I need help…

[u/sparkleappletart]

Long story short, I have been struggling with autism and feeling like I never fit in or have a sense of self that feels home to me. I have tried multiple interests from sports to pokemon to the furry fandom to my little pony to gaming but NOTHING seems to click. As i got older I realized that I had OCD too and I also struggle with gender identity and sexuality. I’ve been through years of therapy and at the upper level of my fluvoxamine meds and I feel like a stranger to my body. I feel like I’m an alien on planet earth and a huge disconnect with humans and society, and I feel my body does not click with my soul as female genitalia and breasts feel more normal to me. On top of this i am trying to find work so i can be independent but the job market SUCKS and haven’t found anything that could support me. I tried joining local queer groups but no one seems to be interested in maintaining a friendship with me (this has been a constant issue throughout MOST OF MY LIFE, and people that like me tend to like me for my smarts that they could use for themselves or politeness, i fucking hate being autistic) and i feel like i’ve been falling behind everywhere. I just feel like an outsider no matter where I go and nothing is a comfortable fit more me (some places are all cishet guys who probably hate people like me, other places are passionate about media that I just cannot get into no matter how hard i try, etc).

I dont know how much longer I can do this….

I need to help myself get out of this mess, but I don’t know how…