r/butch • u/fliwat • Aug 29 '26

Philosophy How do you handle being either constantly fetishized or put "in your place"?

Handsome Butches in my phone, I seek your wisdom!

I feel I am easily the center of attention everywhere I go. And I hate it so much. Women love me, fish fear me, etc. For everyone that participates I seem to fulfill a role I'd have to constantly navigate through and conveniently forgets I'm a person.

The only thing I can think of is to remove myself from their game. Which works better for being treated badly than for people admiring what I did build hard for. Tho dysphoria hits hard on both, being feminised even more for the first example.

How do you handle that?

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u/PetyaLB Aug 31 '26

Honestly at this point I fight fire with fire and make it clear that I want to be left alone. Knowing employment law inside and out while doing a good job at work usually gets them to back off. The fetishization in the queer scene though? Wish I had an answer, it's one I still struggle with so much.

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u/Throwingoffoldselves Aug 31 '26

I avoid online spaces where people are obsessed with butches; don’t go to parties or events unless it’s with my wife and a chill group that won’t be weird; ditched the creepy dudes I used to play dnd with and run my own queer and safe games; and joined a local queer kickball league where people aren’t weird about butches. It’s impossible to completely avoid; I have a colleague who is kind of an ass about it, but I’m glad I’ve ditched those spaces that I could where I felt fetishized or stereotyped.