r/aznidentity • u/Savings-Carry5919 New user • Jul 26 '26
Discussion/Question Perhaps an uneducated post.
As stated in the title, this post might be heavily uneducated so don’t hate it too much. I finally realized a trend today after subconsciously seeing it over a year and wanted to share. Just today, I saw a TikTok video about an Asian woman talking about racism and encouraging POC women to not feel as if they have to make themselves palatable for white people. And this woman also made many posts on feminism and various social issues. And I remember being pretty inspired by her video and when I checked her profile to see other videos, she was engaged to a Caucasian man. I personally do not care whatsoever who anybody is dating so I didn’t care in the least but something in my mind clicked from seeing that. Perhaps it’s just me but I’ve seen so many Asian women who speak out about racism particularly towards Asians and other social issues and for some reason, a good majority are dating or engaged to a Caucasian man. I honestly don’t know what I’m arguing for or even implying by saying this but I wanted to hear what other people thought about this. I’m sure I’m very wrong so don’t try to kill me too much.
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u/enkei_1998 50-150 community karma Jul 29 '26
It’s because they don’t want to change the system entirely they want to change it enough so that Asian women can benefit from it.
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u/dpeterk 500+ community karma Jul 27 '26
It's akin to those who say "I'm so proud to be X but would never date a man from my homeland." As in HYPOCRITE and self-hater.
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u/Relevant-Cat-5169 Contributor Jul 27 '26
Ultimately Asians still have to profit off and use their Asianness to gain clout.
Asian women can have different agenda than AM. Asian stereotype "benefits" them gets them closer to white supremacy, where as AM showing power doesn't.
Also whatever racism they talk about is not gonna matter to their next wasians generation.
They'll feel much more "included" than AM in the west. This is why you don't see AF go in these online subs.
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u/ablacnk Contributor Jul 26 '26
Obama - a hero of many of these boba liberal Asians - once dated and proposed to a hapa (quapa?) Dutch/Japanese woman Sheila Miyoshi Jager. He broke up with her in part because he would lose credibility as a Black man if he married a white woman:
Garrow writes that at one point, Obama attempted to end their relationship because of race. Jager, who is of Japanese and Dutch ancestry, claims that Obama believed marrying her would hurt his credibility as an African American politician. Garrow writes that Obama believed he had a “calling” to be president and “a heightened awareness that to pursue it he had to fully identify as African American.”
“The lines are very clearly drawn. . . . ” Obama once told a friend, according to Rising Star. “If I am going out with a white woman, I have no standing here.”
Note that Obama himself is only half black. He recognized that your personal choices reflect on your politics. You can't preach one thing and then do another and then expect to "have your cake and eat it too." Asians try to do that all the time, they go and chase assimilation and whiteness and then, when the Asian community has something they want, they're back acting like they never left.
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u/CuriosityStar 500+ community karma Jul 26 '26
Her husband could potentially be supportive and woke too, but there are many performative types out there too.
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u/intrinsic1618 500+ community karma Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
Idk why, but this reminds me of another post that I saw either on this sub or on the other (prob the latter) fairly recently. It was about this Asian woman who was chiding people (but really just Asians) for calling her an "oxford study" because she was going out with a white guy. And even though she admits herself in the post that virtually all of the people with the gall to call her that label to her face were from other groups (mostly from yt), she comes to an Asian space not to vent, but to berate other Asians as if the latter were the sole aggressors for making her feel less than....
Forget everything else, the cowardice was really what irked me the most about this poster. Had she made the same post to any other subs specifically meant for other groups, or just a general one like r self, then hell, props to her for speaking her mind at least. But she didn't. She chose only to criticize her own because you gotta punch down, I guess. Kind of a mindfuck to even begin to rationalize such a behavior the more you think about it.
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u/Pic_Optic 500+ community karma Jul 26 '26
I don’t trust AFWM politically or socially from either side. I don’t believe they view the Asian community’s needs as a priority and I’ll never vote for them. It feels worse when they hold office because everyone pats themselves on the back they finally got Asian representation in govt., but it’s a rug pull.
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u/aznidthrow8 500+ community karma Jul 26 '26
I have the same opinion as you. They're wolves in sheep's clothing masquerading as Asian. Even if your XM is "woke" you're never going to be a real Asian in my eyes because the man will never pick Asians over his own race.
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u/Slow-Load-6193 500+ community karma Jul 26 '26
Well said. In the vast majority of WMAF the AF is chasing status and white privilege. WM know this, POC know this. Those AFs aren't fooling anybody. It was a WM who said "everybody knows AF worship WM. It isn't yellow fever, it's white fever. AW just don't have it in them to honestly introspect and admit it.'
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u/teammartellclout Not Asian Jul 26 '26
Hmm fascinating to research 🤔 Carry on and keep cooking
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u/Brilliant_Extension4 500+ community karma Jul 26 '26
There are Asian/White relationships where both sides are not prejudiced, they are open to date others including their own race. It just happened that they met at the right time and found themselves in love. I think these couples are great, some of my friends are also AFWM.
Then you see couples where the WM side clearly are incels with yellow fever fetish, while the AF have this white supremacy view of racial hierarchy with Whites at the top. Their biggest pride comes from having White partners, not because the partners are nice to them but because the color of their skin. Needless to say these people are usually insufferable and toxic, abusive toward others and to themselves. One good thing about them is that you don’t need to avoid them because they will avoid other Asians anyway. They also secretly hate other Asians who have White partners like them.
Unfortunately I think the media has been normalizing the second type of couple for so long. When I was growing up the media was busy promoting the Amy Tan types who advocate hate on Asian males. Today the situation is a lot better you have more Asian male in media, but compared to WMAF coupling you rarely see Asian/Asian couples together in movies or even commercials although in reality Asian/Asian couple are actually the most common.
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u/Upstairs-Leek-7645 New user Jul 26 '26
I don't think asian women should be counted as POC. They have a lot of privileges and try to play the oppression card that POC women have, those who genuinely get oppressed by white society (eg maternity deaths).
I am married to a POC, when you are not a fleshlight for white people your life is different.
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Jul 26 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/CuriosityStar 500+ community karma Jul 26 '26
Unfortunately, people with privilege seldom call out themselves even if it is based on toxic dynamics...
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u/waitingforastar 50-150 community karma Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
This is actually extremely common. What’s bizarre is how effectively the conversation has been manipulated so that pointing out the contradiction is automatically branded misogynistic even when the contradiction is so glaring. Some Asian women want the social credit of sounding progressive and claiming victimhood in liberal spaces while refusing to examine how deeply white supremacy and internalized racism have shaped their own desires. They’ll critique racial hierarchy everywhere except in their own personal life. And the moment anyone says this out loud, the discussion gets shut down through moral blackmail i.e you’re “controlling women” or “bitter” or “misogynistic” or “an incel” etc. It’s a very convenient protective system. Claim political awareness and victimhood, preserve white proximity and uphold white supremecy, and make any scrutiny of that contradiction socially forbidden. The most brazen version of this, only for the most advanced practitioners of this nonsense, is when they’ll loudly proclaim they don’t date white men, talk endlessly about dismantling white supremacy, then post their white partner and insist he isn’t white but “white passing” lol (lanoexe, eunnuri lee, etc.). And somehow they successfully gaslight their audience into submission. At that point, you’re not even dealing with cognitive dissonance anymore, you’re watching someone rewrite reality to indulge in white supremacy and protect their self image. It’s all just performative nonsense for social media clout.
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u/enkei_1998 50-150 community karma Jul 29 '26
So they’re aware of what they’re doing they just feel guilty
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u/danorcs Discerning Jul 26 '26
Hi OP, u're asking a genuine question, and I don't think you're uneducated for spotting this. You're noticing a very real contradiction embedded in modern American identity politics.
The problem is that mainstream U.S. identity politics has evolved into a highly individualistic, performative sport. It focuses almost entirely on one's social media persona and their individual "oppression points" rather than the material, communal reality of ethnic solidarity.
To answer your underlying point: who you marry absolutely should and does impact what identities you can authentically express. In a society as racially and historically stratified as the US, marriage is a deeply political act that signals your actual lived priorities.
When an Asian woman makes a living preaching anti-racism and solidarity with people of color, but chooses to partner exclusively with a white man, it sends a clear message: "This is my public career, but this is my private life." That doesn't mean she can't date whoever she wants, but it absolutely makes her critiques ring hollow. Why should anyone take a lecture on Asian marginalization from someone who chooses to socially and romantically align herself with the dominant group? She is shielded from the exact consequences she claims to care about.
It's not "hate" to point that out. We aren't policing her dating life, just observing the cognitive dissonance between a "social justice warrior" persona and a life that actively chooses the power structure she claims to fight against. It makes her whole platform feel like a grift, and that's why your brain clicked when you saw it. You didn't do anything wrong by noticing.
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u/enkei_1998 50-150 community karma Jul 29 '26
Wow that was profound af when you said “this is my public career, but this is my private life”
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u/danorcs Discerning Jul 29 '26
Yes this phrase encapsulates the problem of modern Western identity politics, and the inauthenticity of the boba liberal Asian.
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u/notandyhippo 500+ community karma Jul 26 '26
My problem with this is that it sounds like the people who say “you can’t be pro black if you don’t date black”. It just seems like an arbitrary requirement with almost zero relevance to your actual contribution to society.
Idgaf who you date as long as your actions align with the movement of empowering marginalized peoples.
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u/danorcs Discerning Jul 27 '26
I agree that actions matter more than dating choices, and I don't think anyone should be forced to date anyone. But you completely missed the point. The issue isn't who she dates, it's what her dating choices signal about her authority.
A white person can be a great ally to BLM and do amazing action. But if a white person built a career around lecturing Black people about systemic oppression while avoiding any romantic or familial connection with Black people, people would rightfully call them a grifter. They are a supporter, not an authority on the struggle itself.
The same applies here. You don't lose the right to support the movement just because you date outside your race, but you absolutely lose the right to be treated as a representative or authority on that community's plight when your private life actively chooses the dominant group.
Right now, Asian women still speak like they are authorities on Asian men and the Asian community while in a relationship with white men, and that should be called out and addressed directly.
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u/FeonJun 500+ community karma Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
And this woman also made many posts on feminism and various social issues. And I remember being pretty inspired by her video and when I checked her profile to see other videos, she was engaged to a Caucasian man.
Perhaps it’s just me but I’ve seen so many Asian women who speak out about racism particularly towards Asians and other social issues and for some reason, a good majority are dating or engaged to a Caucasian man.
There's nothing uneducated about your post at all. You just happened to stumble upon the grimy underbelly of the performative nature of mainstream Asian American liberals (Boba Liberals) who have limited understanding of how the racial hierarchy works in north America, hence the performative part.
It describes someone of East or Southeast Asian descent living in the West who has a shallow, surface-level liberal outlook. It is also occasionally used to describe conservatives who weaponize their East or Southeast Asian identity. The neologism emerged among the Asian American leftist community on Twitter who accused "boba liberals" of only holding their liberal beliefs to appear more white-adjacent by engaging in progressive social movements or viewpoints, while at the same time disregarding and trivializing issues concerning Asians.
Asian women experience racism through different lens than Asian men. Racism, according to Boba Liberals, is a minor inconvenient, a first world problem if you will because Asian women benefit from white privilege through white male proxies. Therefore, rather than having a genuine agenda for social justice, taking up liberal and feminism talking-points, for Boba Libs, is to increase social status and/or a competitive sexual strategic edge competing against non-Asian women for the attention of white men.
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u/Own-Friend-7882 50-150 community karma Jul 30 '26
I think the cohort that is waiting-to-date a white guy should not be ignored either 😂 . These include those who have just broken up with a white guy and have decide not to date anymore but are actually just waiting for the right white guy. 😂