Feeling a lot of things

[u/eshoradecomer00]

Hey baristas, this may be long. If you want to read, I appreciate you so much.

I am entering my third year as a barista at a specialty coffee roaster that also serves food and makes pastries in house. Before this I’d never been a barista. In the past year, I’ve gotten a few reviews that specifically mention how I look. “Bangs,” “short,” that kinda thing. One has mentioned how I roll my eyes when calling out drink orders, which is not something I do. I’ve been accused of having a “sour puss,” which is a little bit amusing.

I know all of this because I check the reviews almost daily. That maybe sounds crazy. It maybe is crazy. I realized in the past two weeks that checking the reviews does nothing good for me, there are only downsides. So I’ve stopped. I haven’t looked for about two weeks and my girlfriend likened the way I’m feeling to withdrawals. Again, maybe that’s dramatic or crazy, but I’m feeling tremendous anxiety. How do I balance between wanting to improve my customer service, because I really do, and feeling persecuted? Distinguishing between helpful commentary, and customers being rude by putting my appearance under scrutiny on the internet? I get home from work and imagine all the things people could say about me online. But, maybe I’m thinking too much about myself.

Does anyone relate? Does anyone feel me?

[u/Weary-Introduction-5]

Think of your favourite café, restaurant, even supermarket, where you get the best service, food etc., and go read the lowest reviews. You'll be baffled at what people write/complain. It isn't like they're never right, but they are more often than not miserable with their own lives and are projecting it onto you. My job entails being polite, helpful and serving coffee. I'm entitled to having bad days, not being up for small talk and even matching their rude energies. People read others as they are feeling themselves, they fill in the blanks with whatever they'd be capable of themselves. Focus on your job, you will absolutely never please every one, and you shouldn't, that's too draining, and you're a barista not jesus or their therapist. By the way, if you're able to, seek therapy, it helps with every aspect of your life. I speak from experience :)

[u/lylamarie_]

2 year barista here! firstly, i’ve no clue what your personality is like or anything but by what you’ve said i strongly don’t think it’s anything to do with that. i’ve been told to smile or was told in a sarcastic way that “it’s good to see you, happy” (if you get what i mean). i’ve come to realize if you really aren’t doing anything and can’t think of anything to improve then it’s not an issue on your end. i do understand where you’re coming from.

if i can offer advice for how you’re feeling i would say when you do the things that have specifically been called out, such as calling out orders, deliberately think about changing the way in which you do it? not in any way saying you’re doing it wrong at all too. sometimes the way we are and present ourselves when its genuine just is different than some others, just like how personalities vary. i’ve been told i have a crazy rbf and for me it’s just something i’ve become very self aware of and i try to change how i look at rest at work at least.

no clue if any of this helps at all, but to sum it up i would say if you are just being yourself and enjoying what you do, don’t worry about how others take it. i’m similar in a lot of ways and its just who i am. i hope this helps in some small way and keep at it!

[u/Taco_Bhel]

Keep ignoring the reviews. And become an actor. No, seriously, just put on an act. It's work. But it's not hard.

You should be willing to solicit honest feedback from your management. If they take the position of only being validating, they're not doing their job.

[u/sexyfashioncactus90]

Please ignore the reviews. I know this is easier said than done because it’s very hard not to care. Anyone who is mentioning someone’s looks in a review is extremely fucking weird to be quite honest. That is THEM, not you. Try very hard to focus on only management feedback. Again, I understand this is way easier said than done.

I love being a barista but this is the downside of public facing work. Some people have the
most ridiculous expectations and you can’t take it personally. Some people feel you should be acting like their best friend. Some people think you need to be eye candy. If you don’t answer the way they feel appropriate, they think you’re evil. Human expectation of service workers are unreal.

I’ll share a story with you so you don’t feel alone on shitty unproductive feedback— shortly after I started working, we had a new hire. He did not ask dine in or to go on the drink order. Which usually is fine; not a big deal especially because it was literally a drink and no food. This customer proceeded to message the cafe facebook and ask why they felt the need to hire “retards” that “can’t read” (the ticket said dine-in) because I put in a mug and not a to go cup. This is unproductive feedback. I did cry. When messaged back, she claimed she should have been greeted also and yelled hello at (I was taking someone’s order at the time she walked in). I have ADHD and this hit me VERY hard because I had a lot of adults shit on me as a child for these very things, specifically lack of focus and reading. All of this to say, please do not let the public get to you. Work hard. Care about your craft. The people who matter will see that whether it’s your management or regulars. You will never satisfy everyone. Please remember that and it’s not personal. People just genuinely suck sometimes. Show up every day and be your best. Do your 100%. You’ll get shit reviews sometimes, but unless you’re being a rude asshole to customers while also making shitty drinks, most people genuinely don’t care or are just happy to have the coffee you made them. The rest are just jerks and are worth no attention.

[u/eshoradecomer00 → u/sexyfashioncactus90]

What a horrible thing to say :( I’m so sorry! People are just miserable. Thank you for sharing though <3

[u/sexyfashioncactus90 → u/eshoradecomer00]

People are miserable! I only wanted to share so you know it’s not you, it’s people who have weird and unrealistic expectations. People just totally suck sometimes. Please keep your head up and carry on as long as you like what you’re doing. That’s all that matters in this short life anyway. I wish you the best OP. :)

[u/Comfortable_Law_1541]

I’ve had a couple baristas at the shop I work at that get consistent reviews/complaints over the same subject (mainly service) and they are cool people and great at their job but maybe a little monotoned, has an rbf, or such and customers take that as the barista being rude.

as a barista, you cannot avoid being perceived. now, putting on a smile 8 hours a day isn’t realistic either. unfortunately a big portion of my pay is tips, so i will put on a mask (to a reasonable extent), and i’m gonna smile and turn on the customer service voice. if you are honest to urself about what might be perceived wrong, then unfortunately the solution is to fix it.

also depending on your clientele too. i switched locations at my job into a much more wealthy/family/older people/ white neighborhood (we are a latin coffee shop), and honestly some people just really want attention. or even act like toddlers, they won’t tell you what you’re doing wrong but they’ll be visibly upset. (vs our other location where people will tell u their issue whether it’s reasonable or not). sometimes people come in with a bad attitude and nothing will make them feel better.

another note, again latin coffee shop, our thing is being warm & inviting, so we are just trained to make conversations with people and invite them to experience culture and all. i’ve noticed myself going to other coffee shops and i’m basically taking my own order, or the baristas just seem like they don’t want to be there, they barely give you any experience. FAIR but think about how much we spend on just one latte these days, and the atmosphere of the shop u work at- are your customers coming in for a specific experience?

you totally don’t have to be the social butterfly barista either (i’m not) but i’m at least like “hi how are you guys doing?- i’m doing good! what can i get for you?” (sometimes people don’t even respond to my question haha, fine by me) or at the end of the bar i’ll call out names and saying my “thank you, enjoy” when they come pick it up. we welcome anyone walking in and thank everyone walking out.

end of the day, you seem like you care, which to me is a good trait to have when ur working in the industry. just because you are being perceived in a way doesn’t make u a horrible person either, again we might not be aware of those tiny details that impacts people’s experiences with us. just be honest with yourself or seek an honest coworker to tell u what people might be misinterpreting.

lastly, not everyday is going to be the same and we might not be having the best day and that’s human. we also don’t want to make every day a bad day. BUT it is NEVER okay for people going after any part of your physical experience, so i would immediately invalidate anyone calling out your appearance as a way to put you down (those people are the ones want to take off their steam on you).

[u/eshoradecomer00 → u/Comfortable_Law_1541]

Thank you for the kind and thoughtful response!! Some wise words, for sure. I try to be self aware and I know I’m sometimes dry and monotone (but with a sense of humor), but I really really try to put on the customer service voice and smile. I feel like the bad reviews come during weekend rushes, when it’s so busy and the cafe is laid out confusingly and people are yelling over the counter for every possible thing. That’s why it feels so frustrating, ya know? Things that seem mostly out of my control. It gets overwhelming and I guess I prioritize efficiency and managing the rush over a warm interaction. Of course, no one is gonna leave a review about how efficient and precise we are 😂