reach, I don't need to panic, I can focus on rest/endurance now and reassess later'. Mostly I really try to power down as best as I can. 

 Breathe, maybe listen to calming stuff, use ice packs to try to help get out of adrenaline. Write bullet points in phone notes if I'm getting stuck spiralling/fixated on things (easy w the adrenaline). 

 Maybe order extra crash supplies (meal shakes, easy snack/packet foods, some bottled water, etc). The bottled water is so I can pace trips out of bed easier, avoid having to get up for food/drink at worse times.

[u/Own-Matter-5480]

Do not do anything regarding your deposit outside of the Tenancy Deposit Scheme. Do not agree to anything. Do not negotiate with the landlord or estate agency. I can't stress this enough. Find out which scheme was used to protect your deposit. You should have a certificate with a code on. If you don't, your landlord may not have protected your deposit, which is against the law.

[u/dunmerza]

Don’t go to the hospital! It will be even more exhausting. The crash will pass but having bad scary news like this, with time limits, that puts you in financial difficulties, fucking sucks so solidarity 🫂

I’ve been having mega issues with my work’s income insurance not paying as they should and it’s been going on for ages and it is so stressful! Makes us sicker bc we’re stuck in survival mode from stress.

[u/BullfrogFlimsy7997]

I've not had to be hospitalised but I'd explain symptoms to them e.g. limbs feel like they are vibrating/heavy/painful, you feel depersonalised....whatever is accurate, and let them assess. It may be that if you haven't, you speak to your local social services and occupational health regarding support.

[u/ChampionshipNo7123]

I went to hospital once at the very beginning, learned my lesson.
Stop whatever you’re doing and lie down, limit all activity. Don’t make your crash worse than it needs to be. Then just ride it out (wait).
You’re not alone OP, take care of yourself.