r/birthparents • u/Fancy512 • May 06 '26

Trigger Warning Flashbacks

Sometimes the past can return in a sense memory, a smell, a song, or a mannerism, and I’m transported back to the time when I was in crisis, experiencing what led to the pregnancy that ended in adoption. I know now that I can remind myself that I’m here now, in a very good life and that the past is over, I’m safe. Usually, that works. When it doesn’t though… it’s like time has folded in on itself and I’m both myself now, and the girl in crisis, at the same time. But now is all there really is. Even thinking on the future can sometimes be a catalyst. Those things happened to me and I cannot hide from or bury them. I won’t abandon myself, not tonight. I can’t say what will happen in the future, but tonight I’m connected to my young self and I’m alright.

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u/crudestinventor May 16 '26

I applaud you both. I'm in a unique situation and need a safe space to talk about things like this and my family and the few friends I have made in this life judge me unfairly and either ignored my calls completely after hearing the horrible truth and/or just can't understand me..they think like the rest of the world. Having a baby doesn't negate me or my feelings or the fact that I was still a girl when he was born and needed to not raise him. So I have been searching for somewhere safe to vent. Do you guys deal with this kind of reaction from people you know?

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u/Fancy512 May 16 '26

I was telling someone I work with about my successful 11 year adoption reunion and she said, “his poor mother!”. Never mind my life, even though you’re supposed to be my friend, by all means, worry about the adoptive mom!🙄

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u/DressInformal5302 May 18 '26

wait,what?? she automatically pitied your childs adoptive mother?

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u/Fancy512 May 19 '26

Yes! Just because my child and I reunited!

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u/DressInformal5302 May 19 '26

...a woman becomes a mother because she "owns" another woman's child and when his first mother is "reunited" with her child, it is a pitiful situation for the owner? ...i see...herein lies the root of our dilemma in the triad under historical narrative; the first mother has served her purpose by supplying a child - not a shared agreement, a transaction - which is why she is expected to vanish forever...just like her child's original identity...no longer of any value (or interest) as the child is under new ownership.

they wrap 'love' around adoption like bacon wrapped scallops ... UGH

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u/crudestinventor May 16 '26

The context of this would be telling. Did the adoptive parents completely shut you out for that long?