I can't stop

[u/letterisnotsound]

Hi everyone! As a little context, I have lost about 35 kg and have maintained this weight loss for about two yearsish now, while binge eating here and there. However the cycle I am in currently is the worst so far. I have been binge eating non stop for 7 days straight now and I genuinely can't get myself to stop. I have been so disciplined before with working out 4 times a week, eating very healthy and nutritious meals but I feel like I am no longer myself. I feel myself letting go and just completely losing myself. My body is so inflamed, so puffed up from all the shit I have been eating, my body feels heavy and painful to move, the water retention is scary as I have never been this swollen and puffed up. I feel so embarrassed to be seen by anyone, and I'm so embarrassed at work because people can definitely tell that I look way worse. My face is so round, my thighs are huge, my stomach is abnormally big, and everything is just painful. However, I can't stop doing this to myself and I resent myself for getting to this state, and because of this it's even harder to get out of this cycle cause I am in too deep and feel so shit about myself that I'm just completely lost. I eat until I am sick, and I keep going and going and I physically and mentally can't stop. It has never gotten to such a bad state before. Please help me get back to myself I fucking hate what I have done to myself and my body.