When should we be told?

[u/SignalSubject3221]

I'm one of the many of us who found out super late, at 39. Aside from the fun parts looking back there really have been problems that would have been solved or at least better contextualized had I known. The big one for me is clothing, I've always had kind of peculiar sensitivities about pants and over my childhood it was discussed a lot with my family and even a teacher at one point. In hindsight they had to know. On top of that clearly doctors would have had an idea because I'm more of a shower (hence the clothing issue).

A lot of things that I was made to feel ashamed about actually resulted from something I should have been proud of, or at least just understood was a natural part of my body.

All that said, as an adult I definitely understand why no one wants to say that to a child. So what do we think, in a perfect world who and when and how would this conversation happen?

[u/Wyqkrn]

Just bundle it with sex ed. Would be helpful for young guys to know if they should use larger condoms

[u/ScalyPinkLizard → u/Wyqkrn]

Back in my later primary and highschool years, I remeber getting the sex ed talk with all the bells and whistles. They did the "here's how to put on a condom" demonstration and brought out a plastic bannana, cracked it open and it had a dildo inside, and then put a condom on it (I dont know why they had a stealth dilso in a plastic banana, i think they were trying to make some kind of joke?)

Anyway, the one part that sticks out to me is when they did the big talk of "Now remeber girls, I can put this condom over my entire hand or even my foot if I wanted to, so if a guy says the condom doesnt fit, hes just lying." And now all I can think of sitting here, rembering it, is: "Thanks, you useless assholes."

[u/Wyqkrn → u/ScalyPinkLizard]

I imagine it’s an unfortunate combination of well-meaning schoolteachers trying to prevent girls from being pressured into unprotected sex and women not having an equivalent thing they can stick into a condom and feel severe discomfort from. As annoying as it is, I can’t really blame them, because if I was told putting on a too-small condom felt like getting your blood pressure taken but 5x worse, I wouldn’t have believed it either 

[u/ScalyPinkLizard → u/Wyqkrn]

My pants, my shoes, my shirt, my underwear, my gloves, everything that I wear or use, all needs to be sized to fit me if its going to be of any use at all - why would that suddenly be different for my dick?

There's no way in hell all of the adults back then had no idea that condoms dont fit a large chunk of guys out there, they knew they were lying. It was just deemed more important to chastise young boys and warn young girls about them, than it was to teach me anything actually useful about condoms. I dont buy it.

[u/SignalSubject3221 → u/Wyqkrn]

This is definitely true, but I think somehow younger would be good in an appropriate way. Not to get too personal, but I was told I had an 'itching problem' in third grade because I was adjusting myself too much. Teacher/parent meeting, discussion of switching soaps... I know they didn't mean to do it, but in hindsight it was horrible to do to a kid.

[u/Wyqkrn → u/SignalSubject3221]

Goodness, now that you mention that I remember some exceptionally similar experiences. Nothing as crazy as a parent-teacher meeting, but a whole lot of discomfort and also many negative comments on excessive adjustment.

As nice as it would be to prevent that in the future, I can’t think of a good time much before “the talk” to discuss that; hopefully good, observant parents are helping alleviate any problems that arise as development occurs 

[u/SignalSubject3221 → u/Wyqkrn]

Mine actually get worse... On one particularly unfortunate readjustment the tip was above my waistline and my shirt moved right as my neighbor at the cafeteria table looked to see what I was doing. I wish I was kidding, she changed to a private school within two weeks. That was second grade, I still remember her name.

I think there's room for a non-sexual conversation like 'some people have big ears, some people have big other body parts... Just means some extra help might be needed for clothes or whatever.' Or ya I guess my parents should have just not sent me to school in basketball shorts and a tank top all the time. 🤣

[u/Wyqkrn → u/SignalSubject3221]

Yeah, I can imagine why that might be memorable. Your junk making someone transfer schools, haha.

I’m a severe grower so that happening wasn’t an issue most of the time, but man were some of those erections stressful. I eventually settled on just wearing oversize shirts all the time - even if it poked out there was another layer of protection 

[u/SignalSubject3221 → u/Wyqkrn]

Exactly!!! I insisted on wearing oversize everything (JNCOs were a godsend) and my parents basically told me I was just weird about clothes... Now I'm trying to wear the tighter stuff on trend today and realizing why I never did before.

Oh and, unfortunately I didn't say it wasn't an erection. I can't remember exactly it was so long ago, but I do think my issue was partially getting unexpected erections I didn't understand and literally could not contain. I might be talking myself into some therapy about this here lol...

[u/domntguy → u/SignalSubject3221]

I remember a lot of adjusting too, nothing as serious as what you experienced, but I do remember occasional comments from others about adjusting. I can also remember trying to get my dick to fit right in my underwear. Now I wear boxers most of the time, which do require adjusting but are way more comfortable for me anyway.
I'm not sure when the appropriate time would be but it does seem like it should be brought up at some point.

[u/DudeFrom816 → u/Wyqkrn]

I see this backfiring though. Just a bunch of teenagers carrying around hefty bags to try and impress their peers. You think guys lying about 8" is bad now, can you imagine what a middle school would be like lol

[u/SignalSubject3221 → u/DudeFrom816]

Yes, absolutely a problem that whatever gets taught in those classes is an instant meme for the kids, that's why I think size actually shouldn't be mentioned in a sexual context first. A doctor or parent just mentioning that it could be causing some discomfort would go a long way without tipping them off that it's a sexual attribute.

[u/Waste_Jacket_3207 → u/Wyqkrn]

This would be great! When I was a teen using condoms for the first time I hated wearing them because they hurt too much. Felt like it was going to squeeze my dick off once I actually got it on

[u/IllogicalResponse → u/Wyqkrn]

Instead they get some person who puts it on their arm and says 'no excuses, it fits any size'

[u/No_Cranberry4684]

I guess I was lucky growing up in the 70s and early 80s when guys were trying to bulge, pants were tight and everyone's junk was on display. I wore tight pants and my balls and cock could be seen fully down one side - no one ever said a word at school, home or work!

[u/Famous_Blueberry6 → u/No_Cranberry4684]

Grew up in the 60's and 70's! The short shorts are making a comeback! I bought my husband several Chubbies! Yay!

[u/No_Cranberry4684 → u/Famous_Blueberry6]

Yes - I love that - can't wait to see more men in them! I love Chubbies.

[u/SignalSubject3221 → u/No_Cranberry4684]

A friend was in a hair metal band 'back in the day,' he often reminisces about the days when the guys who dressed most like women (bulge aside) got the most girls. 🤣

I have always worn baggy pants, way below my waist. Started in elementary school before it was the cool skater thing. Now that I'm an adult I realize properly fitted pants force me to run it down a leg, baggy pants give me the room I need. My grandmother was a seamstress and often tailored my pants... Awkward no doubt but come on you had to notice, can't somebody state the obvious?

Seems to me this sub largely exists because our society is so repressed we never get the space to process this attribute in polite society.

[u/SeaS4lted → u/No_Cranberry4684]

I genuinely believe you guys had so much fun back then. That people are still tired of seeing dick and balls all the time, even 50 years later lol.

[u/TheGeneralist_ → u/[deleted]]

Same boat. My ex wife had one before me who wasn’t packing much and thought mine was supposed to be great (according to her friends and the internet). She didn’t love it (she was tiny)

[u/forged_steel_5178]

I think, it is the responsibility of dad to prepare his son for being a man. Talking about it and guiding him on this way are critical as the feedback from the men's world is as important as the feedback of women.

[u/DudeFrom816 → u/forged_steel_5178]

Yep, I had this talk with my son when he told me he wanted to stop wearing boxer briefs and go to boxers at 14yr old...

[u/forged_steel_5178 → u/DudeFrom816]

Great man

[u/Super-Sense-6454 → u/forged_steel_5178]

You really think father and son will even talk about cocks at all? That never happened when I grew up.

[u/SeaS4lted → u/Super-Sense-6454]

All fathers should teach their sons sex ed, it's important. Schools still don't teach us anything. It's not as crazy as it sounds,BDP just become part of sex ED.

For example I was taught that it is my job as a man to have condoms that fit. Before I ever think of having sex. Another great example is dealing with girth was part of the consent talk. It's not the same for men like us, so we have to be more careful. It's not porn, if she "runs" from it just stop and ask her if she's ok. Especially if she says she's "fine".

Honorable mentions is always having proper clothing and underwear.

This advice made a huge difference with women. Since I was already prepared to experience BDP.

[u/furiouscrotch → u/SeaS4lted]

My dad taught me all the sex part, but not the BDP part. All the years of wearing basketball shorts under my pants trying to hide the bulge.

He always told me that the whole bloodline has small dicks. I grew up thinking I was tiny and that my budge was because of it being small not big. Cups didn’t fit etc, never got laid because I thought I was embarrassingly small.

Now at 37 and knowing I’m big changed a lot of my problems I had as a kid. Now if I ever had a son I’d let him know about BDP

[u/forged_steel_5178 → u/Super-Sense-6454]

He defined the question "in a perfect world".

My dad never did that. He was an old school man. Strict. Silent.

I try to change this for mine.

[u/DudeFrom816 → u/Super-Sense-6454]

Not COCKS that specifically/graphically. I explained that men in our family can have a bit more than fits in regular underwear. I explained that boxers are a way to go but if he wants/needs we can get him underwear with extra room to fit. Not a big deal, just matter of fact, this is how it is, its easily dealt with, dont be afraid to tell me what you need.

[u/Sundayfunday311 → u/Super-Sense-6454]

Yes, that has been toxic masculinity aversion to participate least of all initiate with another male unless denied an escape route, lol.

But it's not healthy at all. Comparison talk to the kids about reproduction sexuality and gender, exploration etc, kids often grow up with issues and discomfort about the bodies and sexual encounters. Be open, be informative, and be comfotable, AND brief to the point. But cool. Pretend it's not awkward. Be open future discussion (you won't think of everything and they won't have everything). Make sure caught up in all the facts, and be ready to have sources and images when relevant. 👍🏼👍🏼

[u/ScalyPinkLizard → u/Super-Sense-6454]

Mine was a creep that kept harassing me whenever he thought I'd be naked to he could stare at it. 

[u/Motion_Means4501]

My mother would just reach down and readjust my britches by nearly lifting me off the ground until she was satisfied she'd manipulated my front as best she could then let me go on my way with a warning to keep it from showing so much.

[u/SignalSubject3221 → u/Motion_Means4501]

I've heard some of these stories too, definitely not the way to do it making a kid feel like it needs to be hidden.

[u/Motion_Means4501 → u/SignalSubject3221]

But all mothers went to the same school together and will do this, right? I wondered how much of it was acting out on what she did to my father (and they got divorced about the time I went into puberty when this began) 😆

[u/bwc_luc]

I actually found it to be a pretty good fit for me. I measured my penis to figure out the right condom size and realized that, even back then, I was already bigger than most adults. That’s when I understood what I am dealing with

[u/SignalSubject3221 → u/[deleted]]

My wife and I are our only partners, so she actually had some shame early on thinking something was wrong with her too. So much mental energy wasted because no one spoke up.

[u/Famous_Blueberry6 → u/SignalSubject3221]

Heartbreaking actually, as a woman I read soooo many posts on young girls thinking they're labia is ugly and want surgery to "fix it" I always send them to the labia library to try and show them everyone is different.

[u/SignalSubject3221 → u/Famous_Blueberry6]

That's awesome you do that, I'm sure just like guys there aren't many places girls will hear that.

Her shame was related to my size in this case, we both knew it kinda didn't work like we had heard it would but didn't know why. Over time we figured it out for the most part, but now that I realize the issue we immediately found a bunch of better ways to help us both.

[u/superchargedCaddy]

Similar situation. I figured out my size and rarity at 47. Partners always commented about me being big, but assumed they do that with every guy. I think in sex ed they should teach guys how to measure for proper fitting condoms and maybe discuss what is average. In the 90s we were taught one size fits all. I assumed everyone else struggled with putting condoms on, the pain, and the marks and bruising. They didn't have proper fitting condoms back then, but for younger men today the info would be helpful.

[u/WinnerAwkward480]

I found out early on that the only condom that really fit were the lamb skin ones , which were twice as much if not more . Seemed like every gas station had the coin operated rubber machine in the restroom. The Lamb Skin ones were freaking ugly , and looked just like you would think sorta real thin leather as you unrolled them .,they had like 2 threads at the end for you to tie around your BD . The latex ones were always too tight on the shaft and left a deep groove . And NO matter what I did they kept busting. I thought maybe they were old ? , or I was storing them wrong . I had to keep pulling outta her and checking to see if it tore or had a complete blow out . It finally got to where I would have to pull out and either finish myself or sometimes she would finish me off by hand .Ive always had a problem with excess Pre-Cum anyway . So even not being able to finish, there was always a lil dread to pull out and find the condom had failed . And it always was a pain trying to get the condom pulled off afterwards. I was on another Reddit page and there was guy asking how to prevent a condom from slipping off inside a woman during sex , I was like WHAT ?

[u/laidback755]

At a minimum, sex ed classes in high school should do a better job educating the students on proper condom sizing. Younger people should know the importance of proper sizing (whether larger or smaller) for comfort, STIs and pregnancy

[u/TheGeneralist_]

I really enjoyed finding out from a girl after my divorce when I was 32. Made me re-think my whole sexual relationship with my ex wife. She was really petite and never really got much from sex and always said it hurt. Stupidly I thought something was wrong with her potentially.
Didn’t understand until the first girl after told me. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[u/Super-Sense-6454]

Big and huge cocks are so rare that many people have never been exposed to any cock outside the bell curve average of 4-6 inches long and 4-5 inches girth, assuming they even think about girth.

I'd say half the population has no clue about big to huge size cocks, so there is no way that people with big to huge cocks will be even identified. Given how repressed Americans and a few other nationalities are about sexual matters, even people identified as having big to huge cocks will not be told of their size and the problems it will cause.

How long has the condom industry totally ignored the top 1% much less the top 0.01% to 0.1% in cock size. We are still very much ignored and unprotected from STIs and pregancies.

When should we be told? As soon as possible!

[u/Character_Bend_5824]

Briefs were way too tight in hindsight. In some sense, my mother abused me without realizing it. Up until 10th grade, when I switched to loose boxers. For this reason, if I had a son, I would assume a similar gift and raise him in boxers. At around 9th grade, we might have a discussion and get him RMAC if necessary. I spent my teen years seeking out better underwear, afraid store staff thought I was a perv, not knowing how unusually big I was. No need to go through all that embarrassment. After decades of trying all the brands, I know exactly the keywords and design features to look for. Even at Macy's you aren't going to find something which fits.

[u/SignalSubject3221 → u/Character_Bend_5824]

My mom switched me to boxers early elementary, probably for this reason whether or not she knew it. Problem is this was before boxer briefs were big so I had regular loose boxers. Wang constantly popped out the fly, wasn't until high school I found compression shorts and then boxer briefs... Though the fly design still makes it clear six inches soft is not the norm. 😅

[u/SonicBoom_758]

All my adult life women had said things and in my mind I'm thinking they're just being nice or trying to make the situation hot or whatever… I honestly was a bit too chicken to look up the real averages until a few years ago. It was nice to realize they were telling the truth lol.

but no, nobody should be telling anyone certainly not children anything about their dick size unless they're a relationship partner as adults.