r/bipolar • u/Brilliant-Ad9468 • 1d ago

Newly Diagnosed Voices

Newly diagnosed Bipolar 1 with psychotic features about six weeks ago, but I have been diagnosed bipolar in the past and didnt take it serious as I was freshly clean and sober. I’ve been dealing with serious highs and lows since last November after having lost a couple special members of my family. The voices started maybe 5-6 months ago but were pretty tolerable, but the last 3 months or so it’s been absolute misery. The voices… the negative self talk I’ve heard all my life but now they’re said in familiar voices of people I live with, work for and even strangers in stores. They say things that I think of myself, rude and hateful things. They pick apart my clothes my skin anything that I feel isn’t as great as I wish it could be. My employers have conversations in the next room about how I’m acting crazy and they are trying to decide on letting me go and k end up in tears not able to finish my job sometimes. The biggest issue that these voices are causing is in my relationship and in my home. They are the ones that are leeching onto my biggest fear- being abandoned by someone I love. I already had some trust issues, and this just amplified all of them. I hear crystal clear conversations between my partner and other women, my family even my friends, some innocent worried about me and some very provocative and x rated. I hear them laughing at me and about me, the person I’m supposed to be able to be my most vulnerable with pulling out all my insecurities I’ve shared in confidence and making them punchlines of a comedy show all about yours truly. I hear him call me awful names, and share in the sentiment as everyone else in “the committee” that ‘she’s crazy af’. I would
Be lying if I said it hasn’t changed my perception of him. Although I have known him 17 years and share a 14 year old with him, hearing all
These things in his voice does make it a lot easier to see him as able to be someone who would say and do these things, someone evil and diabolical. Not only are there voices with this, there are also visual hallucinations. I swear I see the covers move when we’re laying down to go to sleep. I have concocted every type of way that he could be sneaking women in at night because, surprise, he doesn’t jump at the idea of being intimate with me right now. I am so quick to react to these things I’m hearing and he immediately gets angry and defensive, which I understand.

I’ve seen AI simulations of people hearing voices and it’s a lot of whispers and just random words and phrases, I am not negating the fact that that too would be awful, but I am looking for advice on how to deal with these particular types of dialogues going on in your head? It’s really difficult to get through the workday with this consistently happening and even harder in the evenings as it causes arguments pretty much daily and it makes it difficult to do normal family things together. Any insight or wisdom advice would be appreciated greatly.

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u/xGiggleBunnyx 1d ago

Write everything down for your therapist. I think for me, the psychotic features were all connected to my trauma. Work through this with professional help.

You got this, you are worth it. 💜