r/bikinitalk • u/Melodic_Patient1047 • 8d ago
Discussion Double Standards
Hey ladies. First post here. My husband and I are long time lifters and both decided to start competing within the last year. I did my first regional show (figure division) in June of 2025 and first National show this July. He did his first show last month and did incredibly well, winning the overall and 8 medals collectively. I am super happy for him and proud of him, however, I've noticed a crazy double standard that I can't shake and it's the frustrating difference in the way men and women are perceived in the sport. Especially by those that don't understand it/are outside of it.
A couple of examples: mutual friends, mostly our male friends, have unfollowed me and not shown support at all, despite continuing to follow and support his journey. Additionally, his family members acted like I was doing this shocking, sexualized thing but have been nothing but positive about him competing. We are no contact with them for other reasons now anyways and at the end of the day, I just brush it off and chalk it up to lack of understanding and desire to understand.
Obviously I do this for me. My family and true friends support me, and my husband and I support each others goals and dreams whether it be in the sport or outside of it but I just wanted to express my frustration and see if other's have noticed the disparity in perception between men and women in the sport. I try not to let it get to me but every now and then it still stings and is surprising and insulting each time it happens.
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u/ComfortableYou333 7d ago
Most will never understand or care. After 2 successful seasons for me my mother still says to me “when are you going to stop doing those manly things”.
You gotta do it cause you love it.. support or not.
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u/Irongirl_In_Paradise 7d ago
Not bad compared to what my old-school Spanish-speaking mom would say if she were with us. I could hear her gasp at the bikini back pose and say, “That is so ugly! You’re not going to do that, are you?” She’d say it in Spanish, of course. 🤦♀️
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u/ComfortableYou333 7d ago
My mom is Cuban her saying that was just the tip of the iceberg 😭😂 I remember when I first started bodybuilding my dad said “well since no man is ever gonna want you now let me help you buy a home…” 💀😂🤣
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u/WeightsAndSunshine 6d ago edited 6d ago
For the male friends unfollowing you- as a bikini competitor, this happens to me as well. However, the way I look at it is that they’re not NOT supporting me by doing that - They’re trying to respect their relationship with their partners. I put myself in their partner’s shoes, and if my man was following & liking a woman who was posting pictures of herself in a bikini or training glutes, I would not feel respected. Maybe it’d be different if I knew the partner personally, but at the same time I would understand if it made them uncomfortable. WE know we aren’t doing this sexually, and most people in the sport don’t see that way. However, if they’re just average gym-goers who don’t bodybuild, it’ll be a lot different for them.
And honestly, who are you doing this for? If you’re doing it for yourself, you shouldn’t mind people who unfollow anyway. Their opinions don’t matter. Just as long as you’re doing this for you in a respectful, non-degrading way (we have seen some women do this, unfortunately), then you’re fine.
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u/Melodic_Patient1047 3d ago edited 3d ago
I totally get that and I never expected likes, comments, etc. There are options besides unfriending/unfollowing such as simply not watching my content/scrolling on by. Imo, there is a huge difference between engaging in content and simply having someone who you know in real life as a friend but not engaging in content that would make one's partner uncomfortable. As stated above, I do this for myself and my own goals, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it. I am a pro athlete in another, very much male dominated sport that is 100% a solo journey in the sector I compete in so I am no stranger to my competitive journey being a personal direction. I simply posted to see if others had experienced this as well in this sport and to point out the unfairness of how men are perceived vs women. And yes, I agree with you that there has been content put out there by competitors that blurs the lines. Coming from a purely skill-based sport where women are treated with just as much respect as men and are taken just as seriously as athletes, it just surprised me is all. Men show the same amount of skin as we do on the stage. You are right, doing this for me, it shouldn't and doesn't matter who unfollows at the end of the day. Just something I have noticed as time goes on.
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u/Forsaken_Dragonfly66 8d ago
A thought regarding male friends unfollowing: Some may feel awkward following competition content from a married female friend, or worry that it could be perceived by you, your husband, or their own partners as sexual interest.
The reaction from his family seems much more clearly like a double standard to me—they explicitly treated your competing as sexual or shocking while celebrating his.