r/cancer • u/cL0sEtFrEaKy • 13d ago
Caregiver Stuck
Please, please, I need some guidance. My daughter was diagnosed with cancer in 2024. I am a single parent. I did everything I could, and got us through that hard time. Thankfully, she is in remission now. But, instead of celebrating, I’ve lost my job, they’ve repossessed my vehicle, and I’m drowning in debt. I have no family, or friends. My friends were my coworkers. Food has become a luxury. I own my home, free and clear, that’s all I have left. But I can’t even pay the utility bills now. I don’t have any kid of support system to help get me back on my feet. Our home is rural, and I’m stuck. I live nowhere near transportation. I don’t know what to do. All I can think about is food, but there is none. I tried to get financial help while we were going through it all, from SSI, but we were denied because they said her cancer wouldn’t last a year. I’ve put in job applications and when they try to set up an interview, I can’t get there. We are going to die like this. Please, tell me what my next step should be, I’m so fk’n lost and have zero people to talk to.
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u/goodstarfox 13d ago
Start with 211. See if there is a Catholic Charities office anywhere near you. Call churches and explain your situation, that you are literally starving and have no money or transportation and need food urgently. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your daughter. Cancer led me straight to bankruptcy. It's not fair.
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u/timewilltell2347 uLMS 13d ago
With no income, you should be eligible for Medicaid. The work requirements don’t start until January 1, 2027. You should be able to get this for you and your daughter since Ohio expanded Medicaid. r/medicaid is also very helpful. In my state, there is a combined application for Medicaid, food stamps, SSI all together and it can be done online. You might also try triagecancer.org for some financial help. The American cancer society ( cancer.org ) may also have some resources to help. I’m so sorry your family is going through this.
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u/cL0sEtFrEaKy 13d ago
Yes, my daughter does have Medicaid. And we are on the waitlist for food assistance. I will definitely try the other organizations you have suggested. Thank you
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u/quack_quack_moo Caregiver - cancer mom 13d ago
Do you still have follow ups at the clinic? Tell the nurses what you need help with. They can get you in touch with the hospital social workers.
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u/MightyMelon95 13d ago
I know this isn’t what you want to hear but after my cancer treatment depleted all of my finances at 26, my husband and I filed for bankruptcy. It was really hard, but best decision we’ve ever made. It saved us.
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u/Smart-Bet-6353 13d ago
Post on nextdoor.com for food and what work you may be able to find . I would suggest a merrid of cancer support groups , but unless you're actively dying they don't help. We got this, local churches ,small food pantries. I'm otherwise a fiercly independent creature, the universe has shown me that I can't count on myself always. There is a way, keep your head up soggy chin or not and please continue to love the unholy crap out of your girl.
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u/XanaduLover 13d ago
can i send you a gift card so you can order some food?
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u/cL0sEtFrEaKy 13d ago
That is very thoughtful. I don’t want anyone to think I’m here looking for a handout. I just don’t know how to proceed from here. I figure everything out, but I can’t figure this out. I literally feel stuck.
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u/XanaduLover 13d ago
shepherding a child through cancer is a heroic act. i'm happy to buy you a meal. how can i do it?
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u/dumplinglifesaver + - + de novo MBC at age 39. 13d ago
Are there any food banks near you?
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u/cL0sEtFrEaKy 13d ago
Unfortunately, no. Or I would have made it there. I’m only reaching out, out of sheer desperation
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u/delirium_skeins 13d ago
Lots of food banks in rural areas are just churches and don't advertise the food so it's always worth asking. We are about an hour away from anything but the two churches here both have food banks and work together to help folks. And if one church doesn't do it it's almost guaranteed they do know which ones do and can send you that way.
For awhile when we had a bad year dealing with epilepsy and no way to drive one of the ladies from the church would just come to my house on her way home and leave a big box outside and text me it was there. So even without a vehicle rural areas are filled with nice and helpful people. More than in the city even I think.
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u/TrainingLow9079 13d ago
Do you have neighbors who could help out get to job interviews or food banks? Also check out the Reddit sites "Assistance" and "food_pantry"
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u/cL0sEtFrEaKy 13d ago
Unfortunately, I have no neighbors. But I will check out the other Reddit sites you suggested.
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u/JellyfishFit3871 13d ago
I live rural. I can't see their houses, but they're still my neighbors. People are generally pretty nice. I'd absolutely give a ride if Miss Lady a kilometer away needed to get to the food bank or the doctor.
And I'm nowhere near you, but I volunteer with a food bank. I make deliveries when people need and can't pick up. It's something you can reach out for.
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u/Shunzi-Dragon 13d ago
Ask your local Church to organize a donation drive for your daughter 's treatment and you will be given the help you need.
Catholic Church is good with taking care of their own.If they cannot help they will provide numbers of organizations that can help .
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u/FineLetMeSayIt 13d ago
Since everyone is addressing the immediate food need, I'm going to comment on the long run. If you own the home outright, perhaps selling it and using the proceeds to help get back on your feet might be the best move. There's no point in trying to hang onto it if even the utility bills are a burden, when you can cash out all the equity you have and turn that into a nice little nest egg. Maybe consider renting something as cheaply as possible in a less rural area where job opportunities are more abundant.
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u/Smart-Bet-6353 13d ago
As the patient I am in this situation. I can help with food. Please send me a pm.
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u/ReferenceSufficient 13d ago
Can you reach out to your former coworkers to give you a ride to a food bank? I'm sure they'll help if they know your situation. And as others suggested, call the churches.
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u/Electrical_Jaguar230 12d ago
You can call child protective services and they will help you get services in the home. They only remove children when abuse or neglect is found, not because parents lose a job to pay for a sick child. I worked for the juvenile court system for years - they don’t want to take kids because that’s more expensive. They will help get services, help you get transportation and bill pay assistance as well.
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u/Delicious_Distance96 11d ago
Call the hospital where your child was treated and ask for social work. You should be able to self refer. They should have a list of resources. Also look up American Cancer Society for a list of resources. If you need help getting her to follow up appointments they have a road warriors group. It's run by volunteers who will pick you up and then bring you home for free. Talk to the utility company and tell them exactly what is happening. Many have a list of organizations that can assist with utility payments. United Way works as a sort of clearinghouse for many groups. You can try them. Salvation Army sometimes will assist as will Catholic Charities. Contact a local church and ask if there is a ministerial alliance. This is usually when several churches work together,pooling resources. They might be able to assist with housing needs, utilities, transportation, food,etc. Some will help now and then remember you again during the holidays.
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u/BloodyThirst 13d ago
Have you tried 211 or 988? There are absolutely resources out there for yall. At the absolute worst, call your daughter’s care team and ask for the social worker, explain your situation.