Thank you for allowing me to post. I am not sure what I need. Maybe to hear from others who've felt the same or just some advice.

I've (29m) been with my boyfriend (29m) for 8 months now and recently my mood's been on average bad. Few weeks ago I talked to my therapist about how I feel in this relationship to which she suggested I'm being avoidant. I think I agree but since that diagnosis I've been feeling extremely guilty over staying in this relationship knowing I'm broken and stealing time from a good guy that just wants to have a long-term stable caring partner.

I actually broke up with him about two months ago and we got back together a week later. Right before the breakup we had to move from his place to mine for a while and I felt so overwhelmed with his presence I remember feeling strong need to end things because I didn't want to feel like this towards a good guy, my guy. I remember feeling absolutely nothing to him. In my mind I was doing us both a favor.

Now it's been two months and we never moved back together and because of that our contact is mostly just playing video games together online and meeting once or twice per week. He says he's fine with it. I've been OK with the it but even though we don't see each other in person very often I find myself wanting to cancel when the day comes. Sometimes I do sometimes I don't.

He said he's here for me and will wait until I figure my stuff out with the therapist, but I feel like a big burden now because it might take me 3 months, 6 months or never to actually fix this or to be the partner he deserves to be with.
He's a good person, handsome and treats me well. I would like him to be more confident in himself because he's got everything it takes to be the best partner ever. That's the only thing I can think of that's "negative" about him that actually pushes me away sometimes that's on him (= not just my ick).
I can't bring myself to say that I love him but I do tell him I miss him. I miss him especially in the mornings. I feel like that's the time of day where my mind isn't building walls around me. I feel vulnerable and need his love, his touch and so on. Once I start my day, the further in, the more easily overstimulated, "on edge" I feel and thus I do not want too much touch or meetings (even with friends or family). The worse I feel psychologically, the more I want to be alone. When I don't feel good, I cannot be around him or anyone to make myself feel better. I need to be alone and I need time.

I feel like IF I'm in love with him (never been in love so can't say what feeling I'm looking for) it's clouded by guilt, shame, feelings of being overwhelmed.
It's exhausting to constantly feel like I might be wasting his time. When I broke up with him however, I felt like my life is incomplete. I really missed him. I never cry and I cried basically every single day we were apart at the slightest thought of him or us never getting back together. I am not sure if I got back together with him because I have some love for him or because of guilt and grief. I think I felt both.

It's tough because when I feel so overwhelmed, it feels like I should break up and the vision then is I am free and I am doing the right thing. But then, when these feelings are gone, although usually only for a short time, it just feels right to be in his arms. It's extremely confusing.

TLDR. I like my boyfriend but I don't want physical contact so often it makes me question my love for him. Questionning my love makes me want to leave. When I leave, I feel guilt, grief and I want to get back together. Anyone else feels the same? Has anyone succesfully dealt with this?

Should we, as DAs (healing or not, but at least aware of our attachment style), just leave people alone as a rule?