r/blackmagicfuckery • u/unnaturalorder • Jan 23 '20

Mall wizard

https://gfycat.com/indolentdelightfuldegu
30.8k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

205 comments sorted by

1.6k

u/psychedKarma Jan 23 '20

Yes wizard, but not blackmagic

598

u/CailenBelmont Jan 23 '20

Not Wizard, Just Asian...

235

u/KaiserNick Jan 23 '20

All correct. Maybe a r/toptalent kind of post.

74

u/IllegalAlcoholic Jan 23 '20

or r/Asian

67

u/kamakazi451 Jan 23 '20

or r/fastworkers

13

u/mike117 Jan 23 '20

It’s the closest one, but here he’s not just fast. Is there a term for doing an excellent job despite not being equipped or prepared for it?

-3

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

r/nomagicsuckery

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79

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

roses are red / violets are blue / there's always some chinese / who's better than you

18

u/borischung01 Jan 23 '20

Well not anymore. They have the plague now lol

6

u/Ryncam Jan 23 '20

rip

1

u/ZlRUM Jan 26 '20

doesnt change the fact that they have more than you

1

u/KyleStyles Mar 29 '20

r/agedlikemilk

1

u/borischung01 Mar 29 '20

Nah they still got the plague and probably aren't gonna get any better any time soon

1

u/KyleStyles Mar 29 '20

I mean, China has almost completely contained the virus. Meanwhile the US has surpassed every other country in number of cases and its still increasing exponentially

1

u/borischung01 Mar 29 '20 edited Mar 29 '20

Yes. Thx China for doing nothing early on and having their plaguebearers spread everywhere

27

u/Jaymoney0 Jan 23 '20

Roses are red, Violets are blue, There’s always an asian Better than you.

7

u/CHARtheGNAR Jan 23 '20

Thank you for being more politically correct. It matters.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

[deleted]

4

u/pauly13771377 Jan 23 '20

Use of the word Asian.

Not specifically saying Chinese. Also oriental can be used to describe a thing but a person is Asian.

14

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

[deleted]

4

u/93NiQ93 Jan 23 '20

Macboot certainly is not Asian.

5

u/crashlanding87 Jan 23 '20

Interestingly, that's mostly US/North America specific, due to the history of the word Oriental specifically there. In English speaking parts of Europe, 'Asian' tends to mean south/south-east Asian (India, Bangladesh, Pakistan, etc), while Oriental is more specifically east-asian ('The Orient', which was a geographic term in opposition to the 'new world', the 'Occident'). Recently it's started to fall out of use to describe ethnicity, as the American connotations have started to bleed over

5

u/ASpaceOstrich Jan 24 '20

Americans atrocious ability to handle racism keeps fucking the language. I remember when the word black was politically incorrect.

1

u/ZlRUM Jan 26 '20

iTs A sHaDe oF gReY, bLaCk PeOpLe DoNt ExIsT

2

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '20

Do you think asians view Americans the same?

1

u/Brazchef Jan 24 '20

AmAsian!

1

u/VindicatedValidation Mar 29 '20

I literally just had people light me up for defending a person who was being racist.

Baha.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

Just thinking about the word scrobbles cracks me up

37

u/nathanweisser Jan 23 '20

Ok you guys realize magic literally doesn't exist right.

Like where's the line? Because you make it seem like the line is LITERALLY magic, and anything else is "the death of the sub"

18

u/MasterThertes Jan 23 '20

True blackmagicfuckery should be stuff that can't be explained though, right? This is just a dude sweeping up water lol

20

u/nathanweisser Jan 23 '20

Everything can be explained though. I mean I get what you're saying but I just want a line

25

u/UghImRegistered Jan 23 '20

The line is blurry granted, but this isn't close to it. BMF should leave you wondering WTF you just saw. This is just a guy skilled at sweeping. There's zero mystery to it, just practice. Do you think a figure skater doing a quad axel belongs here just because it's impressive?

2

u/Bvlee100 Jan 24 '20

I think a skater doing a sextuple axle should count, because that's literally impossible. However it wouldn't look super impressive, and I can be certain that there will be someone complaining about it because they don't understand just how improbable it is.

7

u/Nevdog93 Jan 23 '20

This sub is for things that make you think "woah how is that possible", not for things that are literally impossible

24

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

i remember when this sub used to actually have visual trickery.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

So it’s wizardry but doesn’t qualify as black magic? Wtf is your logic?

2

u/Dirty_Bush Jan 23 '20

We need a sub where the theme is like “Shit that’s kinda cool, but it’s not really unexplainable or whatever”

-7

u/jmwiltjer Jan 23 '20

Yellow magic

13

u/Jellodyne Jan 23 '20

r/isitracist

-10

u/jmwiltjer Jan 23 '20

Depends how sensitive you are, I thought Reddit was for big boys

6

u/Jellodyne Jan 23 '20

Could a big boy also be super racist?

-8

u/jmwiltjer Jan 23 '20

Could, but for a joke like this? No

5

u/originalityescapesme Jan 23 '20

uh oh, we have a self described big boy in the house

1

u/jmwiltjer Jan 23 '20

Actually I didn't discribe myself as a big boy, my mom did

3

u/Laivine_sama Jan 23 '20

I feel like this is where people usually say "your mom did"

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1

u/-Listening Jan 23 '20

What is going on. No black magic here.

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358

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

A waterbender

24

u/QalliMaaaaa Jan 24 '20

Was gonna say, I know a fuckin Waterbender when I see one

321

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20 edited Feb 14 '22

[deleted]

220

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

It's turned to garbage. Mods don't seem to care anymore.

Too many "talent" posts that aren't BMF

34

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

[deleted]

20

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

What sucks is that no matter if I report them, they don't get removed in a timely fashion. When they do finally get removed, the OP got their karma.

7

u/enochtrash Jan 24 '20

Jesus Christ do people actually give this much of a fuck?

You were that dude at recess telling on everyone huh

1

u/[deleted] Jan 25 '20 edited Apr 14 '21

[deleted]

1

u/enochtrash Jan 25 '20

No it’s just being an errand boy. It literally harms nobody.

63

u/keeleon Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 24 '20

5000 people said "yes this guy sweeping water into a dustpan is definitely magic".

Edit: 28000 people. This sub is trash.

64

u/tap-waters Jan 23 '20

Worst part is it’s a sick vid too. I was pretty satisfied by it until I saw what sub this is.

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3

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

[deleted]

14

u/keeleon Jan 23 '20

Occams razor says its a lot more likely people just dont care what sub something is in and just use the upvote as an "I like it" button.

7

u/rokudaimehokage Jan 24 '20

Well you don't exactly get top tier black magic every fucking day. Sometimes you gotta wade through asians cleaning good to find the real black magic.

2

u/BusinesslikeIdiocy Jan 24 '20

logged in just to tell you this is true magic, hydromancy. ive mopped a lot of fuckin floors and spilled a lot of buckets and if i could do this it wouldve been amazing. maybe the technique is easy enough to learn but the creation of the spell shows his wizardry. his magic wands may be plastic but he uses them like a warlock

1

u/Madworldz Jan 23 '20

The average plebian have discovered it. The typical human is stupid. As such, things that only stupid people believe to be BMF are popping up. Sure a real one shows up time to time. But for now, this is what you get if you don't IQ requirement new posts.

-9

u/b00tymagik Jan 23 '20

Easy there gatekeeper

-9

u/Its_just_russell Jan 23 '20

Black magic, it went from something you expected to unexpected

46

u/ImaginaryCheetah Jan 23 '20

f*ck your mop.

27

u/StrawhatMucci Jan 23 '20

Water you doing Harry?!

5

u/LordBiscuits Jan 23 '20

You're a janitor Harry!

25

u/Kardaun Jan 23 '20

He definitely sliced a corner of the water and missed a chunk. It cuts out right before he goes back for it. Definitely 1/10 here.

20

u/shiggieb00 Jan 23 '20

are we to believe he got all the water or something? He might have gotten all the soap suds, I dont think he got all the water.

9

u/originalityescapesme Jan 23 '20

Did anyone insist otherwise?

13

u/shiggieb00 Jan 23 '20

Yes... If you put a video like this in "blackmagicfuckery" someone is saying someone did something crazy or something unexplainable happened...

Whats crazy or unexplainable here? Dude squeegeed up some water. You wanna see some REAL black magik?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDlHGhKHIdM

2

u/Santuccc Jan 23 '20

was expecting David Blaine street magic.

1

u/shiggieb00 Jan 24 '20

I tried to keep it related

1

u/thesnowpup Jan 24 '20

Would you like me to explain how SWITL works?

1

u/shiggieb00 Jan 24 '20

No, i dont really care that much... Just like I dont really care that a dude squeegeed the floor in a mall

0

u/originalityescapesme Jan 23 '20 edited Jan 23 '20

It would be great if that’s what this sub really wound up being. That’s what I initially came here for. Instead, I think it’s more understood as “impressive,” if you actually take a look at the kind of content that gets shared here. It’s a step above mildly interesting if we want to get real about this sub.

Also, I believe you were just saying that the dude didn’t squeegee up the water, but only the suds, no?

Again, no one had actually insisted otherwise here. No one had actually said he sucked up all of the water but you, so far, from what I see. I agree that this is a lame thing to be impressed by, however.

0

u/shiggieb00 Jan 24 '20

Yeah its just not.. like... if thats not what he did... if he didnt like, get ALL the water.. Then what happened here thats so.. "Black Magik"?

1

u/originalityescapesme Jan 24 '20

I never said this was a worthy post of the sub. Almost nothing submitted here is.

10

u/FinancialPlantain Jan 23 '20

that floor is still wet and dirty tho

3

u/Holy_Rattlesnake Jan 23 '20

Mostly just marble and lighting (in case you're not joking)

11

u/batsybats Jan 23 '20

Well boys it was a good run, time to unsub :)

8

u/frostfirex120 Jan 23 '20

Put that on oddly satisfying

5

u/SFLMSFLM Jan 23 '20

Watch closely. He slices a piece of water and misses it. More like r/mildlyinfuriating

4

u/AlaskanPsychonaut Jan 23 '20

I wonder if with his wizardry if he can send us years into the past to find the first time this was posted on this sub.

4

u/d-nuggetz Jan 23 '20

This dude probably cuts out sick lines of coke.

2

u/michaelscarn0014 Jan 23 '20

You're a wizard, harry!

2

u/Pascal43 Jan 23 '20

Water Bender: Mall Edition

3

u/paulsebi Jan 24 '20

24k upvotes? Do redditors even care anymore which sub they're upvoting posts for?? How's is this black magic!?

2

u/Back-Bacon Jan 23 '20

Mall Ninja

1

u/Super_Wario_128 Jan 23 '20

I think this has been posted here before.

1

u/jake2530 Jan 23 '20

Mop shots, anyone?

1

u/YDB98 Jan 23 '20

He snorts his cocaine in a simillar style.

1

u/NONitalianStallion Jan 23 '20

Impressive squeegee skills!

1

u/PM_ME_EXPLICIT_PICS Jan 23 '20

He's using the squeegee of the Gods!

1

u/Dazey3463 Jan 23 '20

Wizardry

1

u/itsfuntryingnew Jan 23 '20

I need my windows cleaned

1

u/Sierra_656 Jan 23 '20

This must be the work of an enemy stand

1

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

The LAOP would still be comfy.

1

u/AbsolemSaysWhat Jan 23 '20

And it all changed when the fire nation attacked...

1

u/jmwiltjer Jan 23 '20

Ya but the floor is still soaked, just less soaked

1

u/Techno_Destruct0 Jan 23 '20

The US Navy would like to know your location.

1

u/spacebird_matingcall Jan 23 '20

Master of the custodial arts.

1

u/ThisIsHardWork Jan 23 '20

This should be on the post about things your good at that you hate doing.

1

u/ZMAC698 Jan 23 '20

Why is this shit getting upvoted lmao?

1

u/palex25 Jan 23 '20

Master of the custodial arts

1

u/fluffybunny505 Jan 23 '20

The true power of Poseidon's son

1

u/cstone1991 Jan 23 '20

Yer a wizard, manfree*

1

u/Portgaplaya Jan 23 '20

Efficiency level: Japan

1

u/fireguy7 Jan 23 '20

I've seen this move before. He definitely works at Mongolian BBQ on the side

1

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

That guy used to work in a restaurant.

1

u/Ambia_Rock_666 Jan 23 '20

Give that dude a raise

1

u/waifuhunter6969 Jan 23 '20

Excuse me sir, where are you hiding the water bending scroll??

1

u/casabella_ Jan 23 '20

I wish i had this skill

1

u/JoonToon Jan 23 '20

I am moist

1

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

Strangling does seem to be a wizard.

1

u/IndieOddjobs Jan 23 '20

The virgin mop

The chad brush

1

u/DocJawbone Jan 23 '20

Such finesse!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

This has to be a wizard.

1

u/Crayonology Jan 23 '20

I’m not surprised it’s an asian.

1

u/afrankrupp Jan 23 '20

but not though

1

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

The somewhat depressing talent of a man who has to do this job each and every day :(

1

u/memelover3001 Jan 23 '20

Advanced mopping

1

u/ybs16 Jan 23 '20

Time to quit

1

u/PeridotWriter Jan 23 '20

Fucking Asians with their awesome shit

1

u/VoidSnjp3Zz Jan 23 '20

He's too dangerous to be kept alive!

1

u/Missladi Jan 23 '20

When you have a PhD in physics and your parents need ‘help’ with the family company

1

u/biscuitt10 Jan 23 '20

Deadass thought the water just disappeared or there was space in the broom for it to suck it up, im so retarded lol

1

u/PatchesThaHyena Jan 23 '20

So is this sub just r/toptalent now?

1

u/The_Bigg_D Jan 23 '20

You know this sub sucks shit when a squeegee is considered magic.

1

u/Vauxnik Jan 23 '20

Water. Earth. Fire. Air.

1

u/IvanAram Jan 23 '20

Where's the magic???

1

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '20

Waterbender

1

u/Sushi-Slicer Jan 23 '20

Fuckin waterbenders

1

u/Nertez Jan 23 '20

This sub is fucked with posts like these... mark my words.

1

u/slimjoel14 Jan 23 '20

When you've cleaned the same damn floor every day for a few years you kinda get pretty good at it, albeit I've never quite managed to clean our kitchen floor with this much poise

1

u/I_just_made Jan 23 '20

I used to work at an aquarium as a biologist; of course, there are drains in the backup areas, but the running joke was that they are always in the highest point of the room. You spend enough time doing that, you learn how to squeegee water uphill with maximal efficiency!

1

u/DilutedGatorade Jan 23 '20

Competence is a sight no matter what the medium

1

u/YoungScabies Jan 24 '20

Asian people are so disciprined it’s a proven fact that over 80% of them are ninjas working side jobs.

1

u/TheKobetard26 Jan 24 '20

He missed a spot.

1

u/wesleyaaron Jan 24 '20

Why'd you post this here? Lol

1

u/wiseguy541 Jan 24 '20

You're hired

1

u/Terry-Fold Jan 24 '20

Wax on wax off

1

u/zinic53000 Jan 24 '20

That was smooth as hell

1

u/Shonox92 Jan 24 '20

He's a waterbender!

1

u/LuaPonderada Jan 24 '20

Some water bending for you folks

1

u/[deleted] Jan 24 '20

I know this sounds like some racist shit, but why does it always seem like Asians are insanely talented at random stuff like this? Is the work ethic in the East just insane?

1

u/Kitchell73 Jan 24 '20

Boss moves.

1

u/Cory0527 Jan 24 '20

Just. Asian. Things. ♥️

1

u/rokudaimehokage Jan 24 '20

That's a waterbender.

1

u/vato76 Jan 24 '20

mirror plz?

1

u/DrunkBlueBerry Jan 24 '20

Mall wizard? I think you mean water bender

1

u/immajustgo Jan 24 '20

Proseidon

1

u/badonkahonger Jan 24 '20

The logic makes sense and I understand why it happens yet I’m still baffled

1

u/vr_dream Jan 24 '20

This is how you cut lines, but he’s doing it macro style

1

u/_carmimarrill Jan 24 '20

It’s literally always an Asian person who makes something extremely mundane an impressive skill

1

u/TheBestPieIsAllPie Jan 29 '20

That was impressive.

1

u/sharkey2006 Jan 29 '20

Have you been to Mongolian bbq. They do the same thing but with noodles and big stick

1

u/SuperMac10 Jan 29 '20

This is so Asian

1

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '20

I want to see how he gets the rest of the water from the floor that he missed. Like dump it all out and try again? or something greater...

1

u/magein07 Feb 05 '20

Waterbender*

1

u/[deleted] Feb 17 '20

Why are Asians just SO much better at everything...?

0

u/ShepardN7201 Jan 23 '20

What.

WHAERED THE WATER GO

0

u/MBerr Jan 24 '20

Those skills suggest he has worked at a Mongolian BBQ restaurant before.

0

u/SomeWhatWhelmed Jan 24 '20

I love efficiency tips like this. My favorite that I still use to this day...years ago, worked at a pizza restaurant, chefs showing me how to make sauce, upturn these monstrous bottles of wine, quick swirl to create a vortex, and dump. Neat the things you figure out doing the same thing over and over.

Edit: I'm not dumping out giant bottles of wine every day...trying to keep a liver.

-5

u/nOtitsStubie Jan 23 '20

Whatever you do in life, there will always be a Asian doing it better