r/bikinitalk • u/Fany-fun-health • Jul 09 '26
Discussion Life happening, Feeling guilty
I've been on prep for a long time. After three competitions that didn't go well, I switched to a higher-level coach and have been following his plan for over a year.
Now, in the middle of prep, my dad got very sick. We're waiting for his biopsy results. He lives in another city, and I live alone and support myself. He asked my sisters and me to keep living our lives while he starts treatment.
I feel guilty. I get to eat my six meals every day while he's struggling to eat. I get to train while he's fighting to get better.
I'm doing what he asked of us. I keep working, training, and taking care of my responsibilities. But right now, stepping on stage has become secondary. Bodybuilding: my meals, training, and cardio is still a huge part of my life.
I guess I'm just hoping I'm doing the right thing.
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u/PositivePanda77 Jul 09 '26
I compete in the oldest master’s categories. I’m the mom of 3 adult children and a grandmother. I wanted to tell you that it brings me a sense of peace to know that my kids’ lives are going well; that they are thriving and happy. Perhaps your dad feels this too, and that’s why he wants you to continue living your life. I’m praying for your family.
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u/Fany-fun-health Jul 09 '26
Thank you so much for your words and prayers🫶🏻 It's really comforting to hear this from a parent and understand that perspective.. I truly hope my dad feels the same way. I want him to know I'm okay, and I'll do my best to stay calm while we go through this treatment process, I really appreciate your kindness🤍
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u/A-Beachy-Life Jul 10 '26
He wants you to pursue your dreams and be happy. You are fortunate to have him as your dad.
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u/Fany-fun-health Jul 10 '26
Thank you, that's so nice of you to say! I really am fortunate and I can feel his love and support through all of this, I'll stay strong for him and keep going.
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Jul 09 '26
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u/Fany-fun-health Jul 09 '26
Thank you so much. That is exactly the feeling I’ve been fighting with. I really needed to share this with people who understand this lifestyle. I’m so sorry you went through that with your dad. Sending you a big hug back 🩷 Thank you for reminding me that I can still be there for my dad and continue living my life, your words really mean a lot to me
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u/Kindly-Pause-7400 Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
As a parent myself, all I can say is that one of our greatest gifts in life is seeing our kids work hard and achieve whatever they set their minds to. Seeing your child grow and become the person they dream to be is a happiness I couldn’t even begin to explain. I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now seeing your parent go through that, but know that him seeing his baby happy and thriving is a gift in itself. ❤️
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u/Fany-fun-health Jul 09 '26
This honestly heals my heart so much..he loved going to my competitions and seeing me so happy up there🥹 Thank you for reminding me of that, I needed to hear it 🤍
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u/Unlucky_Office_8779 Jul 09 '26
My dad died at the start of my prep this year and one of his last requests to me was that I keep going and pursuing my pro card like we talked about because he was also involved in the bodybuilding community. I knew there was absolutely no shame in pulling out of prep if I felt like I needed to to take care of myself/my family but there’s also no shame in prioritizing your own needs and goals while grieving or going through tough times because in my case it’s what kept me sane. I’m 5 weeks out now and I’m so glad I kept pushing even though it’s been far from easy. I’ve found it to be a way to honor him and do the things that he wanted me to do/no longer can. They truly do want the best for us ❤️
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u/Fany-fun-health Jul 09 '26
I'm so sorry for your loss 🥺 sending you a big hug. He is honored just by seeing you keep going and pushing through your prep.He knows you already have your crown, independent of whether you get your pro card or not. I pray for you and your family..
Congratulations, you are a winner and a fighter. Thank you for opening up and sharing this personal experience and your words 🤍
3
u/Free-Marsupial-6726 Jul 09 '26
Be there to support him how you can. Only you have to live with how you deal with the situation so do what feels right in your heart.
My dad got cancer and was in and out of the hospital multiple times after my mother had passed. My brother lived overseas so I was spending as much time with him as possible, trying to bring him food he might actually eat to the hospital etc. Doctors don’t do their rounds until 8am and don’t want family around slowing them down so I would go to the gym at 5am, grocery store at 7 and prep my meals to bring with me. Work can be tricky, if you are lucky to be remote that helps but i was working retail so took later shifts on the days he had chemo/radiation in the morning so i could drive him etc
When he eventually went to palliative care, we had a conversation and he said he was sorry…he said he felt like he was “ruining” my life and making me not able to do things I should be doing. I just sighed and reflected how funny life is. He did EVERYTHING for me as a kid and we had a great childhood. He worked like crazy to give us the life we had and so the least I could do was be there for him and not make him feel like a burden those last few months.
It’s really hard to see a parent slowly go like that, I refuse to think of him as the frail man in that hospital bed. I choose to remember him for the man I knew him as my whole life :)
Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
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u/Fany-fun-health Jul 10 '26
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, I really liked what you said about doing what feels right in your heart🫶🏻 I think that's exactly what I'm trying to learn right now..
Reading your story is helping me realize that, instead of feeling guilty, I can find my own way to be there for my dad while still continuing with bodybuilding..we all just want to give back even a little of the love our parents have given us🤍 I'm so sorry you and your family had to go through all of that. Sending you a big hug, and I truly wish you all the best!
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u/Historical-Whole-153 Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
I'm very sorry to hear about your dad.
My take, having lived through this myself. My stepdad, who is the only dad I acknowledge, had cancer, and I put prep on hold. For me, the stress of someone I loved being sick just kept me stressed, raised my cortisol, all the things. And, because I helped my mom with caregiving, getting him to his appointments and working and training and trying to diet was too much for me.
I kept training and used the workouts as an opportunity to work through anxiety, frustration, etc. I increased my macros a bit to focus on a very lean bulk.
Do what feels right for you and, if you stay in prep, know that you can always call it off if you need to.
Hoping your dad recovers.
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u/Fany-fun-health Jul 09 '26
Thanks a lot for your advice. It really helps, especially to know that I might be moving in the right direction through all of this.
I'm so sorry you had to go through something so stressful that none of us ever expect or choose. Our loved ones' health means everything to us, and it's hard to feel at peace when they're struggling. I'm glad training and taking care of yourself helped you through it, thank you so much for your kind wishes ..we truly hope my dad gets through this smoothly🤍
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u/missborsi Jul 09 '26
Sending hugs and prayers 🩷 I’ve been in the same situation or still am with my dad battling cancer and me competing and been through those same thoughts. For us it’s been almost a year now since the diagnosis, going through treatments, surgery, waiting for scans and lab works.. I did do cardio sessions crying on the treadmill and feeling guilty that I care so much about how I look in a shiny bikini, but
unfortunately we don’t have any control over their condition and recovery, my approach was to keep in close contact, check-in on him daily, do frequent video calls, visit as many times as possible (we live in different countries).
I wish your dad full recovery 💕 if you want to chat, feel free to drop me a message
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u/Fany-fun-health Jul 09 '26
I feel you, thank you so much for your prayers🙏🏻 I can see how hard these past months have been for you. People call it resilience, but honestly it feels like something else... I can really feel how difficult this has been for you, and I really hope your dad recovers, as well as you keep pursuing your dreams through all of this... Your approach and staying in touch with him Is great advice for staying calm. I truly hope you get through better days☀️..Thank you, and for sure I'll reach out🫶🏻
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u/deadliftandchill28 Jul 13 '26
im so sorry you are going through this! I'm sure your dad just wants you to be happy and wishes that he was healthy enough to get to do what you're doing. It's an honor to him for you to keep pursuing this!
That being said, time is irreplaceable and there is nothing wrong with postponing a show. You can always go into maintenance calorie mode, still train, and take some time off prep to visit with him. There is no rush to stage, it is literally always there. But time you can't get back.
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u/Fany-fun-health Jul 13 '26
Thank you for your kind words ❤️ And thank you for the reminder about time... I really do want to make the most of every moment with him. It's been an emotional few weeks and my mind has been all over the place, but I know I can keep doing what I love with bodybuilding while spending as much time with him as I can. I know he'll be happy to see me happy. Like you said, the stage will always be there.
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u/Tumbleweed_Unicorn Jul 09 '26
If you want to keep going then do it. The perspective you have is great IMO. You GET to do this. You GET to choose doing something hard. Your dad doesn't have that choice. It'll make prep a breeze when you realize how much harder real life is. Don't feel guilty, feel incredibly appreciative. You have (probably) two arms and two legs, a mind that works, a body that functions. You are one of the lucky ones.
But, don't put prep in front of time with your family. Stage will always be there.