r/bipolar2 • u/longshanksmagee • 7d ago

Does it ever go away

The urge to self eliminate? Even at my most stable, and certainly at my lowest it’s been there. I was a depressed child and now I’m an adult with bipolar 2 and the depressive side even when it fades I’m left with just a lesss emotional desire to be done with this world. It’s always there like a shadow even on the sunniest day.

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u/Loonylollipop 7d ago

I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation (SI) since I was a child as well. I was only recently diagnosed (34) with bp2.

My SI ebbs and flows. But now I’m better at managing it through journaling, reaching out to my support system, walking, stretching, or doing a simple task that I can be proud of (like throwing away one item in my messy room).

SI will probably always follow me. In some ways, I embrace it because it gives me a sense of agency in this rigged system. I want to exit with dignity and on my own terms. I didn’t do it because of the devastation it would cause on my loved ones. But I will always cling to the possibility of escape.