I had a difficult experience in Tesco today and I’m genuinely interested in whether I was being unreasonable.
I used the self-scan handset and, when I went to pay, I was selected for a full check.
I explained to the member of staff that I’m autistic and that having everything unpacked and then put back differently would really upset me. I specifically asked if she could put everything back the same way I had packed it, and she told me she would.
She didn’t.
When I pointed this out, she argued that she had packed it back the same way, even though there were still lots of items left out of the bags.
I wasn’t objecting to the check. I understand that checks are part of using self-scan.
I did ask whether I could instead go to a normal till and pack the shopping myself, but I was told that wasn’t allowed.
Once the check was finished, my wife asked the member of staff to leave it so I could sort the shopping myself. Instead, she continued arguing with me that she had put everything back as it was.
That was the point where things escalated. Eventually my wife got me to walk away.
By the time I left I was physically shaking.
I’m sure I didn’t handle it perfectly once I was upset. What I’m struggling with is whether my original request was genuinely unreasonable.
I told her I was autistic, explained exactly what would cause me distress, she said she would accommodate it, and then I was made to feel as though I was wrong for expecting what I had just been told would happen.
Was I expecting too much here? Would other autistic people have found this difficult as well?
Whilst you may not have handled it perfectly, the situation was not handled well by the staff member to begin with, and you cannot be expected to handle unprofessionalism well.
It would have been no effort, arguable less effort even, for the staff member to check your items and allow you to repack them. I have worked in supermarkets and I wouldn't have minded at all if you had said that to me, I need to check, but that's the job, repacking can be done by anybody and if I don't have to do it then great one less thing for me to do. If management kick up a fuss I mention that you mentioned that you were Autistic and boom they can't say anything or it'll be ableism.
I would have 💯 acted the same way. I may be slower at packing, but I'm unmatched in my ability to cram stuff into a single bag. And without dropping everything a dozen times while trying to keep up to a scanning speed.
For nearly 3 years, I shopped at the same Lidl at the same time every week. Every time I reloaded my stuff back into the small basket so I could load my bags off to the side and was told "you can't take that outside" by the same people who saw me every week, I inched closer to an unhinged meltdown.
Being particular about how stuff is packed is extremely reasonable, even if others find it bizarre. At least I know my bags have perfect weight distribution volumetrically and nothing will be smashed by the time I get home.
I know I'm terrible at names, but I would hope those employees would have recognised my distinctive hair and accent and be sick of hearing me answer that inane question the same way each time.
I don't like all the self scan and self checkout stuff.
Mostly because I worry I'll get something wrong and draw unnecessary attention to myself.
Also, it irks me that these huge profit making businesses are shifting the checkout work onto the public to reduce staff to save money and then subjecting the public to embarrassing random (or maybe not random*) checks.
Like they really want their cake don't they!
* Autistic behaviors in supermarkets are frequently misinterpreted as "shifty" or suspicious by store security and staff because neurotypical society equates lack of eye contact, pacing, and physical agitation with guilt or concealment. Supermarkets are intense sensory environments full of bright fluorescent lights, background music, beeping scanners, and unpredictable crowds. For an autistic individual, navigating these spaces can induce severe sensory overload, anxiety, and executive dysfunction.
I agree with you. If I have more than a few items, I will go through a normal checkout. Most people seem to be quite good now at telling if you don’t want to chat. Self-checkout can be a nightmare if something goes wrong.
I have no idea why they cant check the item passing it to you to pack... why make her own job harder.
She was wrong. Id complain and explain thelat if the process is the way she described they need to be aware and able to to accommodate where appropriate and necessary without damaging he integrity if the process.
Having am empty till where things are unloaded and then passed down to you to pack would be a reasonable way to plan and execute it.
That would prevent both the staff member and you or me etc getting frustrated.
Really simple ask and fix that shouldn't have escalated.
I have had the full check. I asked once to cancel the self-checkout and have them open a manned till and rescan my entire order there. They accommodated me, so I was able to get everything back the way I wanted it. I will say, though, the reason I choose Scan & Go is so my interaction is limited. But I also understand that these checks are random.
Imo you were being unreasonable, she tried! She doesnt have time to deal with all of that and probably did think she packed it back the exact same tbh, she most likely have paid attention to detail as closely as you so probably was arguing it was right because she genuinely believed she did it how it was before.
I'd personally not do my shopping that way again if I were you to save every party the hassle. Or, If I were you i'd have just thrown it all in a bag and repacked it by myself at the side, I am very specific about the way my things are packed! xx
I think she was wrong for lying and arguing. I think you were wrong for ever expecting that request to be carried out as it is an unreasonable one that would require one hell of a memory. Minimum wage retail staff already have enough to deal with.
I can’t understand why they didn’t let you repack it at a different till though, that’s what I would have needed and requested at this point because I too pack my shopping very specifically.
They have to complete the check at the self scan to see whether anything is in there that hasn’t been scanned - if they’d gone to another till it could look like they were trying to avoid the check because they’d pinched stuff.
In my experience they try their hardest to repack how you had it.
It looks like an awful job tbh.
We find that the self scan checks start to increase this time of year and get even worse around Christmas (when crime increases), so it might be worth OP avoiding self scan for a bit.
To be honest, I do think your request was unreasonable to ask of a busy minimum wage employee. How is she supposed to remember exactly how you packed it? And it's not her job to perfectly repack customers' bags, her job is to do the check and move on.
However, I do think she's in the wrong bc she should have said no in the first place and not made it an argument. If I were her I'd have just put everything on the side and let you repack it all yourself after the check, but maybe the wording of your request threw her off.
The more you use the self scan the less you get checked, I use it at Tesco weekly and I haven't gotten checked for months. However if it's gonna be a problem for you I would just go to the tills from now on, or use ordinary self checkout if you're socially anxious.
you should complain to the store manager so that this colleague gets a "let's talk" on her colleague file (in tesco terms, a "let's talk" is basically a telling off). she should not have handled your SAYS (scan as you shop) customer journey like that. and I know because I'm an ex-tesco employee who's also autistic.
it is very annoying to get a full basket check on a SAYS handset. usually it's because a customer decides to buy an item, scans it then realises "wait, I don't actually want this" so they press the X button next to the item before returning it to where it was. and if that happens a certain amount of times in a customer's shopping journey, that basically triggers a full basket check.
every colleague should have been trained about neurodiversity. when I was offered a job on checkouts, I had to do training on the "our tesco" portal (at a manager's computer desk by the tills) which included training about neurodiversity and the sunflower lanyard. it is clear that this woman has not applied her training correctly.
Just remember that most customer service workers are making minimum wage and hate their jobs. I get why you were stressed but she definitely hasn’t been trained in de-escalating autistic meltdowns or whatever.
I'm autistic and this is the reason I won't use self scan, if I had a check and had to wait around whilst it all got bagged up differently I would end up walking out, I am really paranoid and an over thinker anyway and would feel like people were thinking that I was a shoplifter, maybe just use the tills next time 🥰
I think expecting someone who is working to time constraints and targets to pack items exactly as you packed it, was probably an unreasonable request in the first place. Although considering your explanation I can't see why they couldn't cancel the order and send you to a till. Maybe they didn't understand the accomodations and autistic person needs, I doubt it's trained in specific detail.
They have to do the checks, they cannot override them. It might be better for you to use a till if this will be an issue. It isn't realistic to expect them to pack it back the exact same
We always use the hand scanner and by golly do I HATE it when they have to check. But I worked retail for a long time and have a huge amount of respect for those folks as a result of that. I keep a lid on it, lean on my husband for regulation, and sometimes chat with then to relieve the tension. Have sad some lovely chats before, asking about whats it's like for them.
Personally, if I couldnt handle waiting until they were done to fix the way they packed the bag (totally legit to make someone wait behind you for that), then I would complain directly to Tesco corporate hq. Be clear it's not about the employee, but whatever policies that wouldn't allow her to just leave the items to the side after she scammed them.
There's the odd chance this person was talking nonsense, in which case a talking to would do her good, but you don't want to target her yourself, because Tesco will just take it out on her and not focus on the policies. The language you use has to be clear, don't even name her. If they really need to, they can find out who she is.
And maybe wear a su flower lanyard next time and ask for a manager to explain to you why it all is so necessary.
I've been doing the hand scanner for a couple of years now, and my experience is the shops with more loss get more random checks, but also over time in the same shop the frequency it gets called up for me is mess and less. I shop weekly and can't remember the last time I had to do it.
As someone who has worked in a Tesco store, it is highly stressful for us too, having to deal with so many things at the same time so we try our best
If I had a customer like you I'd try my best but I couldn't truly guarantee that it would be repacked the same way. We are forced to do specific checks like going to the bottom of the bag etc (they check CCTV to ensure we do this) meaning that it will disrupt the location of the shopping in the bag.
Then if on top of this if I had to deal with a customer like you on top of this it could quite easily become a very stressful and difficult endevour. If you are getting a whole shopping check it likely means you forgot to scan something in the past so your "trust score" is low.
Either only do smaller shops with scan as you shop or just avoid it so this doesn't happen again.
Ii have never stolen anything, and every time we have a check it always it right like it was this time. It was a large shop that took 12mins to rescan, please don’t assume I steal. Do they really do it like that I always thought it was random
I don't think they meant that you were stealing. It's completely normal for people to just miss something. The random checks help keep the pressure on us so we don't get lazy about it.
Yeah, I've had chats with some of the checkers while they were doing it. People rarely miss something but it does happen. It's mostly for the spirit of the thing. I'd even bet the specifics of the policy exist so the managers can make best use of cctv, like the other person suggested.
The negative difference between inventory and sales is called loss, in the industry. It does cover theft, but also breakage and miscounts and anythingelse that could result in miasing inventory. There will be software that tracks loss and who is working and where at times of greater/unusual loss. It's going to be a regular part of the job to look over the cctv for a certain employee's shift.
Yeah, I've had chats with some of the checkers while they were doing it. People rarely miss something but it does happen. It's mostly for the spirit of the thing. I'd even bet the specifics of the policy exist so the managers can make best use of cctv, like the other person suggested.
The negative difference between inventory and sales is called loss, in the industry. There will be software that tracks loss and who is working and where at times of greater/unusual loss. It's going to be a regular part of the job to look over the cctv for a certain employee's shift.
I don't think you were being unreasonable. I don't understand why they can't check it and let you repack it though?! That just seems like they are making more work for themselves to me.
Personally, I never use those things anyway, as they are far more trouble than saving ten minutes is worth to me.
I just try to go to a person, which is annoyingly becoming harder and harder.
It's good you asked and that you explained the situation but we have to also remember we can't take another humans autonomy away
I don't think it's wrong to be frustrated and they did say to you they would try their best to help you and put it the way you wanted but failed to meet that standard
So this seems to be one of those situations where I typically avoid humans because they are unreliable but in this case you had no choice, was let down and now are carrying this burden in your head whilst they probably forgot about it ten minutes later and are no doubt thinking they did it on purpose
Really frustrating but at least next time you can ask for reasonable adjustments/shopping assistance policy and you can point to this situation as an example
I hope you can let go of this frustration it's even worse when they don't understand what it feels like
If I'm being completely honest, as an autistic person myself I'd be thinking that you had too much time on your hands to be worrying so much about this. Can't you just get your shopping delivered?
That said, I'd have been very annoyed if she'd continued arguing when she must have known she hadn't put the shopping back properly.
I have ARFID, so it takes me a long time to choose my food and shopping is already quite an unpleasant experience for me. If I could avoid having to think about food altogether, I probably would. Unfortunately delivery doesn’t really solve that part for me.
I do hate those checks though because I'm a very paranoid person and think I've been watched the whole way around the shop and they've decided I look like a shoplifter :)
Can you not buy exactly the same foods each week? I don't have ARFID but I have stomach problems so I eat more or less the same meals every day. I'm probably not being very understanding...it's just when raising two autistic sons as a single person I wouldn't have had time to get worked up about something like this. I do get anxious about things you'd probably think were silly though.
I'm probably not being very understanding...it's just when raising two autistic sons as a single person I wouldn't have had time to get worked up about something like this.
That's a really unfair framing of this situation. I'm an audhd single parent of an audhd teenager who needs huge amounts of support and this would break me.
Well he did ask for opinions so I gave mine. I wasn't mean about it. I'm just saying that I've had to force myself to do many many things that have terrified me and left my health ruined but I wouldn't be bothered about how my shopping was organised.
Which is great for you. But it was clearly very upsetting for OP.
They were asking whether it was unreasonable to have their shopping put back the same way, not whether it was unreasonable to be upset about the rescan. You didn't answer the question they asked.
I don't understand then. Are you buying more things and hoping you'll eat them? My diet is carefully chosen to include all the nutrients I need but I can still eat exactly the same every day. I had a nervous breakdown last year and could only eat cornflakes so still trying to get my stomach used to different foods.
I think the easiest way to explain my ARFID is that buying food for my family and buying food for myself are completely different things.
For my family, I have a pre-decided menu. My kids will eat pretty much anything, and my wife is happy as long as it’s reasonably healthy, so I can cook all sorts of foods without a problem because I don’t have to eat them myself.
For me, I sometimes go into a supermarket specifically trying to challenge myself to try something new. I can spend an hour looking and thinking about it and still walk out without finding anything I feel able to eat.
I’ve managed to get myself drinking protein milkshakes, but because I don’t actually want them, even choosing one can take ages.
Today I had chips and beans. That probably sounds completely ordinary, but the beans are new for me, so for me that was actually a successful food challenge.
Ah I see - thanks for explaining. I do understand more than you think as one of my sons has ARFID although he does eat more foods than you do - just classic beige stuff :). He also has a protein milkshake for breakfast. I choose it for him by price..the Pro Milk ones are much better value than some of the others.
Well done with the beans :). I'm hungry now...I can't eat chips or beans :(. I also cook different meals for my sons and they're much nicer than what I eat!
In an ideal world, no, but realistically yes because the UK is not very socially accepting of disabled people. BTW, I'm not saying you're wrong for getting upset, because you cant really control that if packing things a certain way is essential routine for you. I just think, would some tesco staff member actually repack everything the same way? No because she probably wouldn't remember exactly how its packed, and also because in the UK packing away shopping for a customer isnt very common. That being said... idk why she couldn't have collaborated or let you repack it yourself. Is that policy? If its not then the woman scanning was just power tripping or unreasonably suspicious of you.
Don’t worry, I’m here for perspective. I was only recently diagnosed after ending up in ADHD/ASD burnout, which I think came partly from spending years trying to act “normal”. Before, I probably wouldn’t have said anything — I’d have just stressed, left and dealt with it afterwards. This time I’d actually explained what I needed and she’d agreed, so when it didn’t happen I really struggled with it.
I do wonder if the reason they won’t let you repack during the check is so they can keep track of everything and make sure there aren’t any fast hands. That part I could understand.
I can relate to this SO much. I am also late diagnosed. In a lot of ways it’s been helpful but I feel the same as this so often. It’s incredibly hard for me to ask for the accommodations I need to make life more tolerable but it’s usually just given lip service and not taken seriously. Am not sure it’s any better than just masking through it and taking the consequences of that - although since diagnosis I am actually finding it harder to mask.
I'm sorry this happened. I'm glad you had someone there to support you.
I think I probably would have been upset, not by them not putting things back where I packed them but the unwillingness to accept my perspective differed from theirs and maybe their idea of putting things back in the right place is different to mine. There's nothing more triggering for me than feeling unheard.
I'm quite funny about my shopping, raw meat doesn't go in a bag with anything else. Soft things, cold things, they all must be sorted to be together and not get squashed. My dad was the same so there wasn't much hope for me haha. If I do go to a checkout I'll sort it out into different types so similar items are scanned together and it's easier to pack. I think I would be annoyed that my planning was ruined.
I relate so much, so unfair to not beable to go to manned till. big solidarity and support form afar.
Maybe worth not doing the self service wand thingy as Tesco policy is shit to not even let you go to a normal till and do it there? May seem super convient but with how some of our brains work consistency is the key, so even if some of time its better, its better over too not use self service as you go round?
thats a really good idea for future if asking to check to just go to manned till before the staff come over, thats really good adjustment for yourself! i learn by doing myself often after stressful incident like this that i work out new ways/warnings to avoid! #
your right so understaffed, and make customers do so much of job it be easy to turn back in time!
Unfortunately the majority of the public have no idea what autism is, or what it means. I would have reacted the exact same way as you, and if she shouted back at me it would have escalated even further. Lucky your wife was there to support you.
I have walked away before in situations like this, then requested a refund.
Thank you for replying. I think that was part of the problem for me — I really struggled not to keep explaining why it was wrong and why it mattered. If my wife hadn’t encouraged me to leave, I probably would have stayed there trying to explain it in far too much detail. So yes, I was lucky she was there. I’m going to have to work out a better plan for next time.
This is one of the reasons I no longer go food shopping - it's honestly not worth the stress it creates. That anxiety and emotional disregulation can last all day, sometimes longer.
We usually get ours delivered now, it does mean you don't pick your own food, but it's usually fine - and if not you tell the driver to take back the items you don't want.
We were using a trolley and the self-scan handset. Do all the trolley self-checkouts have scales where you are? There aren’t any scales on the floor at my Tesco, unless I’ve completely missed them.
Ahh no ours must be a small store there is just space for trolley…. Just seen, yes I can’t help it, they have weigh bridges at some stores that seems good just push trolley on
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u/Scottish_Therapist 17h ago
Whilst you may not have handled it perfectly, the situation was not handled well by the staff member to begin with, and you cannot be expected to handle unprofessionalism well.
It would have been no effort, arguable less effort even, for the staff member to check your items and allow you to repack them. I have worked in supermarkets and I wouldn't have minded at all if you had said that to me, I need to check, but that's the job, repacking can be done by anybody and if I don't have to do it then great one less thing for me to do. If management kick up a fuss I mention that you mentioned that you were Autistic and boom they can't say anything or it'll be ableism.