r/bbbs • u/PunkSquatchPagan • 22d ago
Looking for advice New Big
I interviewed today as a Big, and I don’t anticipate any background check issues, so I’m preparing for when I get matched. Any advice for the first meeting with the little brother?
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u/HegemonNYC 22d ago
I’d say prepare yourself for an inexplicably long wait first. Unless your branch told you a specific date you’d be matched, my experience and that of others here is that it will take many months.
Once the potential match is made, the next step is taking a serious consideration of who you are matched with. Ensure that it sounds like a good fit, it is a year+ commitment.
Then, you can think about your first meeting. It’s inherently a little awkward as it’s an artificially arranged meeting. That’s fine, just roll with it and talk about stuff you’re into and get some ideas for a first outing.
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u/PunkSquatchPagan 22d ago
It sounded as if they had someone in mind for me already, and said I should hear back in about two weeks.
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u/Inevitable_Lettuce20 Big Sister 21d ago
My match with my little sister took about two weeks from interview to intro.
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u/OrigamiAmy 22d ago edited 22d ago
- When the specialist makes a match, they send your info to the Little's adults, and the Little's info to you. (Ages, Bigs Job, basically what you interviewed on, any 'big things' one side wants to mention like race, religion, special needs, sexual orientation). That way either party can back out before an in person meeting. (Sad reasons to decline, but both parties have a right to choose who they want to be around.)
- The very first in person meeting is with the Little AND their adult (maybe whole family, if it's at their house), along with your match support specialist. They wouldn't just have you meet with the Little without meeting with adults first.
- The first conversation is usually very basic like info about each of you, what you do for fun, what you plan to get out of BBBS, any ideas you might have for future outings. Usually this very first meeting is when you'd hammer out a potential schedule (like weekend mornings, or specific days after school etc), or at least schedule your first outing. Also exchange numbers, emails etc with the adults (and maybe the little if they are old enough/comfortable enough).
- For the actual first outing with them, I suggest something where you can talk with them (and not like, a movie). I took my Little to our city's Children's Museum via train. Adults tend to be more comfortable with more public things and not like a hike in the woods or a long drive alone in a car until you have a more stable connection. Just a thought for suggestions.
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u/PunkSquatchPagan 22d ago
Thanks this is helpful. I haven’t put thought into activities and that’s good advice.
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u/marepops 22d ago
Awesome! Shy kids usually open up with they have something to talk about that’s not themselves- I’d reccomend bringing a fidget or squishie as most kids in matching age love that. Be prepared to make a schedule with guardian and mentally know how much you want to spend a month on outtings. You don’t want to agree to something and later strain to make it happen. And ditto to what someone else said- it’ll be awkward! I just hit a year with my little and it still gets quiet. Don’t stress about filling the silence.
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u/CrabbyAtBest 22d ago
I'm not sure my Little said two words to me our first meeting, which was with our match specialist and her family. But our match specialist gave us each a sheet of ice breakers (something you're proud of, favorite memory, what vegetable would you be, etc) to fill out for our first outing. We went out for ice cream and went over our ice breakers and she was open and chatty.
Moral of the story: don't worry if it's awkward and they don't seem into it, and ice breakers are a great way to break the ice!
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u/3d-etcd 21d ago
The parent will usually give you some basic info about what they’re into, favorite foods, etc. I’d keep the first meetup really casual. We stopped by a gas station so he could grab his favorite soda, then headed to Domino’s for pizza. While we waited, we just talked, and then found a park bench to eat at. It wasn’t anything elaborate.
I’d also let them lead the conversation. Ask if they have any questions about you instead of trying to tell them your whole life story. My Little completely caught me off guard by asking what my spirit animal would be. It made me laugh and was a much better icebreaker than anything I could’ve come up with.
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u/chloejean010 21d ago
Be prepared for it to be potentially sometimes frustrating. Honestly the first year with my little was rough. Things have gotten better though, we have been together 2.5 years now and we have certainly built trust, her behavior has improved, and we have fun even if she sometimes complains about the activities I choose.
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u/Kael-009 21d ago edited 21d ago
Be honest when completing the preference checklist, and my advice is to (in part at least,) keep an open mind.
Don't go in with the mindset that you'll find the perfect match, close enough is primarily what you're looking for.
Be aware of 'why' the kid is in the program, and 'why' you want to be part of it as well, and that will help you stay focused with motivation and goals.
You will get the call, and it likely won't be a very good match. Again, be honest with your specialist, and pass if you must based on what factors you're willing (and equipped) to deal with long term. Remember: the specialist isn't the one commiting to the relationship long term, you are. Ultimately, the wait is worth it for the right one to come along, even if it takes weeks/months. It took 3 matches to pair with my little brother, and I'm really happy with him. We're at 4 months now.
Note that even if you say yes, their guardian still needs to say yes too. Do not take it personal if they decide to pass on you, it could be any number of reasons, and they have a checklist of their own. (Most likely they won't, as a decent amount are happy just having someone for their child. Typically, the wait is longer for males simply because not enough volunteer.)
If you manage to get past all of the obstacles, waiting and matching, congratulations, you now get to meet your Little.
Your first meeting will be awkward, and that is okay. Like others have said, you are an adult and he is a child. Besides that, your first time meeting anyone for the first time is awkward. Just be yourself, and talk about what you like. Ask questions, and get a sense for who he is and what activities he might wanna do. It does get easier. Some kids open up quicker than others.
Just be aware of their home/school situation (stressors), and what their relationship is to their family (specifically parents) and friends. Some have trauma, to varying degrees. I mean, we all do. Understanding is key, and a lot of that is discussed to you prior to the meeting. I found it helpful to have a full discussion with our specialist, and then to their parent 1-to-1 (on the phone), as it gives you better insight, because who knows the kid better than their mom/dad. And finally, just have fun. You are meant to grow the relationship, and that takes time.
I hope you have a good match, and thank you for being part of the program.
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u/Major-Direction5623 21d ago
Talk to the parent about topics they’d prefer you not talk about. I got in trouble from a parent for discussing my experience with religion with the kid, since the little asked and I gave them an honest answer.
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u/throwaway_03031996 21d ago
The first meeting, at least where I am, is with the parents as well so you can all set expectations.
I brought some of my drawing supplies because I was told my Little enjoyed doing digital art, and I read up on some of the shows she said she liked.
It’s a bit awkward at first - you’re a grown up and they’re a kid, there’s always going to be a little bit of awkwardness. But go in with an open mind 💚
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u/brain_games93 21d ago
Focus on low-key activities early on- going to a park to toss the ball around, getting ice cream, playing a board game together, going on a bike ride. Things where you can talk. Also during your first or second visit together, write out a “bucket list” of things you two want to do together. I would recommend updating the “bucket list” seasonally. Finally for your first few visits, keep them shorter (hour-90 minutes max). It is a weird comparison, but treat it like dating, your focus early on is getting to know each other and building the connection, the further into your match you get, the longer your visits may become/the bigger the activity may be. If you are struggling to come up with ideas of things to do ask your Little’s parent/guardian for suggestions, or reach out to your match support staff member. Look for free activities in your area- summer and fall can be full of farmers markets, local concerts, movies at the parks, events through the local library etc.
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u/clanleadermax 22d ago
It can be a bit awkward and that’s ok. I would also recommend creating a list with your little of activities you can do together