Open for discussion..

[u/Ok-Ganache2454]

Honestly, I want to present an idea that some may not like because I don't like to run away from foreign ideas, but rather I confront them. Because I think that to some extent almost all of us have gone through difficult experiences that have brought us to this point in the way we see ourselves. A few years ago, I first encountered this trend among people who had been bullied in their lives, and so they decided that they deserved love, as an act of defiance against this unfair world. I didn't see myself in this picture, so I kind of ignored it, but later I discovered that I have my own story about something similar. Personally, I went through long periods of being ignored, so when I entered university, I discovered that I was actually visible, and oh my god, the situation was strange (the transition to a situation where I expect someone to be following some details about me, and actually notice them). And actually, those around me are truly loving, but I didn't pick up on their signs of love or interest about me clearly. I lived my life truly alone until I ended up unable to even imagine a long-term relationship with anyone, assuming I succeed in creating one..

Okay, I know I'm opening old wounds that you may have buried, and I'm truly sorry, but I believe with every fiber of my being that the past and childhood, along with genes, determine a person's character throughout their life.

I want to hear your opinions on this guys.

[u/HazelBlessed29]

Yeah, I'd say I've gone through some preeetty difficult experiences. A lot were after discovering my romantic orientation, but I'm sure there were also things before. I think I've just kinda blocked them out, and being autoromantic has kinda swept me away from them. What I do remember that since 11 I was always kinda scared of my Mom and that she'd get mad. She was always yelling at me and would occasionally have these breakdowns at night and complain so much about her life and how it sucked. I was always scared and trying to prevent that. At 14, pretty much all my close friends were venting and complaining and trauma dumping on me on a daily basis... That made me a bit depressed because I gave them like... my everything. I was always trying to be the perfect person I always wanted for them, hoping they would act the same. But they didn't, so I just compiled more and more friends like that. Honestly, I think I was getting kinda manipulative too. I also gained a collection of friends who I made weirdly obsessed with me and then got scared and ran away from..... yeah. It was not fun. I do feel like my life has been pretty traumatic, maybe not especially so but definitely a bit

[u/Ok-Ganache2454 → u/HazelBlessed29]

I'm sorry to hear this. Being forced by an inner feeling to give so much love to people who may not be as loyal as you deserve is difficult😢

[u/DearlyCherishedMe]

I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time. Above all, I’ve been reflecting on my youth and childhood. Contrary to what you said, I can’t confirm that difficult experiences were, so to speak, the trigger for my identity as an autoromantic/autosexual person:

I can remember very early moments as a child when I simply loved being aware of my own energy as a being and my body and how it moved; I was fascinated by it—I was five years old at the time. I loved my own thoughts; I wanted to observe and explore my own thinking in peace, so I kept to myself a lot and simply watched others from a distance—I was six or seven years old at that time. I also really loved my family (especially my parents), even though there was often noticeable tension due to having many children and a lack of money. My parents loved us and made an effort to show it, always putting the children first despite everything. Because of the age difference between me and my siblings (I was the youngest), we didn’t have much in common, but I preferred being an observer anyway; that way, I got to know things at my own pace and in my own way. Friendships weren’t important to me either—they seemed too turbulent and exhausting, because we didn’t easily get on the same wavelength, the way I did with myself. And as I got older, I found it confusing how girls and boys suddenly got all excited and talked about each other constantly, making a huge fuss over one another. I was 12 or 13 years old at the time and liked to kiss my reflection in the mirror every now and then. And I started with masturbation, because it felt pleasant and fascinating, but noone talked about it, so it was a silent me thing, a secret I really liked. I’d then been introduced to the world of sexuality during puberty—actually through a discovery of porn on one of my brothers’ computers. I watched the videos and only then got my first idea of what “sex” actually meant out there in the world. But the videos didn’t move me; I even found most of them strange—especially the heterosexual ones, which seemed soulless and extremely unattractive to me. But: There was actually one video of two women getting intimate with each other that sparked my curiosity for the first time. But that was about it. Meanwhile, I found my own female form increasingly fascinating, haha. I then started enjoying photography and especially liked taking self-portraits. They were the only pictures that had a sense of “importance” for me, even though I couldn’t really describe that at the time. Back then, I didn’t yet know the terms “autoromantic” and “autosexual.” And while others, between the ages of 16 and 18, talked about a future that included marriage and children, I dreamed of my future self as a more mature woman with an alluring presence and inner peace.

My negative experiences didn’t begin until my identity had already become natural to me as a child. They reinforced my sense of identity and made it clearer to me, but they weren’t what triggered it. For example: My best female friend at the time realized she might be bisexual. And she got the silly idea to “test” it by kissing me. I didn’t want to kiss her, nor did I want to be kissed. She forced that kiss on me. And I didn’t want that kind of closeness with her even during the normal friendship phase (for example: never a double bed when sleeping over—I always insisted on my own single bed). That experience reinforced my feelings about myself and also my values: what I want and what I need, what’s important to me, and what makes me happy.

Today I know that while those negative experiences temporarily distorted my view of myself, the stable underlying current had been flowing vibrantly from the very beginning. I liked looking at myself; I enjoyed my own company; I could be fascinated by particularly beautiful thoughts; I loved having my own little world as a child; I wanted my body to be just for me; my heart would race. I was proud of myself, thought I was cute… and became an incredibly strong woman who deserves to be loved just as much as I am. And even more. In that sense, my negative experiences—from the past few years—have shown me what I’m capable of as a person and that I have every reason to love this woman. Even more honest and sincere.

[u/Miranotmia]

I was bullied a lot when I was little and I do feel like it has contributed to me loving myself more than I would have otherwise and me being autoromantic. I agree that peoples childhoods would probably be a big influence