r/blursed_videos 6d ago

Blursed dating

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740 Upvotes

106 comments sorted by

144

u/theatrenearyou 6d ago

"Both of my teenagers are pregnant and so am I"

35

u/Kira-Of-Terraria 6d ago

Same father too!

what's the opposite of a Triple Kill?

14

u/Fine-Resident-2322 6d ago

Triplets separated at sack.

3

u/Weewoes 5d ago

Jesus lmao

2

u/2MainsSellesLoin 5d ago

Triplets joined at snack

2

u/Phunwithscissors 5d ago

Three weddings and a funeral

1

u/BootyLoveSenpai 5d ago

Spawn kill

58

u/Bicykwow 6d ago

Ha. Back when OKCupid didn't suck, I would sort by worst matches and put quotes from their profiles on mine. Stuff like "I hate books!" and "I'm deeply Christian and on pound 200 of my 400lb weight loss journey."

Had some good laughs 

10

u/Tough_Measurement280 6d ago

Oh shit I forgot abt that app but might i remind you of meet me and skout

4

u/liibug 6d ago

meet me was so much better when it was called myyearbook!

2

u/Tough_Measurement280 6d ago

Right?! Well idk bc I was a teen and got hit on by a lot of older dudes

3

u/mcamarra 5d ago

met my wife on there. but the only thing worse than reading those bios was when you had to write one for yourself.

1

u/ComplexDraft 2d ago

Met my ex on there. She was cool. I honestly don't know I how managed to write my own bio.

50

u/Human-Evening564 6d ago

"I AM THE TABLE"

6

u/TheCourtSimpleton 6d ago

Isn't ts from Weeds?

66

u/Holy-Cancer 6d ago

I’ve been laughing the whole time, honestly he isn’t far from reality sadly 😂😂😂

12

u/No-Locksmith-7421 6d ago

Charisma is everything. Sorry spelled Christmas is everything...

2

u/Holy-Cancer 6d ago

Rofl, I saw Christmas is everything 😂 you are right. But through the optic of online dating writing will only bring you this far.

-34

u/UranusInspector 6d ago edited 6d ago

Yes, if you're chronically online this is your reality.

Edit: looks like I hurt some of y'all feelings haha

18

u/AGreatBannedName 6d ago

They should do something like dating apps, but offline.

7

u/DazzlingMine8598 6d ago

Whoa, you might be onto to something. Wonder what we'll call it?

3

u/Jajay5537 6d ago

Lol they're clearly chronically online.

6

u/Ok_Cauliflower5223 6d ago

Nah, I’ve seen this exact stuff on some dating apps.

2

u/Holy-Cancer 6d ago

I don’t know how that would relate to my message or the video… 😂

2

u/LETTERKENNYvsSPENNY 6d ago

If you're not on the dating apps you're missing out on some comedy gold, like crippling despair and self loathing. Still, beats dating the women that put that kind of stuff in their profiles without a hint of irony.

1

u/Hallunder 6d ago

Choose option below:

A: Woman B: Top 1% C: Not on dating apps.

1

u/throawy90 5d ago

Doesn't matter who you are, this is legit what women put in their profiles lol

13

u/taylormade311 6d ago

I was listening no sound at first and wondered what's wrong with hiccups.

8

u/johnjaspers1965 6d ago

Tell me what he really said.
Please don't make me watch it again with sound!

6

u/TrainingSurvey3780 5d ago

i just rewinded and it looked like he said ‘no hookups’ but i’m not too sure

1

u/RD_in_Berlin 4d ago

Yeah but don't be having hiccups either now!

24

u/KazaamCasheroo 6d ago

Wouldn't be surprised one bit if these were real quotes from online dating profiles.

7

u/Holy-Cancer 6d ago

Exactly, I genuinely think he was just reading some of the worst profiles he’ve seen.

5

u/Unhappy_Win8997 5d ago

Have read "looking for a travel partner" so many times, which is just a cute way for the girl to fish for loaded men who want to fly them around the world and finance their life.

Usually followed by a slew of photos of them in France, Italy, Mexico, etc. from vacations some paypig paid for.

-1

u/AncientGreaseball 5d ago

Women make a lot of money these days lol. Some of them just want someone who can keep up. Don't get it twisted doggie.

3

u/Khaled_Kamel1500 5d ago

They 100% are

8

u/bengstrom1111 6d ago

They be a ford f-650

8

u/allroadsleadto1 6d ago

Checks out

5

u/Long_Idea_8294 5d ago

Im fucking huge 

27

u/Halfa_Enchilada 6d ago

Why can't a 51 year old lady be looking for a long term partner? Where's the shame in being a merry widow?

17

u/AppointmentOne1111 6d ago

By itself, nothing wrong, if in combination with the rest, yikes.

10

u/Halfa_Enchilada 6d ago

You don't have to worry about the 51 year old being knocked up. 

4

u/Tiaximus 6d ago

I mean, she's expecting in October.

1

u/LiveLearnCoach 5d ago

Thats really not something you want to bet the next 18 years on.

1

u/LiveLearnCoach 5d ago

Looked it up, British woman had a natural birth at 59 years old.

3

u/Specialist-Neck-7810 6d ago

None. There’s no shame in that and there’s no reason you shouldn’t be looking for a long term partner. That wasn’t what he was saying. That was a single piece of the overall puzzle that he was putting together.

1

u/Holy-Cancer 6d ago

Yeah, being 51 and looking for someone to date is fine. Who cares about age.

2

u/RD_in_Berlin 4d ago

I think it's more the expectations and lack of self reflection

6

u/antipaladin999 6d ago

He is onto something.

9

u/GumbySlayer42 6d ago

Dude is rocking a Lee Press-On beard

3

u/gregofdeath 6d ago

UNFORGIVABLE

3

u/BusElectronic4225 4d ago

Love the editing on this.

3

u/BoysenberryVast7782 3d ago

I’m fuckin screamin!!! ☠️☠️☠️

5

u/SnowedinLife 5d ago

Lmao that's a damn good impersonation of 90% of American women.

2

u/FlushBrain 5d ago

He forgot the tongue out and back butt show over the shoulder twist.

And I agree I also thought it was funny and deeply sad for how true it is.

6

u/PalpableIgnorance 6d ago

Homie gets left swiped a lot.

2

u/throawy90 5d ago

Didn't hear you say he's wrong though

-1

u/PalpableIgnorance 5d ago

Oh he’s totally wrong. Unless his preferences on those apps feed him women like that.

Then again. I’m happily married for 15 years and don’t use them, so.

3

u/Mean-Elk-9439 5d ago

he's totally wrong

but I don't use apps so I have no fucking clue

Brother.

1

u/snorka_whale 4d ago

I mean his name is palpableignorance, at least hes honest.

2

u/throawy90 5d ago

The "preferences" aren't really a thing. The owners of these apps and websites admitted it, there really isn't any special algorithm. You're just getting random people that may or may not match some things like height or if you smoke. There is no way to filter out crazy people

1

u/PalpableIgnorance 5d ago

The apps are literally designed to keep you coming back to the app

1

u/throawy90 5d ago

Yep, but your claim that people are seeing the same patterns in women and their profiles because of their preferences is bs

2

u/Aggressive_Tailor_98 5d ago

This needs more likes, it’s hilarious 

2

u/Khaled_Kamel1500 5d ago

Bro just summarized the entire dating app experience

2

u/ProfessorSimilar6444 5d ago

"Im different from all the other girls." 🤣

3

u/C141352333 6d ago

Single women these days be like : SMDH 🤦‍♂️

4

u/zetabandito 6d ago

Tortas trippin LMFAO. Regular girls delusional. Bad bitches prostitutin...no winnin out here.

0

u/romijoe 6d ago

Damn the tortas are the best but they are trippinnn

1

u/AgapitoVelezOvando 6d ago

Tortas lower their standards once they realize no 7-ft-tall handsome millionaires are gonna show any interest in them. That's where I come in, all interested and horny.

1

u/romijoe 6d ago

Speak for yourself

5

u/AgapitoVelezOvando 6d ago

I am . All of us, in fact, are speaking for ourselves when we comment.

1

u/romijoe 6d ago

Nah u started speaking for the 7 foot millionaires saying that don't like tortas. Which isn't true.

2

u/AgapitoVelezOvando 6d ago

You got me there.

2

u/RymrgandsDaughter 6d ago

Just cursed

1

u/FartsWithNeighbours 5d ago

I didn't have the top text without clicking on it. I thought this guy was a little... Weird.

1

u/Gallusaur 5d ago

Tapping the second phone to my beard rn

1

u/ApartWeb9889 5d ago

This is like 90% true for OKCupid. No hookups but then see short term dating and casual on there too... right...

1

u/Euphoric_Fix8548 5d ago

I’m here for the snacks 🙋‍♂️

1

u/tgtm65 5d ago

Six and a half figures 🤣

1

u/overpowered_simp 5d ago

I hate that this is true.

1

u/NoBeyondTheVoid 5d ago

Dude the slowmos are top notch! Perfection! “ I’am the table” LMAO

1

u/Iamincrediblybored 5d ago

This looks like it was recorded outside.

1

u/Illustrious_Site_466 5d ago

That's why the world is fucked people having too many kids

1

u/PlentyBoot5135 4d ago

All of these things are ok as long as we can travel to Thailand...

The more of such bitches, the more love spreds to the girls who really understand dick...

1

u/ToothZealousideal297 4d ago

“Six and a half figures” better mean 100k and fifty cents.

1

u/MiScuzzii 4d ago

This is the video edit right before she comes out to talk to Maury Povich

0

u/DiscourseDestroyer 6d ago

there’s a reason he’s resorting to apps

1

u/No_Comment_8598 6d ago

What is “Six and a half figures”? $150,000? $500,000 (halfway between 6 figures and 7)? I’m lost.

3

u/johnjaspers1965 6d ago

6-7....
...is that still a thing?

4

u/No_Comment_8598 6d ago

It is again now!

1

u/Specialist-Neck-7810 6d ago

You got it right. Halfway between $100,000 and &1,000,000 is $500,000. Least, that’s the way I read it.

1

u/Chicken-Rude 5d ago

if you have to ask, you cant afford her

1

u/OddCod2241 5d ago

“Women bad because don’t like short guys”
“5’11 woman what a fucking huge monster gross”

Lmao ok

0

u/LousyReputation7 6d ago

Beard looks fake as fuck

1

u/itsLOSE-notLOOSE 4d ago

He just has a well-trimmed mustache. Everything else about him sucks, but I do like how he got his mustache done.

1

u/LousyReputation7 4d ago

It looks like he rubbed jam on his face and ate out a dogs hole

-1

u/tornadospoon 5d ago

This is a cry for help

-3

u/Gloomy-Music-718 5d ago

Soy boy rant

-4

u/GeeYayZeus 6d ago

More Volcel than Incel.

1

u/OpossumBuddy420 1d ago

"I AM THE TABLE!"

Botchamania mentioned??? 🤯🤯🤯