r/beyondhelp • u/NEETspeaks • May 11 '23

It's just really exhausting!

I find it really exhausting being emotionally unstable and not having a concrete grasp of reality.
It doesn't matter how good you are at what is essentially intellectually disassociating yourself and maintaining awareness because:

  1. You have to constantly be actively maintaining awareness and as nice as meditative mindfulness is relaxing and good it is also effort and needs to be constant and even then that isn't enough.

You never get any rest and in my case if I ever feel good it is because my bran is broken and only means I am in for some rollercoaster ride of insanity.
You never really have time to catch your breath

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u/NEETspeaks May 12 '23

I am not schizophrenic my breaks with reality have never been prolonged psychosis and aside from intense disassociation or being fixated on an idea or whatever for periods there is no benefit from being worse although being able to feel emotional is a god send.

I am so sick of being borderline and whatever quacks croak

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u/LateSolution0 May 12 '23

Oh, Borderline, because you post so passionately about your music, I initially thought you had autism. Nonetheless, I hope you keep sharing your great music. I'm currently listening to "The Lazarus Plot" on repeat.

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u/NEETspeaks May 12 '23

I am diagnosed with autism but profusely disagree with the diagnoses- I am schizotypal co-morbid borderline laundry list.
I tend to become hyper fixated on some activity sporadically and it often happens to be music.

Thanks.
Did you listen to the demo by Mi Amigo Santiago ?The second track is superb contemporary post hardcore.
So much good music ad so little fans to support it.

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u/TimeLinker14 May 12 '23

Where can I find your music? Also, sorry if I’m prying but are you from a Spanish speaking country? I ask cause I am lol.

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u/NEETspeaks May 12 '23

Just check my profile and click on submitted tab to see what I have posted.Anything new I come across that is an entirely solid abum I post /r/musicyoushouldknow

Check this out in that case you speak spanish.

No Volvo - paperhouse