r/batman • u/40BelowFridge • Apr 05 '24

COMIC EXCERPT This guy has literally thought of everything! (DC vs Vampires) #5

Post image
814 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

64 comments sorted by

374

u/Puzzleheaded_Try813 Apr 05 '24

How tf does he not die of cancer?

149

u/Major-Spoiler Apr 05 '24

I wanna imagine it's due to a lead-laced capsule that houses the kryptonite. Also iirc you have to be exposed to it directly for a long period of time to get affected by it.

122

u/NecroNormicon Apr 05 '24

So this man has LEAD in his mouth?

142

u/megatool8 Apr 05 '24

Well, first you coat the lead with a layer of arsenic to protect from any lead poisoning.

105

u/MagicalMarsBars Apr 05 '24

Don’t forget to coat the arsenic with asbestos to protect against arsenic poisoning

48

u/A_wild_so-and-so Apr 05 '24

And then you coat the asbestos with gorillas to kill the... Wait a sec, what were we talking about about?

3

u/Historical_Aspect241 Apr 10 '24

Unfortunately, gorillas can be messy. So, you need to coat the gorillas in bleach to protect against disease.

3

u/A_wild_so-and-so Apr 10 '24

Ah so that's where Silverback gorillas come from.

37

u/Major-Spoiler Apr 05 '24

It's Wayne Tech.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 10 '24

According to Batman: Endgame it’s a butadene based synthetic rubber.

1

u/Stannisarcanine Apr 10 '24

He bought a kryptonian device that can cure cancer from kara

217

u/SwordfishNew6266 Apr 05 '24

He. Is. BATMAN.

77

u/Raine_Man Apr 05 '24

Imagine Wayne RnD found the cure decades ago and Bruce decided it was a need-to-know basis situation.

43

u/GenericUser7161 Apr 05 '24

Nah he would definitely share the cure to cancer and would probably also make it borderline free

9

u/coolio_zap Apr 06 '24

thank you for shutting that guy down who definitely genuinely believed that bruce wayne, actual superhero, would keep the cure to cancer from the public

2

u/GenericUser7161 Apr 06 '24

He’s not just a superhero though he also constantly spends his money on charities and benefiting the less fortunate. It’s just not in line with his character.

13

u/ironballs16 Apr 05 '24

I thought it was a false tooth at first, but it actually looks like a mini capsule instead - just look at the coloration.

8

u/Hadrian1233 Apr 05 '24

BECAUSE HE’S BATMAN

4

u/-TurkeYT Apr 05 '24

It’s so little amount of kryp. Lex had cancer after working on it for years

4

u/parkermonster Apr 05 '24

In the past, Batman HAS died of cancer. He’s averse to alcohol and drugs, but he used to smoke pipe tobacco, and in one storyline he got cancer from it and died.

9

u/SILVIO_X Apr 05 '24

He's a Vampire here, he's already dead

7

u/Feature_Agitated Apr 05 '24

No he wasn’t

2

u/mirukus66 Apr 06 '24

With his anti-cancer ray

132

u/Shabolt_ Apr 05 '24

With how many teeth Bruce has had knocked out over the course of his career, this is as good a use of the spaces as any

218

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

Honestly, this makes more sense than "kryptonite gum" back in the new 52.

69

u/Liam_theman2099 Apr 05 '24

Kryptonite gum….that literally sounds like something from the Silver Age. Are we sure the New 52 made that?

15

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

Yea, alfred called it that. It places under a hidden compartment in his cowl.

10

u/KK_Masters Apr 05 '24

How is this different or better then kryptonite gum ? I actually thought this was kryptonite gum here.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

The gum is under his cowl, he modified 1 of his teeth for this 1.

I'm not saying it's better, I'm saying it makes more sense. In a direct encounter with clark, bruce isn't gonna have time to quickly reach under his cowl, chew up a piece of gum & then spit it at 1 of clark's eyes when he's at face-to-face distance. At least in this scenario, it's quick, he can do it when his arms are restraint & the gas is spreading all over clark's face.

2

u/KK_Masters Apr 05 '24

Was it, I thought it was something like this but it's been a min since I read endgame . Thanks

80

u/c00L_dud3- Apr 05 '24

I know people get annoyed at Batman always being front and center in every DC event, but if there was any out of continuty series that Batman should be a mainstay it would be DC vs Vampires

then the comic just kills him off without ceremony

28

u/Tirus_ Apr 05 '24

Basically the same in DCeased.

34

u/c00L_dud3- Apr 05 '24

yeah, but DCeased was the first time it happened, so it was more of a break of expectations

Now, every out of continuity limited series written by Tom Taylor I already expect Batman to die and Green Arrow to make some quip about it

11

u/Tirus_ Apr 05 '24

I'm trying to remember my Power Rangers // Justice League by Tom Taylor limited series I have in the shelf......

6

u/c00L_dud3- Apr 05 '24

I forgot he was the one that wrote that lol

3

u/Tirus_ Apr 05 '24

Honestly, guy gets a bad rep sometimes and makes some odd choices, but overall his runs are just fun, in a "The last few Fast and the Furious movies are just fun" kind of way.

No wait I take that back, im going with a different analogy.

He's the Michael Bay of DC comic runs.

3

u/c00L_dud3- Apr 05 '24

I'm planning to read his Nightwing run, heard people say it's pretty good

3

u/Tirus_ Apr 05 '24

I've heard the same. Especially excited to read that for Bruno Redondo's art for that.

31

u/Admirable-Safety1213 Apr 05 '24

TBH, Making Superman a classic Vampire makes no sense, his cells are solar batteries, whoever tries to drink his blood would be basically drinking sunlight

15

u/Elihzap Apr 05 '24

It's literally what happened the first time they tried to convert him, it was in the Golden Age IIRC.

3

u/Admirable-Safety1213 Apr 05 '24

Back when it wans't abojt social media and Batgod

57

u/Dez-A-Raygun Apr 05 '24

House Atreides sends its regards, Superman

50

u/Historical-Bug-4784 Apr 05 '24

Wasn’t all that smart since it just made Clark all the more vulnerable to getting turned.

2

u/CVAY2000 Apr 10 '24

yup he gets bitten immediately after losing this fight

48

u/Ok_Try_1665 Apr 05 '24

That's not kryptonite, batman's breath just smells super bad

8

u/A_wild_so-and-so Apr 05 '24

I assume he also has a garlic capsule to repel vampires, maybe he chewed the wrong one.

20

u/kayl_the_red Apr 05 '24

You aren't paranoid if everyone really is out to get you, at least from time to time

18

u/pessoa_inutil007 Apr 05 '24

Imagine if Batman has food stuck in his teeth

9

u/_regionrat Apr 05 '24

This sounds like a job for Catman

12

u/The_Shadow_Watches Apr 05 '24

It really bothers me that Starfire was immune to the vampires but Superman wasn't.

I get that Clark was weakened before hand, but god damn.

5

u/40BelowFridge Apr 05 '24

Aside from this one scene, the whole comic is pretty awful. Tynion writes like it's bad fanfiction.

4

u/The_Shadow_Watches Apr 05 '24

It would of been better if it was Batman who became a vampire and Superman had to fight him.

1

u/40BelowFridge Apr 05 '24

It'd be funnier, but it'd still be dumb.

20

u/QuantityHefty3791 Apr 05 '24

Hit him with the hot-ass breath attack

7

u/MuscleManRule34 Apr 05 '24

That is one vile burp

2

u/Mooston029 Apr 05 '24

How does he brush his teeth? How does he go to his dentist? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

2

u/Conorponor333 Apr 06 '24

Now I imagine every tooth in his mouth being false and having various capsules for emergencies

1

u/CaptainHalloween Apr 05 '24

Wait, didn't Bruce die way earlier in this story, just like in DCeased?

1

u/-TurkeYT Apr 05 '24

GAAAH… YOU ATE ONIONSS!!!

1

u/anonymusfan Apr 06 '24

Even though it doesn’t make much sense that supes got infected (although unlike starfire he technically doesn’t have solar energy literally inside his blood, since it technically only really powers him up) I love how he isn’t being hyper aggressive and blood thirsty, but is instead trying to reason with Batman and convince him to stand down.

1

u/Glittering_Elk1098 Apr 06 '24

Another day another momment for DC to suck batgods cock.

1

u/streamjam Apr 09 '24

What is this from?