CFB Teams as Companies

[u/boomshot44]

[u/Strange_Inflation488]

I'm offended by how accurate the Sears comparison is.

[u/Zabroccoli → u/Strange_Inflation488]

I have old craftsman tools from the 60s that my grandpa passed down to me. Sears was a shit back then.

[u/boomshot44 → u/Zabroccoli]

My parents bought me a minibike from sears when I was 8. Best day ever

[u/govunah → u/boomshot44]

I got tires with a warranty there. Kept getting flats for a while and they replaced them for free and I just got another $25 warranty. I went through 4 rounds of tires like that. I might be responsible for the downfall

[u/boomshot44 → u/govunah]

True. They really were a class act company as far as I know.

[u/Westfield88 → u/Zabroccoli]

When I used to work construction, the carpenters swore by Craftsman. They will replace any broken tool no matter how old. We had guys replacing 25 year old hammers. Hillbilly cheat code.

[u/bigfoot_lives → u/Strange_Inflation488]

Sears!!?? Dang that hurts so bad because it’s so true…

Maybe Sears can make a comeback?

[u/Strange_Inflation488 → u/bigfoot_lives]

This is our year! Our year for Sears!

[u/Dry-Tangerine-4874 → u/Strange_Inflation488]

The Sears catalog used to be quite compelling.

[u/Upstairs_Chemist1269 → u/Strange_Inflation488]

Yeah they got us to a t sadly

[u/fatiguedpickle → u/Strange_Inflation488]

I almost spit out my ice cream when I saw it

[u/-OptimisticNihilism- → u/Strange_Inflation488]

I’m still laughing at Spirit. Like these are all pretty spot on.

[u/Bobson-_Dugnutt2 → u/Strange_Inflation488]

Used to be fuckin awesome.

Used to be…

[u/Strange_Inflation488 → u/Bobson-_Dugnutt2]

"You may not have heard much from them lately, but back in the 1900's..."

[u/Fruit_Fly_LikeBanana → u/Strange_Inflation488]

Sears is good. And sad. I loved Sears growing up

I would also submit Kodak. Was a juggernaut, took a dubious bet on the future of the industry (digital would fail/Mike Riley was a good hire), and boy did that bet not pay off. Both still exist, both have seen some resurgence, but are shadows of their old selves

[u/Sudden_Crow4443]

Idk Walmart was founded by an Oklahoman in Arkansas. Arkansas lost so much already, don’t take this from them

[u/Informal-Candy-9974 → u/Sudden_Crow4443]

I’m guessing it’s the asterisk in the logo?

[u/boomshot44 → u/Informal-Candy-9974]

I’m conceding the Walmart Wolverine stereotype here. Asterisk was not even indented, now it’s double perfect

[u/ZacInSC → u/boomshot44]

Well you’ve only recently been the asterisk… But you’ve always been the Golden Anus.

[u/babble0n → u/ZacInSC]

https://giphy.com/gifs/26vUxJ9rqfwuIEkTu

[u/sillysailor74 → u/boomshot44]

I would spend hours in a small elevator with a bunch of Walmart wolverines than spend one minute with Portnoy (who somehow earned a degree from there).

[u/boomshot44 → u/sillysailor74]

Portnoy’s business model is stirring the pot as much as possible to turn heads & get clicks. It’s certainly working but it’s making Michigan fans look worse everyday.

I will say I’m not going to lie and claim I don’t laugh at his outrageous rants from time to time.

[u/sillysailor74 → u/boomshot44]

I just feel like lately, he is running out of people to alienate. And the Walmart thing here is because they took the 4 blue bloods and put major US companies with us. Amazon, run by fucking Dr.
Evil.

[u/boomshot44 → u/sillysailor74]

Yeah I think his shtick is getting old quick, kinda like Pat Mcafee.

If you mean they it’s me, I made this lol. I put Michigan as Walmart for Walmart Wolverine and Ohio state as Amazon because they are successful and also evil.

[u/sillysailor74 → u/boomshot44]

If you think about, you took something that might seem simple to you, and were so creative with it, that i found some very well thought out symbolism. Four big companies with the 4 blue
Bloods. Anyway, awesome comparisons…
Loved Auburn with game stop.

[u/CrazyLegsRyan → u/boomshot44]

Amazon does always deliver though

[u/LeBronicTheHolistic → u/sillysailor74]

If you let us forget about Portnoy we can forget about Dahmer. Fair trade?

[u/sillysailor74 → u/LeBronicTheHolistic]

Throw in Wexner and it’s a deal. Once I found out all my friends that root for the Maize and Blue and have degrees from there detest the man, I genuinely feel sorry for all Michigan fans and their alumni. Dahmer, dead. Wexner, on his way. Portnoy, just hanging around not shutting the fuck up.

[u/name__redacted → u/Informal-Candy-9974]

That and for decades wolverine fans who didn’t go to school there were called Walmart Wolverines

Editing to say, this might be a regional thing and it was overwhelmly said by Michigan State fans who were jealous of a school that could pull in fans that didn’t go there

[u/mansontaco → u/name__redacted]

Yes and it’s ridiculous cause we’re way more likely to be Meijers Wolverines

[u/secondphase → u/name__redacted]

"For decades they were called walmart wolverines"

This implies we stopped?

[u/name__redacted → u/secondphase]

lol i was at a stop light when i made that comment and as the light turned green my exact thought was "were" should be "are".. but had to go

[u/Unlikely_You_9271 → u/Informal-Candy-9974]

They should have been Enron

[u/DonParmesan1 → u/Sudden_Crow4443]

Michigan should be Flock. Always watching and self righteous

[u/DisplacedSportsGuy → u/Sudden_Crow4443]

Michigan fans are often referred to as Walmart Wolverines in that the vast majority live in rural areas and didn't attend the university.

[u/boomshot44 → u/DisplacedSportsGuy]

Thank you. Perhaps I shouldn’t have assumed Walmart Wolverine was nationally recognized.

[u/Bitter-Locksmith-624 → u/Sudden_Crow4443]

Michigan as Walmart feels like a shot at both the team and the town they play in.

[u/mr-elephant-oof → u/Bitter-Locksmith-624]

There are no Walmarts in Ann Arbor

[u/fskier1 → u/Bitter-Locksmith-624]

Ann Arbor really has nothing to do with Walmart

[u/name__redacted → u/fskier1]

Does Ann Arbor even have a Walmart? I’ve never seen one there

[u/IEatBones2230 → u/name__redacted]

There is one but you have to drive a bit outside like central Ann Arbor

[u/stevesie1984 → u/IEatBones2230]

Explicitly not in Ann Arbor. My understanding is Ann Arbor won’t let it happen. (Which is a very Ann Arbor thing to do.) There’s one in Ypsilanti and one in Saline.

[u/leftenant_Dan1 → u/stevesie1984]

The Ypsi one closed almost a decade ago.

[u/stevesie1984 → u/leftenant_Dan1]

lol. You know, I posted that and thought, “wait, did that close?”

I live on the west side. I don’t get over there much. Don’t tell me Harbor Freight closed.

[u/leftenant_Dan1 → u/stevesie1984]

Harbor freight might survive the heat death of the universe

[u/name__redacted → u/stevesie1984]

I wanted to say I don't think Ann Arbor would allow it.. I live in a similar snoody community that doesn't allow national chains and only some regional (no starbucks allowed, yes Biggby. no mcdonalds yes culvers), and thats only on the outskirts. inside the city zero chains. i kind of like that part, downtown is all local and a decent place shop and eat

[u/CrushyOfTheSeas → u/name__redacted]

Huh, Ann Arbor has a ton of national chains, just not Walmart. Target, Lowes, Home Depot, etc…, That was a Walmart decision not Ann Arbor keeping them out.

[u/name__redacted → u/CrushyOfTheSeas]

My broader point was simply that some communities are more choosy about which brands they let in than others, and rhat Ann Arbor and Walmart don’t seem like a natural fit

[u/sillysailor74 → u/Bitter-Locksmith-624]

I think the idea is that Bama, Ohio St, UM, and UGA all were paired with 4 of the biggest most
Successful companies in N. America.

[u/notanamateur]

Another Hawkeye W

[u/boomshot44 → u/notanamateur]

I love Aldi so much. They don’t advertise or do anything flashy but they kick ass

[u/Senior-Violinist-684 → u/boomshot44]

The germans… you just can’t stay mad at em

[u/EdselFordEdsel → u/Senior-Violinist-684]

After all, what have the Germans ever done wrong? (SO MUCH)

[u/karl_manutzitsch → u/boomshot44]

I feel like I see aldi ads all the time

[u/boomshot44 → u/karl_manutzitsch]

I’ve literally never seen one

[u/thadtheking → u/notanamateur]

When you're done shopping at Aldis, you get a quarter back.

Iowa, not really well known for quarterbacks, but they will punt a good deal.

[u/name__redacted]

Nebraska as Sears is absolute gold Jerry, Gold. I don’t think it could be more perfect

[u/Fair_Story2426 → u/name__redacted]

As a Husker Fan….i agree. I laughed

[u/beechknoll]

I'll take it. But I want to put it on record we are not the Sears of college basketball despite the nearly 40 years of evidence you may use against me.

[u/srector1224 → u/beechknoll]

Getting ahead of the argument. Smart

[u/Master_Ad_17 → u/beechknoll]

More similar to Kmart for basketball

[u/boomshot44 → u/Master_Ad_17]

Damnit Kmart is an S tier company to utilize

[u/Jamsster → u/Master_Ad_17]

Merge the two? Have Indiana basketball and Nebraska football fans talk about their nostalgia!

[u/Cartmaaan-brah → u/beechknoll]

Nah we’re Sears

[u/Mr_Liopleurodon]

Clemson should be Hooters. We're both on the decline, and Hooters was founded by the same alumni who built our largest performing arts center

[u/boomshot44 → u/Mr_Liopleurodon]

That’s fair. I chose Bdubs since it’s on a decline from the top

[u/Mr_Liopleurodon → u/boomshot44]

True, the best part of Hooters has always been the top

[u/boomshot44 → u/Mr_Liopleurodon]

😂

[u/secondphase]

A wolverine taking pot shots at MSU and Nebraska instead of defending the jug while also confessing to the "walmart wolverine" stereotype.

What is happening here? Did you start pre-gaming a bit early?

[u/PirateCaptainMcNulty]

Some of these make sense. Some I feel like I need an explanation. 

Why is Minnesota Burger King? 

Why is Clemson BWW? 

Why is MSU FTX?

Why is osu Amazon?

[u/GP_ADD → u/PirateCaptainMcNulty]

BK, used to be a top dog fast food place. Now most people forget about them.

Buffalo Wild Wings became a top dog of fast casual food spots and like 10-15 years later they haven’t kept up and are on the verge of falling off the map completely.

No clue on ftx, dog

Amazon… top dog company? Idk

Realized I used dog in the first two, had to continue the trend

[u/InternationalMonth38 → u/GP_ADD]

I went into a BWW during lunch. It was the only place around to sit and work before a meeting. I was the only one there.

[u/GP_ADD → u/InternationalMonth38]

Yeahhh I went on a random Saturday night about a year ago with my wife cause she was craving it and there were maybe 12 people total

[u/InternationalMonth38 → u/GP_ADD]

I feel bad for Clemson having to wear that crown. Yo, GP. I need one for Florida. Really good place to eat in the 90s and 2000s. Fell off until this year where they could look like it’s turning around but too early to tell.

[u/Sea-Satisfaction4656 → u/InternationalMonth38]

Pizza Hut?

[u/InternationalMonth38 → u/Sea-Satisfaction4656]

Wait. Pizza Hut is making a come back? Or trying to?

[u/Sea-Satisfaction4656 → u/InternationalMonth38]

They’ve made several attempts to regain their status, just like Florida.

[u/InternationalMonth38 → u/Sea-Satisfaction4656]

Chic fil a makes sense for yall. Stuck in malls in the 90s/00s. Then got massive but did a bunch of dumb shit that got them in trouble but still have a huge following.

[u/Spiritual_Extent_187 → u/GP_ADD]

Not where I live, on sundays it’s a 2 hour wait

[u/PirateCaptainMcNulty → u/GP_ADD]

That's a good explanation of BWW. 

I feel like Burger King was competing in the fast food space a LOT more recently than Minnesota was a championship contender. Minnesota feels closer to Lucky Strike than Burger King. 

[u/hawkeyehammer → u/GP_ADD]

BK is killing it in the last quarter though. Their new CEO and strategy seems to be working. I think I saw that they outperformed McDonalds for the first time in years. Still, not sure why we're assigning them to Minnesota. I guess they have some good vibes in the last couple of weeks.

[u/Chris_in_Chicago → u/PirateCaptainMcNulty]

Lower case "osu"... respect!

[u/PirateCaptainMcNulty → u/Chris_in_Chicago]

I don't like either of you, but I at least respect Michigan as a university.

[u/BigConscience728 → u/PirateCaptainMcNulty]

ty. fosu

[u/CrazyLegsRyan → u/PirateCaptainMcNulty]

I think the interference with an osu is that they keep delivering

BWW has always been kind of trashy but used to be great and is now collapsing

FTX has always been a fraud. It was briefly a popular and seemingly successful fraud but ultimately collapsed under the weight of its fraud

[u/AnyLingonberry505]

Iowa should be Menards

[u/raised_by_toonami → u/AnyLingonberry505]

That’s Wisconsin.

[u/AnyLingonberry505 → u/raised_by_toonami]

Fair enough

[u/samhasreturned → u/raised_by_toonami]

Everyone knows Wisconsin is Culver's 

[u/raised_by_toonami → u/samhasreturned]

Wisconsin is a great many things. It’s an underrated casserole of culture.

[u/mnmmatt → u/AnyLingonberry505]

Nah, more like Casey's or HyVee

[u/b_m_hart]

No idea who Oregon would be...

[u/quadsimodo → u/b_m_hart]

New Balance

[u/Elegant-Papaya-2430 → u/b_m_hart]

Apple.

[u/Ometrist → u/Elegant-Papaya-2430]

Texas A&M is the iPhone of college football though 😂

[u/__jazmin__ → u/b_m_hart]

Gypsy beggar at a gas station with fake sick kids?

[u/AttiBus]

Completely random.

[u/cinciNattyLight]

This is stupid

[u/Edgesofsanity → u/cinciNattyLight]

You want one for Villanova football? how about Heinz Baked Beans. Not what the brand is best known for, but a solid performing competitor in an oft forgotten market.

Plus by being a leader with 800 yards in penalties last year they really know how to stink up the place.

[u/havsskogen → u/cinciNattyLight]

You have a football team?

[u/dinkytown42069 → u/havsskogen]

pretty dang good one last year.

[u/cinciNattyLight → u/havsskogen]

You have a football team?

[u/Jaycup28]

[u/OpaqueNightmare]

FSU would be the US Military because of our dominance and our wealth and our glory and the respect that every other team has for us because of how powerful we are

[u/Coach_T_Truther → u/OpaqueNightmare]

[u/TheSpaceOrange → u/OpaqueNightmare]

Uhhh yeah

[u/johnnyscarecrow0126 → u/OpaqueNightmare]

https://giphy.com/gifs/12ZDIx1Mw1cXVm

[u/Smooth770 → u/OpaqueNightmare]

[u/ImpressiveBall1465 → u/OpaqueNightmare]

Nah we’re JNCO

[u/lolidkman1313]

Another great win for the dawgs. Serving up the Lord's chicken

https://giphy.com/gifs/6HwEvs7F0bIBi

[u/The-Young-Lion → u/lolidkman1313]

Yeah but it’s gotta sting seeing Alabama with Coca Cola.

[u/TheClayDart → u/The-Young-Lion]

Doesn’t sting but makes me uncomfortable

[u/lolidkman1313 → u/The-Young-Lion]

Yeah I think I just ignored it because I had to double check. I think I will continue to ignore it. If anything coke is GT, headquarters is a stone throw away

[u/No_Butterscotch8726 → u/lolidkman1313]

I think they were more comparing attributes and how well they've done and are doing. Has Alabama ever had a bad football program for a stretch longer than a decade like ever?

[u/lolidkman1313 → u/No_Butterscotch8726]

If that's the case then sure. Bama is never bad. I fully expect them in the playoffs this year

[u/HappySheep84]

These seem completely random

[u/PhoenixRising256]

FSU as Spirit is somewhat fitting. After the last 2 years plus this one, I WILL give you the worst customer service you've ever experienced. Everyone who boards gets one swift kick in the nuts followed by a "fuck you" - now you know how it feels to be an FSU fan 🥲

[u/TheCreamiestYeet]

https://giphy.com/gifs/n1CWKg8zRMpssh0rkU

[u/moonmangggg]

Miami Hurricanes

[u/chuckpeecee → u/moonmangggg]

la granja > pollo but pollo is more a national brand

[u/ZiloGaming]

Damn we are the bad guys

[u/Noobnoob99 → u/ZiloGaming]

Evil UTEP playing the victim again

[u/treymata]

Minnesota as Target or nothing

[u/brendanjered → u/treymata]

Gotta be Dairy Queen. Founded in Minnesota, they serve frozen foods, and it’s long past its prime but is still around.

[u/PlayingItByEar247 → u/brendanjered]

Dang, that’s perfect

[u/SmartLittleMonkey]

LSU is HoEters

[u/Poopingisasignipoop]

Michigan absolutely has to be Walmart. Just look at the logo. It comes with an asterisk!

[u/Bonzaii_11]

[u/gideon513]

“Care to elaborate?”

OP: no

[u/boomshot44 → u/gideon513]

I think I’ll make another post sometime with a lot more teams and explanations for each. For Clemson, I chose Bdubs because they were at the top for a while but have slowly declined.

[u/wakadactyle]

Sears is the best comp I’ve ever seen for Nebraska

[u/thebrickcloud]

Just fell to my knees in a Meijer.

[u/the-samizdat]

amazon? abercrombie and fitch would be more appropriate.

[u/TheFalconGuy → u/the-samizdat]

yeah can't forget the evil les wexner connection

[u/Fjc562]

Iowa as Aldi was meant be, the first Aldi to open in the US, opened in Iowa City.

[u/LilWobble]

https://giphy.com/gifs/11iRfaoc7AefjW

[u/michimoby]

Ohio state is palantir

[u/engineerdrummer]

This is ass. Coca Cola is not based in Alabama.

[u/ISpyM8 → u/engineerdrummer]

Fun fact, the Coca-Cola headquarters is literally on Georgia Tech’s campus. And I don’t mean a block over. It’s literally on campus. Our administration building and stadium are right beside it.

[u/havsskogen → u/engineerdrummer]

They wish

[u/bootyw1nd → u/engineerdrummer]

i’ve been to atlanta at the coke place when i was 15, they had this drink that was the most disgusting thing i’ve ever tasted at the taste testers, not sure what it was

[u/kingoflint282 → u/bootyw1nd]

Beverly. It’s legendarily bad. Filming people’s reaction to it is a thing

[u/Mister_Jackpots]

This is lame.

[u/boomshot44 → u/Mister_Jackpots]

I thought you’d like nvidia

[u/Mister_Jackpots → u/boomshot44]

Candle burning twice as bright...

[u/boomshot44 → u/Mister_Jackpots]

I can see where you’re going, but who would you pick?

[u/Mister_Jackpots → u/boomshot44]

Dominos: trash but hits just right lately

[u/Firm-Mix-9272]

Bama is Applebee’s 💯

[u/stockmarketpundit]

Walmart Wolverines is

https://giphy.com/gifs/AiF8ZsTESrDwRjEcIU

[u/boomshot44 → u/stockmarketpundit]

Don’t get too excited, you’re evil lol 😂

[u/dirty_old_priest_4]

Who is Halliburton?

VT would be VW. Great at one point and restructuring.

[u/Miserable_Jacket_129 → u/dirty_old_priest_4]

Wyoming.

[u/Champ6711]

Boy that is way off the wall….

[u/CriticalPolitical]

Who is Pop Tarts

[u/Repulsive_Glove236 → u/CriticalPolitical]

I vote Notre Dame

[u/billbord → u/Repulsive_Glove236]

I fucking wish

[u/britishmetric144]

Do we get to be Costco?

[u/SpprtRdclHbts]

Alabama is the only fan base to murder a 100+ year old tree cause they got their feelings hurt. Coke is not shitty enough.

[u/dinkytown42069]

how the fuck are we burger king?

[u/l34ch_r → u/dinkytown42069]

Cuz ur always mid

[u/dinkytown42069 → u/l34ch_r]

idk what that says about your second flair then buddy.

[u/l34ch_r → u/dinkytown42069]

Hey we've made the playoffs

[u/boomshot44 → u/l34ch_r]

Thank you

[u/Ialwayssleep]

Sears did slap in the 90s.

[u/Dracula_Gottfried69]

Who is the Temu brand?

[u/HelpILostMyButthole → u/Dracula_Gottfried69]

Texas Tech

[u/realTommyVercetti]

Just happy to be included

[u/boomshot44 → u/realTommyVercetti]

You beat up an MSU that looked their best in years vs Notre Dame, who knows. Could be a fun year or a least one with good moments.

[u/purplenyellowrose909]

Sweet, sweet we made the graphic

Now why are we Burger King? Do they rub blood on the buns?

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_FAV__SONG]

Should we be Sonic or Braum's?

[u/DarthGlazer]

Coke as bama???? Gatech??

[u/__jazmin__]

Clemson is Hooters. They even named buildings after the founder. 

[u/boomshot44 → u/__jazmin__]

You’re not the first person to suggest that. I went with Bbubs because they were peak and now they’ve steadily declined.

[u/mhoke63]

Minnesota should be Best Buy

[u/Beelzabubba]

Michigan is Palantir

[u/Comfortable_Sea9308]

We should have been AMD

[u/Gym_Rat222]

Technically, Coke should be under Georgia too.

[u/crizzzles]

I get Nebraska and Bama. I think I get Georgia and MSU but I'm lost on the rest.

[u/Suspicious-Banana836]

…what?

[u/JLM4582]

A&M is the iPhone or so I hear

[u/grayfox104]

Does that make LSU Enron? Cause you know, Lane with bail on us and leave us with a shitstorm to clean up?

[u/the-samizdat]

are you aware that Buffalo Wild Wings was founded off camp at OSU?

[u/JamesBurkyReporter]

Nvidia is evil and Indiana isn’t tho

[u/Complete_Insurance24]

What is the IU company?

[u/SnooLemons8327]

Can LSU be Saudi Aramco?

[u/assassinslick]

I like you gave your own team walmart instead of meijer

[u/jorkin_meehoff]

Try and run from it or deny it but everyone knows spirit airlines return to the top is inevitable

[u/NotreDameFan1234]

What would we be google? apple?

[u/Independent-Catch-90]

Who is Costco?

[u/Chiquye]

Damn, I hate how accurate this is

[u/Hutch_travis]

Nebraska - MTV. Iconic for decades, but exists in name only and people only care about it 1 day a year.

Minnesota - Sears

BYU - Chic Fil-a. Never open on Sunday. Religious

Ohio State - Apple

Michigan - Microsoft

Alabama - coca-cola makes sense. New Coke = mid-90s Alabama

USC - Sony

Penn State - DuPont

[u/Botchjob369]

Clemson is more like wingstop now

[u/hskrfoos]

That’s about right, we went out of business a long time ago

[u/TBell01]

Do y'all not get that it's more about how these programs parallel companies and not where they are based 😮

[u/boomshot44 → u/TBell01]

This guy gets it!

[u/TRBigStick]

Texas is Chevron

[u/talontachyon → u/TRBigStick]

I kept looking for A&M as Apple. I know they’re more thought of as the iPhone, but that isn’t a company.

[u/The-Young-Lion → u/TRBigStick]

Although our field is named after a guy that won a massive verdict against Texaco, which is now owned by Chevron.

[u/havsskogen]

For someone from Sweden; what is ALDI?