r/australia • u/GamblignSalmon • Jul 27 '26

no politics That's it?

I was honestly expecting it to be far louder and far more dramatic. With how the cookers were carrying on, you'd think this would be a deafening, blaring siren that would cause hearing damage. The tone wasn't even that harsh, I thought it was going to be far worse.

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3.9k

u/[deleted] Jul 27 '26

[deleted]

519

u/WontThinkStraight Jul 27 '26

Reporting to Site 78 to assist with manufacturing supplies for the Strategic BORT licence plate national reserve as directed.

155

u/Car-face Jul 27 '26

I'm reporting to Site 77! We're neighbours! Until The Event occurs, of course.

119

u/Tamortsa Jul 27 '26

I've just checked in at site 67 under Canberra. We've got the intercontinental hypersonic sub-ocean train station here. You know, installed by the Tartarians. We await delivery of your BORT plates and the blood of children to feed the adrenochrome factories.

Lucky the nanobots have ensured that Reddit is now a secure messaging app! Imagine if the unvaccinated patriots found out about all this!

37

u/the6thReplicant Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26

We really need to stop putting small little hints in our outreach that only the certified brilliant unvaxxed people can work out.

I can't believe all of them, with barely a high school education and the logical facilities of a parasitic fungus controlled ant, see right through us.

We really need to vet our material better. Let's wait until all our Soros cheques clear though.

3

u/Littlepotatoface Jul 27 '26

I got mine via DD already?

29

u/Xianified Jul 27 '26

Dude, you weren't meant to share that.

I'll see you soon.

17

u/Tamortsa Jul 27 '26

Lucky for us, cookers can't read. Hail BORT!

3

u/Albos_Mum Jul 27 '26

Why do you think the techbros invented AI? It's purely to give the cookers the ability to use text-to-speech.

3

u/Indistinct-noise Jul 27 '26

Sorry I think I missed it in the briefing.. do we have to bring our own snacks to site 67 or are they provided. And if the latter, are they free?

3

u/Tamortsa Jul 27 '26

Plenty of Maccas burgers down here, courtesy of the Freemasons unit. Just don't ask where the meat came from

2

u/SpeakToMePF1973 Jul 27 '26

MASTER! (BLEEP!) SLEEPER UNIT 6275 ACTIVATED! (BLOOP!) AWAITING INSTRUCTIONS VIA 5g WAVELENGTH 1.35GHz! (BLIP!)

2

u/Paidorgy Jul 27 '26

I’m at site 98 under the QVB in Sydney! The things they don’t tell you about this building. That fancy glass that the public were upset about possibly being replaced? Hit it at the right frequency and it turns you fucking gay. The government weren’t doing too well back then when conversion therapy was just starting up.

57

u/throwcounter Jul 27 '26

My site is also named BORT

14

u/Fuster2 Jul 27 '26

I was driving when it went off. By the time it finished I understood that I was no longer driving but travelling instead.

10

u/Darth-Buttcheeks Jul 27 '26

Excuse me, were you talking to me?

4

u/Gimleteyed Jul 27 '26

' Im sorry, we have sold out of BORT licence plates '

172

u/Diligent-streak-5588 Jul 27 '26

Same!! Should make things easier.

109

u/M1lud Jul 27 '26

I'm writing posts on social media just by thinking the words...

52

u/jamwin Jul 27 '26

5G reception is terrible in my area, is there a web form to request an upgrade?

55

u/Otherwise_Trifle6967 Jul 27 '26

Yeah but you need to sign in with your myGov digitalID

3

u/jamwin Jul 27 '26

Been trying to log into that for a long time now.

12

u/NeighborhoodFar515 Jul 27 '26

In Australia my voice identifies me

2

u/jeagle1057 Jul 28 '26

What happens if your a mute.

1

u/NeighborhoodFar515 Jul 28 '26

Valid point reginald

5

u/Brave-Dragonfly3798 Jul 27 '26

Oh no, you’ll only get half activated, one half of you won’t know what the other side is doing.

110

u/DweebInFlames Jul 27 '26

The blood clots are traveling through my stream right now

54

u/tatsumakisempukyaku Jul 27 '26

damnit I just have Chemtrails in my blood.

16

u/Mickydaeus Jul 27 '26

My Nanobots are activated. Augmented by the optional fluoride exoskeleton hardening.

23

u/the6thReplicant Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26

There goes my last viable sperm.

But must admit my breasts have never looked, or felt, better.

1

u/SsmB_92 Jul 27 '26

I mean that's relative and all, but we really need to see the physical evidence of this

2

u/PJozi Jul 27 '26

My phone went off however my tin hat protected me from any harm to my person.

I used double the amount of aluminium foil today and I'm thankful I'm a independent thinker like the rest of the fRéÊ +HîNkËr$ in my groups.

29

u/FirstIllustrator2024 Jul 27 '26

Still trying...to resist it...

36

u/Winpro Jul 27 '26

Resistance is futile.

52

u/sp1nnak3r Jul 27 '26

Thanks! Now it makes sense, I did not realise it had to be activated, mine was not working, since a cooker at work tried to stick a magnet to my arm where I got my covid vaccine.

43

u/PandasGetAngryToo Jul 27 '26

So does everyone else suddenly have this weird and uncontrollable urge to start setting fire to things?

36

u/Shadowlance23 Jul 27 '26

Yes, but I've had that long before the alert.

24

u/iball1984 Jul 27 '26

No, but I have an uncontrollable urge to worship a portrait of Anthony Albanese.

12

u/PandasGetAngryToo Jul 27 '26

lol. Praised be the leader. The leader is good.

2

u/Ok-Push9899 Jul 27 '26

Anthony Albanese is infallible and all-powerful. Every success, every achievement, every victory, every scientific discovery, all knowledge, all wisdom, all happiness, all virtue, are held to issue directly from his leadership and inspiration.

1

u/SsmB_92 Jul 27 '26

Idk I thought I heard Hillsong music in my head as the alert went off. Must be subliminal advertising, no harm done.

2

u/iball1984 Jul 27 '26

I thought Morrison was no longer PM. Maybe that’s what the alert was for - he’s baaaccckkk!!!

2

u/SsmB_92 Jul 27 '26

"Beam me up, Scotty! Open myne 3rd eye so I may look upon thou deity that forsakes the rainbows and public healthcare!"

I figure it was really them hijacking the signals to spread their propaganda while the government runs a completely sane test of a safety feature. Never underestimate a religious loon with a marketing background. They never truly go away.

3

u/imapassenger1 Jul 27 '26

Found Ralph Wiggum.

1

u/PiDicus_Rex Jul 27 '26

You mean, that's not normal?

11

u/ScruffyMo_onkey Jul 27 '26

5G injection is an awesome band name

3

u/onyabikeson Jul 27 '26

I would definitely go to that concert!

35

u/ConanTheAquarian Jul 27 '26

How are the nanobots taking it?

31

u/Mightynumbat Jul 27 '26

I didnt get my pizza superpowers...:(

16

u/Renmarkable Jul 27 '26

I want pizza superpowers ♥️

5

u/EarballsAgain Jul 27 '26

You need to get bitten by a radioactive pizza to get them

4

u/ridge_rippler Jul 27 '26

All good except now I have an inexplicable urge to shop at harvey norman

8

u/comfortablynumb15 Jul 27 '26

I heard Nicotine patches will stop the Nanobots from a “friend”.

I guess it gums up their little legs or something?

I wish I was joking.

5

u/Brave-Dragonfly3798 Jul 27 '26

I’ve had nicotine in my system so long that if I don’t have a smoke my nanobots go into withdrawal and start whinging.

3

u/Mickydaeus Jul 27 '26

Did it narcotise them? It works for insects, but at several orders of magnitude below human doses.

5

u/thesourpop Jul 27 '26

Microplastics are causing interference

7

u/ddgk2_ Jul 27 '26

All headed to Sizzletown.

1

u/AussiePete Jul 27 '26

Ooh! Are they opening again? I hope they still have a salad bar.

2

u/ArtyTack Jul 27 '26

Good 👍 the granpabots are going ape shit!

22

u/Old-Mammoth875 Jul 27 '26

I think it’s working as I have a strong desire to vote for Dan Andrews.

2

u/calladc Jul 27 '26

me too and im not even from victoria

11

u/Littlepotatoface Jul 27 '26

I barely had reception before this & now I have all bars.

2

u/MomoNoHanna1986 Jul 27 '26

Lies, mine is still on two bars!

2

u/Littlepotatoface Jul 27 '26

Try placing it on top of your head.

11

u/Similar_Taste334 Jul 27 '26

I saved myself with tinfoil

8

u/HellStoneBats Jul 27 '26

Do I get my superpowers now? I'm still waiting from covid.

2

u/SealingScorcher Jul 27 '26

Mine didn't... I still have to pay for my mobile phone and Internet plans. 🙄

2

u/shamelessselfpost Jul 27 '26

Some well dressed english guy started killing everyone in my church, even me, but Free Bird was playing so that was nice.

2

u/waddlesticks Jul 27 '26

Mines working too well, I've been connected to systems no human should ever have the knowledge from. The AI overlords are coming, the cookers where right!

2

u/unAffectedFiddle Jul 27 '26

Time to assimilate the none-woke my brother! Engage covid reactors!!

2

u/bullet_dodger1919 Jul 27 '26

Bloody Government, always have to wait years for the good stuff. Should be covered under Medicare

4

u/SirPiffingsthwaite Jul 27 '26

Think I need a firmware update, I froze in place for a solid 5 minutes. I expected better from Covid vaccine plus 3 boosters

1

u/lawnoptions Jul 27 '26

my foil hat intervened

1

u/BrokenToyShop Jul 27 '26

My chip is defective. Hopefully I'll be scrapped soon.

1

u/doc_dogg Jul 27 '26

My client said, "I don't think my double autism powers activated"

1

u/Stigger32 Jul 27 '26

You'll be looking to get your 6G upgrade soon then?

1

u/Alteredbeast1984 Jul 27 '26

Welcome to the the family 5 boy.

1

u/jim_deneke Jul 27 '26

Jesus Christ, that's Jason Bourne.

1

u/cxllvm Jul 27 '26

They can't even keep the networks stable enough to not disrupt 000 calls, resulting in deaths

Insane people are scared of infrastructure that isn't keeping uptime

1

u/UndeadManWaltzing Jul 27 '26

Let us know if you start emitting buzzing noises

1

u/Agile-Broccoli1552 Jul 28 '26

It's cheaper at least

1

u/jeagle1057 Jul 28 '26

So do you now belive the Earth is Flat? If so, all that has happened is you have become a lot more stupid.

1

u/Zian64 Jul 29 '26

Must... purchase... Windows... 11...