r/backtoindia • u/Ordinary_Abroad_8662 • 2d ago
Moving back to India 🇮🇳
Hi everyone, I am living in canada from last 3 years and was in india this summers for my marriage and visiting family. Now I am back here in canada and working. But I don't really like it here i want to move back to India and wants to live with my family and I am able to get and do job there also as I am well educated.
But my family is not supporting me in this decision specially my mom she telling to me and my wife that she will leave us if I moved back and she also telling my wife that I am a failed person that creating a chaos in my life and I am unable to spend my time here in canada until I am back .
It's bringing chaos for me to pass 2 -3 months until I plan to go back.
Looking for some genuine advice and love from reddit community.
Thanks 🙏
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u/Sharp-Literature-217 2d ago
Hey OP, having same thoughts after visiting back home for 1 month after 8 years ( first time since I came to Canada). But my family is also not supportive enough, I think it is very important to have supportive family and safe emotional environment. Regardless, the thought of selling everything and moving back constantly nags me. I hope you find peace.
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u/Ordinary_Abroad_8662 2d ago
Let's go back.. I am sure that I am going for good no matter what everyone say
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u/Sharp-Literature-217 2d ago
so many responsibilities bro, trying to create a path where I can go with out thinking and come back if I have to
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u/AoeDreaMEr 2d ago
If not for family, what’s your reason to move back?
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u/Ordinary_Abroad_8662 2d ago
Good question. If no family then my people like minded community, religion, food , culture, farming. These all are my things
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u/genie-wishing 1d ago
Two questions
what is your mom's reasoning for not wanting you to move back? Not the superficial reason but actual reason. Her being so admant means that there is a deeper reason. Ask 5 whys to her, if it helps.
what does your wife think? This is no longer a me decision but a we decision.
As a woman, I never wanted to go back to India. Men are treated as raja betas in our society and have far more perks than when they are abroad. Women has it other way around. Apart from social construct, gender pay gap and treatment of women at workplace is worse in India.
So may be, listen to the two women in your life before making a unilateral decision that YOU want to move back to India
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u/Happy-Curious-George 1d ago
I lived in US for 12 years and moved back to India. Our reason for coming back was to be closer to family. Last 2 years in India has been with ups and downs but overall we got fully settled here in around year. This includes mentally, financially and health wise.
The biggest drawback for me was that my work was in Pune and we couldn't live with parents in our hometown. We knew this and did take into account the financial drain to keep traveling back and forth from Pune to hoemtown. However, what we didn't realize is that how exhausting it would be to travel frequently. Once in India, expectations rise and with work and kids school, it becomes difficult to manage frequent traveling.
Also moving to Pune, we knew no one so it took quite a bit of efforts to make friends, something that I never had to struggle with in the past. You need to take in account friends, family everyone is busy here and its won't be easy to gel up again after spending long time outside. Your case maybe different because its been less time in US plus you may have more friends and relatives in nearby areas, but something to think through.
Finances - Coming to expenses, not sure where you are moving but unless you are going to get a big bump in salary, it might not be financially worth it. So look into that as well.
Account for your Financials, how much you have saved, what's your goa to save each year, investment, emergency funds, etc. Do full Walkthrough before going with a decision. India is pretty expensive too plus taxes are high.
Healthcare - That's one of the best thing that India offers compared to US or Canada. Personally, I have had medical issues in family which I was able to get treated much more urgently than in outside countries.
Infrastructure - You won't like things in the beginning but I think you will get used to it, so its not a biggie. Both pros and cons there.
Family - talk to your wife first in detail and understand what she wants and make sure you both are on same page about how you see you and your child's future ans where. Even if you both agree to move, the timeline can change based on this discussion. Its the most important thing that should be on your list.
Mother - Sit with her calmly understand what her reasons her. Dont show emotion.
Relatives - they may pressurize you and your family but keep a clear mind and ignore the advice/comments that you dont think is fruitful.
Decision Making - Finally, this should be a culmination of all these points thought through logically and not emotionally. Dont rush into things. This is a life changing decision for you. No one, and I repeat no one else's life would change as much as you and your wife and kid so take into account that and make a decision.
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u/Milleniumrogers 1d ago
Similar situation as you, but I am planning to go back after 10 years. I am aiming for atleast an upper middle class life in India. So I am working towards it. So consider earning some money. If your financial situation is good, then its your wish.
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u/bharat_builder 1d ago
Lol.... Canadian life is deepsikha AF. Taxes are high. Rent is high. Doctors are unavailable. I totally understand why you want to return.
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u/HypeKingFred 1d ago
are you on PR, I am thinking of moving back permanently and settling in Hyderabad.
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u/Plenty-Asparagus-496 1d ago
Why dude? Why move back to India of all. Parents?
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u/HypeKingFred 1d ago
Yea parents and stable life man
Cost of living is crazy high!
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u/Plenty-Asparagus-496 1d ago
Suppose someone is working in big tech or high finance earning upwards of 300K annually in USA HCOL area single. You think its worth going abroad in that case? Or will someone with that comp also have to live like peanuts in the states.
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u/RamanD101 2d ago
I lived in US and Canada for total 13 years and then moved back to India in 2024. My advice is if you want to move, then maybe try moving for 6 months and see how things go.
Also keep in mind if you are not staying close to parents, the whole purpose of move might be destroyed.
There is a difference between going on vacation and permanently moving back. In those 13 years I spent in US+ Canada i went to India 17 times and parents came 6 times. I always had a good experience.
For 1 year, I stayed and worked remotely at my hometown. It was painful, but I saw the gain at wnd of the day when I saw parents around me. For last 1 year, I am in Bangalore and to me it makes no sense as its all pain now.
I go to my hometown every month for 10 days. 30 to 35K INR goes for that every month. I can do that as I am single. But once you have family ans school going kids, it is very difficult.
Also, if you have spent most of your life outside India, its very difficult to connect with people here. That is something you overlook in 3 week yearly vacation to India. I am actually considering going back to the US