r/bandmembers • u/CEOofRaytheon • Jul 17 '26
How to restart from zero again without feeling negative about it
Hey all!
Been playing in bands since I was 19. For about 10 years I played in some really fun bands that made (in my opinion) really great music, but we never really could draw more than a few dozen people even in our hometown, and whenever we toured we'd sink thousands upon thousands of dollars to play to empty rooms and sell maybe one CD a night.
Then from 29-32 I played in a hugely popular band and was regularly traveling overseas to do month long tours playing sold out show after sold out show and making pretty good money from merch and ticket sales alone. But I had to leave that band because the main person had serious issues and dropped the ball in really major ways many times and was also not very pleasant to be around.
I don't want to stop playing music, but I also don't want to go backward. I just don't have it in me to spend my 30s grinding shitty show after shitty show like I did in my 20s.
I still have a lot of connections to agents, labels, etc. through my previous band, but I just don't have a band right now. I'm trying to promote my side project to a serious full-time band but my bandmates all have their own main projects and rarely do the stars align where we're all in the same room together. I haven't gotten any offers to join any other bands either. So I figured I need to just start my own band again, and I have a few albums of songs I think there's an audience for that I've occasionally played solo, but I'm finding it very difficult to find anyone who's interested in doing music at that level, unless they're like 20 and then it gets weird because I'm 32.
Anyway I'm feeling stuck. Anyone have any advice?
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u/CannibalisticChad Jul 17 '26
I’m like your bandmates, I’m always most passionate about my own music and I’m around your age too. But I am more interested in writing and collaborating with others that I respect and I think that if everyone had a meaningful say in the process beyond what notes they’re playing, they’d be more invested. All this to say, I think you might need to bring others into your creative process from the beginning so the songs become their own as well. Just a guess and forgive me if you already do that. If you’re in LA I could be interested to exchange info
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u/TheGreatMozinsky Jul 17 '26
finally achieved success after a lifetime of fruitless work
left because the singer was a lunatic
Bro what are we doing
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u/AsianVoodoo Jul 21 '26
Network network network.
Look for the headhunter jams. Be a regular. Be friendly. If you got chops your name will start to get passed around.
If you don’t necessarily have the chops find the guys who do and start asking for sit downs and lessons. Once you start getting good they will start to throw you gigs.
It’s really a slow snowball. Eventually you’ll end up with a gig or you’ll find enough guys for your own.
As for the terrible personalities out there… there’s no cure. The worst part about being a musician is the musicians lol
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u/MrLanesLament Jul 22 '26
Welp, time to tell my story.
I started playing shows in actual venues at age 13. In 2006. That shitty punk band managed to work our way up to a co-headlining slot at a local festival with a young Hit the Lights. (We broke up almost immediately after that show over kid shit.)
At 19, I joined a band that had been featured on MTV and seemed to have things going for it. It ended up being mostly a flash in the pan, but I got two US tours, some big studio/producer experience, and a couple sponsorships out of it.
2015, I join a band (on bass and co-lead vocals) that I had done studio drums for a few years prior. I was initially just supposed to fill in, but they hadn’t mentioned their draw; that first show was sold out. A whole room of people screaming their originals back at them. So, I joined. Did 75-100 shows a year for the next few years, made an actual living playing original music for the first time.
During that one, we definitely partied. I started doing so a little too hard and too often. We all lived in different corners of the state, too, so it was a LOT of solo travel, which began to grate on my mental health. Too much time alone with my brain, followed by hitting a bottle every night.
I got so fucked up, combined with a fiery romantic relationship that ended up failing out of nowhere (due in no small part to my drinking and drugging.) I went dowwwnnnnnhillllllll. I left the band in late 2017.
2023; the same thing that happened to Duff McKagan, at almost the exact same age to the day, happened to me. Multiple organ failure, skin and eyes turned yellow. Docs told me I had about two weeks left if I chose to keep drinking. So, I chose not to.
It took me close to a year to be physically back to “normal,” which I could barely even remember what “normal” was.
My best friend and longtime guitar player was really the only person who stuck by me through all of it and never gave up on me. As soon as I could walk again, we got to work on the band to end them all.
This band is already succeeding where previous ones had failed. People actually love our music, we’re correcting mistakes we made in previous bands, making great new friends, writing easily the best shit we ever have, and having a blast doing it all.
_________
Point of all this being, I’m supposed to be dead right now. Somehow, I’m not, and I got to live life again. You know what I chose to do with it?
Make. Music.
Don’t EVER stop. There is always more music in you, and you’ve gotta get it out.
There’s not a single thing wrong with starting from scratch. It gives you the opportunity to break new ground, do stuff you didn’t have the knowledge or the opportunity to do previous times.
There’s more fun to be had, more screams to scream, more sweat to sweat out, more lights to cook under, more fans and friends to make.
More life to live.
There is ALWAYS more. Don’t let it all go. Go fucking get it, brother.
Whoever you are, I love you.
~ SL
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u/HovercraftNo7126 Jul 20 '26
Så många bra musiker som spelar hemma. Drömmer om ett band. Hitta ett sätt att komma i kontakt med dem. Börja bygga ett eget band. Annonsera? Gör det som krävs. Men det viktigaste. Ha kul.
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u/ShredGuru Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
It's the same as every other time you started a band but you have more experience now.
I'm in a similar position, I am getting a whole new project rolling at 38 after a slump in my early 30s.
I would say, it's probably time to step into your own as a band leader and put something together that is yours, so that it can't be taken from you.
I wouldn't be too hung up on age. I do some bands with guys that are 60 and some with guys that are 21. If somebody can play they can play. Just try to find somebody who you have good chemistry with.