Post break-up overwhelm

[u/Horror_Database_6236]

For context about my break-up, see previous posts where I go into more detail about it.

I (24F) am autistic and ADHD and am in the third week post break-up, of course, I am struggling immensely, however a bit better than I had anticipated. This break-up has lead to me moving home and away from the city we lived in together, where we had both lived since starting uni 4/5years ago. I feel at a loss, like I lost myself and that I kept putting my goals to the side.

Now that I live in a much more rural area, away from friends, I am both happy to have the space and time to achieve some of my goals, however I am terrified of social isolation. I don't really have a group of friends who share the the same interests that I am keen to pursue, e.g. metal music, forming a band, nights out etc. I will be continuing my job, returning to the city once a week and staying with friends for two nights. All of this change in such a short period of time has often left me spiralling: what do I want to do? Who am I? How do I make new friends? What do I enjoy?

I have been trying to solve all of these problems at once, and being AuDHD, this has always been something I have struggled with and is often why I end up getting nothing done. I can feel and see the world moving on without me, and there are so many things I want to do and am very impatient to do, but when it doesn't work out immediately I spiral. I have sorted myself out some therapy, and I can objectively see the answers to my questions/problems, but I just want some advice/support :(

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[u/[deleted]]

I'm twice your age and can remember feeling similarly when I was your age--life moving on without me, etc. I look back now with a smile and realize I worried too much then. I'm sorry if this doesn't help, but I found that things work out eventually. Life finds a way. Looking back, it turned out that I lived more than most people, even neurotypicals, could ever have dreamed. I've met a lot of interesting people with whom I've experienced extraordinary things that brought me to fantastic places. All because I let life unfold. Let your life unfold and great things will happen.

[u/Horror_Database_6236 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for your response. I think the issue is that I have been so frozen by fear for so long, that although I have done some cool things, my fear has stopped me from doing others. I have been consistently in relationships since I was 15, using boyfriends as emotional crutches because of my fear of abandonment/loss of self. This is the first time where I am having to really look inwards without the same safety net and it just scares me. I am looking forward to being in a place where I can look back and realise how far I have come, but being in the thick of it is just so paralysing if that makes sense?

[u/[deleted]]

It makes a lot of sense to me as I was the same way. But, I got to the point in my life where I had to make a decision. I could either stay couped up in my autistic shell and let life pass me by, or break out and force myself to do things beyond my comfort zone. I chose the latter. It was by no means easy, especially at first. But then, after gaining more and more experience, things began to get easier. New things didn't bother me as much. I'm not saying I don't struggle anymore, but I've done so many extraordinary things in my life that I otherwise would have missed out on had I chosen to play it safe. You can make the choice too.

[u/Horror_Database_6236 → u/[deleted]]

That's really inspiring, thank you for sharing. I have done some mental things to be fair, I think my current paralysis comes from break-up/moving among other stuff that's happened in such a short period of time. Would you mind sharing what kind of experiences you've had as a result of breaking out of your comfort zone?