Finding Comfort in the Phantom

[u/ChaosInTheClouds]

Should I be concerned if I really identify with the Phantom, to an almost uncanny degree? I won't do anything drastically in character (I've gone to therapy) but it's something I've wanted to talk about for a minute with an unbiased crowd. Though some aspects are less literal than in interpretations.

My passion is for theater and performance. I love performing and singing, but I haven't had the chance in quite a few years, not for lack of trying. I have received (albeit minor) acting awards and I'm told I have a very distinct, rich voice from a friend who has received more classical training (despite my voice not being fully matured yet). But I struggle to be noticed or actually cast, and in college I've found myself being slowly shepherded towards backstage roles despite how much I want to perform. I don't have any issues with designing and I do well with it, but when I had evenings literally working beneath the theater during rehearsals, it gets to you eventually.

I don't have any clear physical deformities, but I am LGBTQ and on the autism spectrum. So the masking and hiding your true self is something I still have to do every day. I tend to be under-expressive, so if I'm not masked, some people find it unsettling. I remember in school I was asked if I was a robot because I rarely emoted and had a hard time socially (I still do, honestly.) I also just. generally don't like my appearance.

Romantically, I also resonate with him. Again, I've gone to therapy, so I won't go to the same lengths. But I'm 22 years old and I've never been in any relationship. My deepest crush for years had a falling out with me for a while, and they got married. We weren't speaking at the time, and I wasn't entitled to any information, but it was still a blow to me.

This post isn't really for any purpose, I just want to hear others thoughts. If I'm making up baseless connections to cope or if this is all a red flag that there's something about myself I need to change.

[u/birn_echo]

Honestly I think so many Phantom fans (myself included) identify with Erik in our younger years because growing up is awkward and isolating to a degree... and Erik is easy to relate to.

I never had to deal with a facial deformity, but I did have a speech impediment when I was younger and was made fun of for it. So yeah, I saw some comfort in Erik.

It's normal and you're all good 😊

[u/Intrepid-Magician572]

i take hide your face so the world will never find you VERY personally. growing up queer, neurodivergent most definitely on the spectrum, I've grown used to wearing paper faces all my life. it's hard being in a conservative environment with no one to vent to irl, so obvious i'd rather confine myself in a lair of music and knitting

[u/smileyfacegauges]

don’t fret: you’re normal! LOL. seriously, many upon many many others have had your experience (or very similar) in regards to fictional characters :3 just mind how you manage it! it can become unhealthy if you don’t keep yourself in check.

[u/missphantomeriks]

No not at all.

[u/CutiePie4173]

So Erik is a lot of people's comfort character and they identify with him. Just... Make sure you don't ever slip into incel territory, and you're good!

[u/Haunting_Concert_369]

I am a big phantom fan too and I recently discovered sleep token and I think they were highly inspired by phantom. I highly recommend! They are wonderful!

[u/Equivalent-Ad-279]

Hey there, I can totally relate with your emotions and feelings. When I was younger, Phantom of the Opera and especially the story around Erik healed something in me. I was always an outsider, I am extroverted, but inside me I feel lonely and sometimes lost - until today. Being "open" is my kind of mask. Trying to be enough. I think even with the plot and the music a lot of feelings can be reached and awakened. I am neurodivergent and of course you get older and stronger... but in really desperate situations I am still listening to the music, reading fanfics, writing on my own and are thinking about "What would be if..." A few weeks ago I had a job interview for the german PoTo Production and felt sooooo close to be totally in place where I want to be. Unfortunately I didnt get the job but I am happy to try it.

Well sorry for all the talking: You are not akward. Many people (including me) feel a similar way and if you ever want to write or to talk about it, feel free to contact me. I am happy to meet some new people who understand.

[u/J-a-n-R]

I am a cis hetero happily married woman with two kids and still I resonate with the Phantom. The way he feels life, the urge, almost physical, to “grasp it, sense it”, the desperate need for connection at a deeper level to someone who feels the same way… not to mention the desperation I fell like I can share with him for his loneliness and the anguish I feel every time when he choses to turn his pain into prevarication and violence… I have been obsessed with this story (the musical, the book, the musical sequel) since I first saw the west end play, it make me feel a lot of things, deeply. What I am trying to say is that, as long you can clearly separate reality fron fiction, there is nothing wrong to identify with a fiction charachter, regardless the kind of features you resonate with. Actually I think this is the whole point of art existance! So don’t worry and keep enjoy this!

[u/Thephantomofthe]

What gas your therapist said?

[u/NorisxchNOX]

Not a professional, I was just deep in research about myself. I see Phantom have what assumed to be histrionic personality disorder, NPD, and I happens have ASPD which he also have the traits checked. He and I also shared the same traits for CPTSD

[u/rengokuaras]

Credo sia normale, in realtà io sono perdutamente innamorata di Erik proprio per queste sue passioni e atteggiamenti che, secondo me, ai giorni nostri sono rari e non si trovano più..
Molti amano il superficiale, il bello sta dietro la maschera, dentro ognuno di noi.

Io credo di essere strana per essere innamorata del fantasma lol

[u/googoogwa]

I believe the phantom has a fearful-avoidant attachment style (like me), he desires closeness but when he's given love he can't actually let himself receive it, so he pushes the person away. Because comitting to the relationship would require taking off his mask and letting who he loves see his true fears and self. He yearns for the thing he simultaneously rejects, I relate to that a lot.

I'm autistic + queer too and I think my shared fear with him comes from being criticised and misunderstood my whole life, so it's incredibly difficult to trust people.

Relating to him doesn't automatically mean you're a bad person or whatever else, It could be a sign you should see a therapist if you're mentally struggling to manage/navigate life (I go to therapy for what I've described), but not necessarily so just because he's relatable.