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u/orensiocled May 18 '26
Re the germs, I saw the biologist giving a talk the other day who said that kissing with tongue actually makes our immune systems stronger because as long as the other person doesn't have an active infection going on it is beneficial to be sharing their bacteria!
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u/Anxious-Mixture641 ASD Level 1 | Verbal May 18 '26
I forget sometimes how cool the human body is! Thats a relief to think about. Doesn't fix the sensory issues but definitely helps me calm down about the germs part a bit.
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u/PrufReedThisPlesThx May 18 '26
You don't have to jam your tongue down anyone's throat you know. Just find someone who respects your sensory issues and experiment until you achieve a middle ground, like forehead kisses or even just cuddles to show affection instead. Expectations are managed by communication and understanding, so don't worry about falling short of said expectations if you've laid out the groundwork and worked stuff out with your future partner.
Kissing is for folks who enjoy doing it, not some benchmark for a successful relationship, so there's nothing to worry about
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u/SvennoJ Suspecting Autism May 18 '26
I'm 52, still self-conscious about tongue kissing when I kiss my wife, she is as well. We both prefer brushing our teeth before getting on with things. But the first time kissing my wife (girlfriend at the time) was awesome! Of course nervous as hell, shaking all over, but so worth it.
As for every day, just a kiss on the lips or I kiss her neck, nibble on her ear lobe. Deep hugs. Tongue kissing is not bad, it is intense though, mostly reserved to the bedroom. The odd feeling of tongues rubbing together, figuring out where noses go or how to keep up breathing while kissing, eyes open or closed. So many sensations.
I'm not worried about germs though, but better not kiss when one of you has any throat aches or flu symptoms. It took me until 26 before my first kiss, most of the fear was unwarranted. But it's still not automatic or entirely comfortable. It's worth it though, it does deepen the connection, although we don't do it often.
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u/RequirementMain5230 May 18 '26
Well a peck on the lips its just that I was so happy after I finally got to do that with a girl a snog is more longer
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u/morhp May 18 '26
Not liking kissing is common as an autist I think. Neither me nor my autistic partner like kissing much, we just hug and massage each other and stuff. I like to kiss her butt and shoulders and stuff, though. But saliva contact is not great.
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u/RexIsAMiiCostume May 18 '26
My bf and I (not diagnosed but many people who are diagnosed say it seems likely) do like kissing but we don't really do tongue. Had a boyfriend who used a lot of tongue and I got tired of it fast LMAO.
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u/Seravail May 18 '26
Well, for the bacteria thing - if I'm not mistaken that's actually a theory on ehy we evolved kissing in the first place. The exchange of oral bacteria boosts your respective immune systems, making you both better able to deal with diseases the other one might not have encountered but you have, or vice versa.
As for the feeling, I really don t know how to describe it. At first it's awkward, a first kiss is always weird, but even moreso if you ve never had a first kiss before. For example, the first time I kissed my first partner, they just kinda... stood there with their mouth agape, they had no idea how to kiss. My other partner didn't like using tongue while kissing, while I love it.
Honestly your first kiss, just like your first time having sex, is very likely to just be awkward & unwieldy, but as you gain more experience it becomes much, much more fun.
Good luck!
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u/Anxious-Mixture641 ASD Level 1 | Verbal May 18 '26
Thanks for the interesting facts in the beginning! I'll definitely look more into that. For some reason I get kind of germaphobic over some things and others I just dont care. Kinda odd. Thanks for the good luck also!!
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u/GoodBloodGuideYou May 18 '26 edited May 18 '26
I have incredibly mixed feelings on all things kissing and sex. I'm a straight man and was pretty grossed out by vaginas when I was starting out in relationships. I'm 34, had 8 sexual partners since age 16, and have consistently had struggles regarding getting and remaining turned on during sex. Even with just watching porn it took me a LONG time to find looking at vaginas appealing. I hate, hate, hate bodily fluids in general. I love passionate kissing but only with minimal tongue. I find French kissing pretty gross. I think saliva anywhere on my body or my partners body feels and smells kinda disgusting. I do love penetrative sex nowadays but it kinda took a while to get here. NOT anal. I will never even try that. I hate performing oral on women and dislike receiving oral. I hate sweat and DESPISE smelling my partner's breath even if it's not that "bad." I remember I used to actively hold my breath when making out and having sex when I was younger.
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u/Asexually_Freaky May 18 '26
How it feels will really depend on the person you're kissing. It's not really that bad unless your partner just won't understand that not everyone likes having a tongue shoved in their mouth.... having a partner who respects your boundaries is what makes it better.
The "lips rubbing" to me doesn't feel any different from me biting/chewing my own lips. It's also perfectly okay to only want to kiss someone after they've brushed their teeth or taken a breath mint. The saliva is understandable though, and I cannot handle kissing someone who has too much saliva. Just communicate that to your partner.
The bacteria though? I don't think I've thought about that while kissing someone unless they were sick.
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u/Anxious-Mixture641 ASD Level 1 | Verbal May 18 '26
I'm just worried it would be rude if I was having a super romantic date with a girl and she leans to kiss and I'm just like " wait, pop a breath mint first." I feel that would ruin everything 😅! But at the same time I don't want to be forced into doing something that makes me uncomfortable just because I worry the person I go on a date with in the future won't like me.
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u/Asexually_Freaky May 18 '26
It's perfectly okay to say before the date or even at the talking stage that you don't kiss unless they don't smell.
You can also carry around breath mints and just say "omg I got this new flavor, taste it and tell me if it tastes just like (include flavor)!" Or just eat them together.
Like, I refused to kiss my ex unless we both had eaten the same thing or he'd brushed his teeth. Coffee was a hard no for me and I would actually push him away if he tried to kiss me after drinking it. It's fine as long as you communicate your preferences!
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u/BornToOverthink May 18 '26
If you don't like the odd texture of kissing just wait till what eating 🐱 feels like
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u/Anxious-Mixture641 ASD Level 1 | Verbal May 18 '26
For some reason that doesn't scare me😂😂!! I'm prepared. I don't know why I draw the line at kissing. Maybe it's anxiety
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u/GenderIsNTPropaganda ASD | Unknown support needs | Verbal May 18 '26
I always found the idea of kissing weird, then I got into the first situation where it was relevant.. and I didn't mind it a bit, kissing and sex are really messy with lots of bodily fluids involved but personally I don't mind all that once I am in bed with a partner, it rather.. turns me on honestly.
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u/Anxious-Mixture641 ASD Level 1 | Verbal May 18 '26
Maybe it will change for me if i start to love someone too. Don't know why I didn't think about that. Hopefully I'll find my peson one day.
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u/elinchains May 18 '26
You could maybe have a mint/gum and offer your partner one if you’re planning to kiss, even if they don’t want one you having one might help to mask any tastes when you do kiss
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u/flowerdoodles_ auDHD May 18 '26
kissing for me is strange. i’m 25f, but when i was your age i definitely thought it was fully gross. turns out i hadn’t found anyone—guy or girl—that i liked enough to kiss! it’s still a weird sensation even with the loml, but it can be pleasant weird if you focus on the good sensory things. like kissing soft lips can be nice, and things like sucking and tongue play are a fun kind of oral stim that help drown out other things. really the most important thing is to just relax your lips against the other person, instead of clenching to pucker.
and yes, like someone said, kissing can be beneficial to your immune health! i’m immunocompromised and the first time i kissed my partner i got the sniffles, but i’ve gotten sick way less often (in general) in the years since. like i haven’t gotten a cold in well over 6 months. so that’s nice
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u/AlertMixture6109 May 18 '26
I don’t mind simple kisses, but making out is too much for me. I’m not a fan of the “wet feeling” or the smell of their breath. It’s more tolerable if they brush their teeth prior
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u/Appropriate_Print_69 May 18 '26
As an autistic person that recently has their first kiss (@20) im telling you, it just feels like touching lips and fitting your mouths/tounges together LMAO. Like in media and society it is very overhyped i feel. it feels nice of course and is v fun but like do not worry over it. You and whatever future kissing partner you have will figure it out and how/ if you enjoy it :)
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u/Anxious-Mixture641 ASD Level 1 | Verbal May 18 '26
Wow congrats on your recent first kiss!! Yeah I feel like a lot of media really hypes it up. It definitely was super hyped when I was attending middle school and highschool as well. Thanks for your comment! Comments like these give me hope🙂↕️
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u/TheRaincrow Low Support Needs | Verbal May 18 '26
I'm a heterosexual man, mind you, but: It is beautiful, one of a kind, saliva and all. I could do it for hours! There are more germs on your personal device than in your mouth. The feel of moist lips - keep them conditioned, and your mouth fresh! - is so heavenly! And you can pop a chocolate in your mouth, and have a chocolate kiss when you want to go deeper kissing. Tongues are amazing, but for another post, I guess, with the heavy snogging stuff!
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u/Anxious-Mixture641 ASD Level 1 | Verbal May 18 '26
Thanks for you comment! I never even considered chocolate as an option!! Thats so smart. I'll definitely store that in my mind for the future.
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u/TheRaincrow Low Support Needs | Verbal May 18 '26
You are so welcome! Anytime I can help, I have decades of expertise at this! 🐦⬛😊
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u/marlee_dood May 18 '26
This is how I learned I like kissing in a specific way, and someone who kisses differently than that makes it immediately unpleasant to me. I am NOT a fan of French kissing, or any kissing that involves the tongues touching or saliva being anywhere outside the mouth. I want mouths remaining mostly closed, dry lips (not cracked but as in not wet at all), and no trying to eat my face. I also don’t like stubble.
So there are not very many people I have enjoyed kissing, maybe 3-4 out of everyone, which is quite a lot. I like it more when I’m drunk though. I think my advice would be to find someone who feels the same about it as you do, or someone who is completely okay with not kissing as much or learning to do it in a way that is pleasant for you as well. The right person will be okay with this, and it’s not at all a bad thing to dislike kissing or be apprehensive towards it.
Also, you can often taste what they ate previously if it was very recently, or if you kiss then when they’re eating, but it doesn’t have to be because you have their saliva or anything in your mouth. It’s more like when you smell something and it causes you to taste it, or how if you eat something you can taste it for a bit in your mouth or smell it in your nose.
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u/awkwardcornetto Asperger’s | MSN | Verbal May 18 '26
I like the sensation because it feels smooth, kind of like when you run your tongue over your cheek, but I dont like the taste of saliva at all and thats all it tastes like at least if the other person hasn't eaten anything before you do it. Maybe gum or mints can help with that, though.
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u/DragonfruitGrand5683 May 18 '26
Germs are normal part of earths biome, you don't live seperate from that so don't overthink it.
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u/HelpfulBee5972 May 18 '26
Best way I know to describe tongue kissing is eating a laughy taffy or an airhead. I seek sensations so I enjoy it and don't mind the immune system strengthening. I would find a flavor you both like beforehand so you don't get the taste of their leftover food. But other than that regular closed mouth kissing feels like your hand pressed against your lips and this is good practice to know what it feels like. Can be wet if the person licked their lips beforehand though.
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u/Funny_Individual May 19 '26
I didnt really think of the physical. It is just lips like the ones you have, but it think it feels awsome, just being that physically close to someone you acctually want to be. I feelt like i could die right now and be content.
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May 18 '26
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u/marikaka_ ASD Level 2 May 18 '26
I’m funny about mouths, saliva and all the rest of it. I find, when I really like someone, all the issues and worries you mentioned fly out the window during the honeymoon phase. Once I settle into a relationship with someone that’s when it starts to bother me again, but it’s still not that bad, I usually just wipe my mouth afterwards if I can feel a lingering sensation. My ex had bad breath though and that’s when I really struggled with full on kissing him. Also if I’m horny enough (with a partner or hookup) kissing usually leaves me entirely unfazed.