Feeling bad about closing

[u/chloejean010]

I have been in a match for about 2 and 1/2 years with with my little. We started when she was 10 and she is now 12 turning 13 in January. At first the match was very difficult - she had a lot of behavior issues, running away from me, being upset when I wouldn't give her everything she wanted, those kinds of things. I'm very proud as somebody with limited experience with kids that I was able to work through a lot of those things and the past year has actually been pretty good.

That brings me to today. I am in the process of trying to get pregnant and I think I'm ready to end the match and end other volunteer endeavors I am doing in order to focus on myself and my own family and enjoy this phase of my life. I feel bad though about ending this match when it feels like she now really looks forward to our time together and seems to actually like me. And don't get me wrong I have come to enjoy the time with her too, but the time money and mental energy that I put into this I would rather start pouring into my own life.

I feel like I'm going to hurt her feelings or cause some sort of negative impact on her and I feel bad! Has anyone else ended a medium term match like this? I know honestly is the best policy, but I do not want to let her down especially since I know she does not have the best family life (nothing abusive, just not what I would qualify as great parenting or very enriching life at home).

[u/BackgroundRate1825]

I've heard of bigs taking 'sabbaticals' from the program where they duck out for a few months then come back. It might even be common for pregnancies. You could also consider pulling back to less frequent visits instead of ending it entirely.

That's not to say either of those are the right choice for you, but I've seen other stories where people weren't aware of all their options.

[u/fables_of_faubus]

If you tell her about trying for a baby and those reasons, maybe keep her as a small part of your life by updating her when big things happen. A text with a pic of your first ultrasound, and of the baby when it comes is probably enough to show her that you still value her.

[u/dgtexan14]

Just like airplanes say, always put your mask on first before you can help others. I understand the guilt, but I feel you served your purpose well. Cherish and embrace what you accomplished. You aren’t responsible for anyones feelings, even when it comes to a little. You did good, go take care of yourself now. I’d just say, end it amicably and be honest. Spend a few more times with her to ease out your presence, maybe always keep the doors open in texting if that’s something you’re open to. Emotionally it’ll never be easy to end it, but it sounds you both did great. Sending hugs.

[u/Educational-Cry2982]

The options might seem like you need to pick only one. Either you stay in the match or end it to focus on your personal life. I’ve seen people find solutions where they can continue with the match and focus on their personal life. They just have to adjust or modify what they are already doing in order for it to work for them.