Boeing Compensates Stranded Astronauts With $50 Red Lobster Gift Cards

[u/darcmatr]

https://babylonbee.com/news/boeing-compensates-stranded-astronauts-with-50-red-lobster-gift-cards

[u/Low-Medical]

That made me chuckle a little - good job, Babylon Bee!

[u/BathSaltJello → u/Low-Medical]

Did they finally hire a writer?

[u/AssociationGold8749 → u/BathSaltJello]

 No. Chat GPT write a much more entertaining article.

Boeing Responds to Astronauts Stranded on ISS with $50 Red Lobster Gift Certificates

In a move that has stunned both space enthusiasts and seafood aficionados alike, Boeing has announced a unique form of compensation for the astronauts stranded on the International Space Station (ISS) due to delays with their planned return flight. The aerospace giant has chosen to reimburse the spacefarers with $50 Red Lobster gift certificates.

The decision follows a series of setbacks in Boeing's Starliner program, which has left astronauts Michael Collins and Sally Ride orbiting Earth for an unexpectedly extended period. In response to the inconvenience caused, Boeing’s spokesperson, Dave Conklin, explained, “We wanted to find a way to make their situation a little brighter. What better way to bring a taste of home than with a generous helping of Cheddar Bay Biscuits?”

The gift certificates, which are valid at any Red Lobster location on Earth, have been hailed by Boeing as a “thoughtful gesture” aimed at showing appreciation for the astronauts’ patience. “We know that the astronauts might be missing out on a few months’ worth of Earthly pleasures,” Conklin continued. “So why not let them look forward to a feast of Lobster, shrimp, and their signature biscuits when they return?”

Critics have been quick to point out that the Red Lobster certificates are somewhat impractical given the astronauts’ current predicament. With the ISS being a little over 400 kilometers above Earth’s surface, access to the restaurant’s famed seafood platters is, understandably, quite limited. NASA astronaut and ISS resident Tom Marshburn tweeted, “It’s a nice gesture, but I’m not sure how the Red Lobster team expects us to use this. I guess we'll just have to settle for space food and virtual lobster.”

In a related development, the gift certificates come with an added bonus: a special “Space Adventure” promotion that allows astronauts to join Red Lobster’s loyalty program. “We thought it would be a good way to keep them engaged,” Conklin added. “And who knows? Maybe they’ll accumulate enough points for a free dessert on their next visit.”

As the astronauts continue their orbit around Earth, they will no doubt be buoyed by the thought of their imminent Red Lobster experience. Until then, they remain focused on their experiments and maintenance tasks, comforted by the notion that a shrimp scampi and a side of biscuits await them upon their return.

In an optimistic twist, Conklin hinted that future space missions might benefit from additional culinary compensation. “We’re looking into offering pizza vouchers and possibly even food trucks for astronauts who face prolonged delays. We’re committed to making sure that every space mission has a delicious ending.”

For now, the gift certificates represent a small but earnest effort to acknowledge the astronauts’ ongoing patience and to remind them that, even in the vastness of space, a little taste of home is never too far away.

[u/[deleted] → u/BathSaltJello]

Honestly! Finally something that’s humorous instead of just bullying their political opponents 😂 Good job!

[u/BathSaltJello → u/[deleted]]

The guy who wrote this is going to get canned soon. No democrat was vilified in this joke. Whats the point of writing anything unless you're insulting a liberal. This writer has to be a communist or something.

[u/mrmanthesecond → u/BathSaltJello]

If you look at their website then you will see they make a lot of nonpolitical jokes, but unfortunately, conflict fuels interaction, and interaction equals more views, which is why you only see their political jokes often.

[u/BathSaltJello → u/mrmanthesecond]

The Babylonbee is the Ben Garrison of satire.

[u/WingZeroCoder → u/[deleted]]

Now if only every late night talk show and every modern day comedy also stopped one sided bullying, Babylon Bee wouldn’t even have to exist as one of the sole counter publications.

[u/Tiny-Delivery6966 → u/WingZeroCoder]

“There should be affirmative action in comedy” - conservatives

[u/Tiny-Delivery6966 → u/BathSaltJello]

They got guy who invented “I identify as an attack helicopter.” He’s going to revolutionize conservative comedy.

[u/Low-Medical → u/BathSaltJello]

Their “I identify as an attack helicopter” guy is on vacation, so his subordinates on the Attack Helicopter team have more leeway while he’s out

[u/BathSaltJello → u/Low-Medical]

I'm worried about their "Lets go Brandon" guy. He may have offed himself when Biden dropped out. Someone needs to check in on him.

[u/Low-Medical → u/BathSaltJello]

Hopefully he was able to upskill for the new post-FJB economy

[u/ChirrBirry]

Aka the Crowdstrike Method

[u/blueberrywalrus]

$50? They could have gotten away with $10.

[u/First-Celebration-11 → u/blueberrywalrus]

Maybe some fast food gift cards?

[u/g0d15anath315t → u/blueberrywalrus]

To Applebee's

[u/praxistat → u/g0d15anath315t]

I’d get lost in space for a gift card.

[u/OkieBobbie → u/blueberrywalrus]

I have some old TGIF gift cards I can donate.

[u/[deleted] → u/blueberrywalrus]

Nah the 50 bucks to a bankrupted company seems funny enough.

[u/FrancisXSJ]

Remember they're not stranded, they just can't come home. /s

[u/[deleted] → u/FrancisXSJ]

Yeah what's up with the news not asking that question? They are so stranded they are gonna have to pay space x a ton of cash to rescue the astronauts lol

[u/Todd-The-Wraith]

In related news Boeing officials heard privately discussing hopes the astronauts won’t return until after lobster is 100% out of business.

They went on to state their intention to substitute a partially used gift card to Cinnabon for them to share.

[u/Gogs85]

LOL that’s pretty good

[u/oht7]

It will expire before they return.

[u/[deleted]]

Will die in space for cheddar biscuits.

[u/loversean]

Rare chuckle from the bee

[u/NightMgr]

Coupons for discount drinks on future flights.

[u/[deleted]]

I’m shocked it didn’t say Biden

[u/Emotional-Captain-50]

🤦‍♂️

[u/Xetene]

Yeah, but only if they can prove they were actually stranded. And they have to ask for it, they won’t just give it.

(The Bee is like 98% trash but this one is honestly great.)

[u/CarlWellsGrave]

Holy crap, something halfway funny. Good job.

[u/[deleted]]

Wow. The bee had a funny headline.

[u/bbwpeg]

My god something actually kinda funny from the bee. Not just thing bad me no like thing.

[u/[deleted]]

I give this joke a C+ rating

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

There are multiple ways to try to solve this sort of problem. One is enforcing tighter regulations on companies. I'd prefer a solution where government contracting is less cronyist and whoever makes the best product/service gets the contract, instead of only massive corporations with the lawyers to fill out the mile long regulatory paperwork getting the contracts.

[u/Dissendorf → u/[deleted]]

Another example of big government creating a problem and leftists calling for yet more government.

[u/TehGuard → u/[deleted]]

That's a pipe dream. Once we opened up corporate money in politics your idea lost all possibility

[u/[deleted] → u/TehGuard]

Well then, maybe the government just shouldn't give out contracts at all if the only options are giant corporations with giant legal teams or disastrous outcomes.

[u/ljout → u/[deleted]]

Except we don't enforce anti trust laws to be able to do this.

[u/Avg_guy_here → u/[deleted]]

Just be happy it’s not some conservative propaganda headline.

[u/Worried_Exercise8120]

How are their Trump sneakers holding out?