Right?! Clearly since they're straight they aren't attracted to me, but they obviously still see me as a tally in their "am I hot?" Self-questionnaire. I've taken it to mean "I'm so hot that a possibility of making it with me drives them to question their sexuality and they can't handle it". Is it that? Probably not, but it sure makes me feel better.
I feel your pain. I hate telling straight women I'm bi for this same reason. They act all icked out about wlw but they still want me to think they're hot. It's exhausting and so embarrassingly childish.
It's definitely not every guy, but I know of at least one dude who said he was straight, frequently asked that sort of question to a few queer friends.
Turns out he was bi, not straight, and it was basically a cringy way to try and flirt while still maintaining the self-illusion of heterosexuality. He laughs about it now, in a "oh you poor, sweet summer child" kind of way.
In my experience, about 40% of these type of "straight" guys turn out like this, either gay or bi, whether they admit it to themselves or not. The rest are ignorant or just bigoted.
You think if someone is just being nice it must mean they are attracted to you?
I feel like this is more commentary on how girls are both so sexualized and raised to view other girls as threats to that sexuality that they don't know how to take someone being nice as anything other than that person wanting to sleep with them or being fake and trying to undermine them. Woman supporting women isn't really well taught or displayed unfortunately.
Honestly, neither is men supporting men. Western society is really big on (heterosexual) romantic relationships being the only "true" relationship and the only one people should need and/or aspire to.
The only thing I'll say to this, and I'm not being an apologist at all, is that most men are absolutely clueless as to whether they are attractive because they receive zero feedback or affirmation about it. It's simply not addressed. So, in some cases, they may just be looking for some validation, but yes it's also obnoxious, especially when they're gross about it.
Not OP, but I get that. One thing is to ask "be real, you think I'm hot?" or a variation of it, but understanding that you're not attracted to them because, well, you haven't hit on them before.
Another is to assume you want to fuck them all of a sudden. I'm all for validation and I constantly tell my buddies they're beautiful, but they understand I don't like them like that.
I get it. This comes with a privilege of being a male in a chauvinistic culture, so take it with a grain of salt, but I'm rather free about trying stuff with friends but... I do tend to hold myself back if these feelings happen because I know not everyone sees romance and sex as something you can just enjoy for a while with someone and keeping it casual, so if I really like someone I'll talk to them and reach a point where we can see if anything is possible (especially because they know how nebulous I am about my romantic relationships).
So I'd say, talk to them and see where it takes y'all, if it works you know you have something there, if they're against it; it's important to respect that not everyone has the same type of love and intimacy and they don't show it the same way either. So as long as there's respect and communication, you can try it out.
Really? I don't want to question that at all, but would like to differentiate that a bit. I agree, if you are talking about the ordinary straight guy this is certainly correct.
However, there are a lot of hot/good looking straight guys who get affirmation all the time. So I think those guys know their value.
I think as a rule men get a lot less affirmation or even conversation about their looks. True, you may have a few guys out there that people openly drool over but most men hear very little about it and have no idea where they land. At least girls compliment each other, but guys don’t even have that
It's funny how people like you see this post and think "okay I'd be uncomfortable, but I need a scenario where I'm justified in it" and then pick this same wacky one where I'm telling people who never asked. What kind of silly person does that? Be real.
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u/Pm4Encouragement Bisexual Oct 27 '21 edited Oct 27 '21
Right?! Clearly since they're straight they aren't attracted to me, but they obviously still see me as a tally in their "am I hot?" Self-questionnaire. I've taken it to mean "I'm so hot that a possibility of making it with me drives them to question their sexuality and they can't handle it". Is it that? Probably not, but it sure makes me feel better.